Preteen with growing weight problem

[KristenLe 5,979]

chicken Lady" data-cite="Chicken Lady" data-ipsquote-timestamp="1476194337">

Jane23 mentioned that her son asked her about her WLS....

HW - 283

SW- 238

CW- ?

Asking about someone else's WLS and responding by mentioning how much they've gained is a little different than asking about WLS for themselves. If my Mom brought up my eating habits or weight gain - I'd be livid (even if I was asking her about her own surgery). He may be looking for info and considering it - but there's no need to tell him he's fat. He's a grown man - and a registered nurse - I'm quite certain he knows he's gained weight,and eats too much. @@jane13 I wouldn't mention his weight gain. Just lead by example.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

chicken Lady" data-cite="Chicken Lady" data-ipsquote-timestamp="1476194337">

Jane23 mentioned that her son asked her about her WLS....

HW - 283

SW- 238

CW- ?

Asking about someone's surgery is MUCH different than talking to them, in return, about their weight.

I might ask you about new car, but that does not open me to a critique about the piece of crap I'm driving.

[Chicken Lady 102]

There seem to be a lot of angry people here. I guess I assumed that since I have the kind of relationships with my friends and family that we can talk about things like this, like adults, that everybody can without getting their panties in a bunch. Even if it would have hurt my feelings when I was younger, maybe it would have gotten me thinking about my weight and health when I was younger. Maybe they have the kind of relationship that they can't talk about it. But getting up in arms about how angry you would be doesn't help her situation. We get it. You are clearly unhappy with your weight and very defensive about it. Maybe he was reaching out because he's afraid to ask or is ashamed that since he is a nurse and should know better,...

And just because you have a conversation, doesn't mean she's going to critique him or tell him he's doing a crappy job. Maybe you can have a discussion where it is "how do you feel about your weight?" Actual adults can have conversations about these things without getting offended.

HW - 283

SW- 238

CW- ?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

chicken Lady" data-cite="Chicken Lady" data-ipsquote-timestamp="1476200907">

There seem to be a lot of angry people here. I guess I assumed that since I have the kind of relationships with my friends and family that we can talk about things like this, like adults, that everybody can without getting their panties in a bunch.

I'm not angry and I can easily have conversations about things with my friends and family without "getting my panties in a bunch". (Some people sure do enjoy adding drama where none exists, simply because someone else has a differing opinion, don't they? )

If you're speaking to me, @@Chicken Lady , I'm not unhappy with my weight at all. I've been at goal for almost three years so you are definitely barking up the wrong tree. I'm simply offering another viewpoint to what some consider a very personal conversation. I respect your decision to discuss your body with anyone you want. It's a shame you can't show the same respect and understanding (without all the flame throwing) to those of us who prefer not to.

If your behavior makes you an "actual adult", I'll pass.

[KristenLe 5,979]

I'm not angry either but I don't need anyone - especially my mother - pointing out that I'm fat.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'm not angry either but I don't need anyone - especially my mother - pointing out that I'm fat.

Clearly YOU don't know so SOMEONE has to.

@@KristenLe

YOU'RE FAT.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I put this in my status, but I will put it right here, too.

It's interesting to me that I am "defensive", "unadult-like", "ashamed", or have my "panties in a bunch" (oh! And a liar, too!) simply because I don't care to openly discuss my weight.

Perhaps I should also wear a sign around my neck detailing my income, this morning's bout of diarrhea, a report of my complete sexual history, and all of my religious and political views.

[Babbs 14,680]

I put this in my status, but I will put it right here, too.

It's interesting to me that I am "defensive", "unadult-like", "ashamed", or have my "panties in a bunch" (oh! And a liar, too!) simply because I don't care to openly discuss my weight.

Perhaps I should also wear a sign around my neck detailing my income, this morning's bout of diarrhea, a report of my complete sexual history, and all of my religious and political views.

Go on......

[Babbs 14,680]

chicken Lady" data-cite="Chicken Lady" data-ipsquote-timestamp="1476200907">

There seem to be a lot of angry people here. I guess I assumed that since I have the kind of relationships with my friends and family that we can talk about things like this, like adults, that everybody can without getting their panties in a bunch. Even if it would have hurt my feelings when I was younger, maybe it would have gotten me thinking about my weight and health when I was younger. Maybe they have the kind of relationship that they can't talk about it. But getting up in arms about how angry you would be doesn't help her situation. We get it. You are clearly unhappy with your weight and very defensive about it. Maybe he was reaching out because he's afraid to ask or is ashamed that since he is a nurse and should know better,...

And just because you have a conversation, doesn't mean she's going to critique him or tell him he's doing a crappy job. Maybe you can have a discussion where it is "how do you feel about your weight?" Actual adults can have conversations about these things without getting offended.

HW - 283

SW- 238

CW- ?

How in the f*ck do you think people feel about their weight?? I can't imagine they would be just fine and dandy with it. Why be reminded?

Now I am starting to wonder if your 'concern' for the health of your friends daughter is something different. Leave the poor kid alone about her weight for god sakes! If she has a legitimate medical issue, then deal with it. If it's just she's overweight and needs to learn about health and nutrition, give her guidance and encouragement about it and then SHUT UP.

.No wonder there are so many people out there who feel they are' less than' because of their weight problem. They know they are fat. They don't have to be reminded of it constantly and harassed about it.

[Diva Taunia 198]

How is a forum full of (primarily) untrained medical professionals a resource? (No offense, guys. I count myself in there as well.) I just don't get it.

Overweight children are under constant scrutiny with their weight. CONSTANT. I'm actually pretty shocked to read a lot of the comments here, because as I read them, I remember being a young child and constantly being talked to about my weight. It was always dressed up as "concern," but really, even as a child I knew that the subtext was always, "YOU'RE FAT."

This whole thread just really breaks my heart for that little girl. Think she's not aware of her weight? Watch this. Every overweight child knows.

YOUTUBE:

Edited October 15, 2016 by Diva Taunia

[shedo82773 1,236]

This was a great video. But not all school officials are following what should be done. My 2 grandchildren have been bullied all through their school life. My granddaughter started getting teased in the 2nd grade. First, it was about her not having name brand clothes. I feel like that comes from their parents. Then in the 6th grade, she was bullied teased and even physical abused. With nothing being done. Two of her teachers even said mean and ugly things to her!! When it was brought to the