Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

How to deal with people who don't support you ):



Recommended Posts

I really didnt want to tell anyone about my surgery in the beginning cause I didn't want people to think I was just getting wls to be skinny. But then I realized I wanted the support and love from my friends so I started telling them. Some of them are amazing. But some of them are almost getting mad at me.. even when I try to explain how it's for my HEALTH! Physical and mental.. and they try and say you could do so many other things, this is just an easy way out, etc. but they don't understand how my body works and what I have to deal with. It's really discouraging me and hurting me. It's not convincing me out of it in any way, but how do you deal with people who are against you when this should be an exciting time for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep calm and carry on. There will always be people who make a hobby out of criticizing and second-guessing the choices of others, and most of the time they lack the qualifications to do so. If the naysayers were physicians who had a depth of experience in treating obese patients, or worked in some other capacity to understand WLS, then perhaps their feedback would be worthwhile. But I'm willing to bet most have never read the articles in peer-reviewed medical journals about the safety and efficacy of WLS, read about why so many insurance companies now cover the expensive procedure (in the long run it costs them less than treating the problems associated with obesity over a lifetime), or read any of the recent articles about it. The New York Times had an article last month about why WLS works when diet fails. They and other major newspapers have had several articles about WLS. If you go to Google, type in bariatric surgery or WLS and click the news tab the articles should come up. Most people who are overweight can lose weight with lifestyle modifications, but the percentage who keep off the majority of the loss is tiny. Though many who have weight loss surgery do regain some of the weight over time, it's typically a far smaller amount.

You do what's best for you. Best wishes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My experience may be different - I am 6 months out. The only people I told were my husband, two teens who live at home with me, a few (3) very good friends who I knew would support my decision. That's it. Didn't tell my mother. Didn't tell my sister. They still don't know. Neither does the rest of my family. Told work I needed to have some surgery and would be out for a few days. (Had surgery on Tuesday and was back to work on Monday - I'm a desk jockey who telecommutes, I'm only in the office Mon. & Wed.). I knew my sister wouldn't understand (she's a great person - I love her, but I knew she wouldn't understand.) My mother has been a judgmental b*tch all my life and I knew she would have plenty negative to say about my decision. (I'm 55). There are a lot of others I wasn't sure how they would react, so I didn't say anything.

I have shared my story with two of the nurses at one of my physicians offices as they knew (had to be put in the records) but they are overweight and considering the procedure.

I have found that keeping negative people out of my business has been helpful. This is a difficult endeavor - it's hard to stick to the plan, begin to exercise, adjust to your new body, deal with your emotions, etc. When people don't want to support you, you just don't need that negativity in your life.

I have told a few people since my surgery, but if they are negative, I shut them down and walk away. I still have 40-50 pounds to go on my journey. I don't need that sh*t in my life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry you deal with this crud.

I chose bad friends years ago and spent the last year ending all relationships. Many returned into my life just to use me a second time. I've finally pushed them out of my inner circle and cut contact. Abusive past, so I chose poorly people who were like my abusers.

As a result I'm with one friend who knows and is supporting me. He's a pastor and very loving. I feel blessed, as he is my best friend. I have a roommate too who cares, they will be driving me when I have the surgery.

All others, such as family are at a distance. They don't keep in touch. For me it's as if people simply don't care.

I'm realizing I have a lot of strength inside me. That I did the right thing to end friendships where people leaned on me a lot but didn't reciprocate.

Negativity regarding your choice is their bit. It is Water off a duck's behind. Just be kind in all you do, don't let them bring you down to their level.

Just be honest, say thanks, have a nice day, see you.

You've the right to choose better, more supportive people. Also the right to be supported. You've done a lot of hard work.

Hugs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You keep going on the path you chose it's your decision your body your life everyone else doesn't get a vote remember that you must deal with it not them and all the crap that comes with being very heavy this is a tool that will help you loose weight it's not a magic wand you can gain weight back and what I always tell ppl who say it's the easy way out... have it done deal with all that comes with it and we can re visit this topic and you can tell me what u think is so easy about it just remember ppl who do not have this problem cannot really understand it and it's not our job to make them comfortable with our decisions for our lives and our body's and we don't need their approval or permission best of luck

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I told my husband and teen son. After surgery I told my mom. I knew she would try and talk me out of it. I called her the day after surgery, told her and assured her I was ok. That's it. I have no intention of sharing with anyone else and I have 6 other brothers and sisters. I did this because I didn't want this to become the center of every family meal or family function. I use you guys for support[emoji173]️. When someone asks how I'm doing it I say I'm making better food choices and Portion Control. Totally true.

Take care


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Most people I told try to say the same thing to me. I've realize months later after surgery those people are either scared for me to do it or just jealous. Your doing this for your future. Lot of people think you get weightloss surgery and all your weight comes off. Just not true. You got to track your calories still and workout. Alot people not educated about weightloss surgery. I know I wasn't till I did tons of research on it. Losing weight isn't easy doesn't matter what method you chose to help you. Try to keep positive. Your doing this for your health. You got this.


HW: 420 (January 2016)
CW: 273 (March 2017)

Instagram: vsg_queendiet



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh girl I'm with you!!! I'm not having my surgery until November so I have time to tell people but I really don't want to. Most of my family and friends will be supportive, but I know a lot who won't. All we have to remember is no one knows our body better then us and we are doing what is best for it. Hang in there and I'm always here to talk.

Insta: hillaryshotme


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had someone tell me not to do it because my stomach would burst if I ate too much, that everyone she knew that had the sleeve surgery gained all their weight back. Someone she knew died of WLS. She was suggesting procedures that my insurance didn't even cover, b-12 shots. Ironically this person has weight issues and her weight has been yo-yo'ing for years.

My aunt said that all I need to do is to eat right, exercise and eat organic (forgetting that I have arthritis in both my knees and organic is expensive for someone on food Stamps). A lot of people were negative and needless to say I no longer talk to them. I had my surgery on 2/28/17.

Edited by Kimba Marie Angelina Wiggins

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can very much relate. I had very similar experiences with "friends" trying to talk me out of it, it's the easy way, blah blah blah. I heard it all. What I can tell you now being 16 months or so post op is this. Screw them. I have fallen in love with endurance sports, triathlon, running, marathon training, i have a brand new circle of friends who are so supportive and love hanging out with them. Another thing I've figured out is that alot of my old friends don't want to see me succeed. They want me to fail, for some reason. I'm guessing it's so they don't have to look at themselves. Screw them, why was I ever friends with some of these losers in the first place?



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't forget, people like to put their friends and acquaintances in neat little categories. If they had you labeled as the 'fat friend' who was always available, what happens now? You'll be off doing new things and their jealousy is leaking out.



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Krestel

      Ok, now im getting old...my body gets me up at my normal 5am dog walk even when it's the weekend, vacation, and most importantly when I'm sick. So now that I have more energy, my body wants to make sure I suffer even longer during the day when I have a cold! Damn being healthy again! (:D)
      · 1 reply
      1. UphoseDep

        http://dev.x3dt.info/forum/profile.php?id=18137 ai us palm

    • GreenTealael

      At my Primary Physician appt, the Doc said you know you lost a whole person. When you started seeing me you were 265lbs now you're 148lbs.
      She's right... I lost the fun me 😂 Joking Joking Joking. It's amazing who keeps track when you don't like insurance and browsers feeds
      · 2 replies
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        I think you're fun! You must have been a firecracker before!

      2. GreenTealael

        I don't even drink anymore 😂

    • Krestel

      First head cold since the surgery....at least I know that my body is back to "normal". /sigh
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • SabrinaGoddess

      Dietitian scheduled 11/18
      Mental Evaluation scheduled 11/18
      OMG we moving forward
      All things working toward my Dec 9th surgery date!

      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Krestel

      Me: Hey Siri, Is it raining outside? (for my morning walks with the dogs)
      Siri: I don't think it's raining at the moment.
      Wet Dogs: Then why are we wet? This damn Siri person is more stupid than we are.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×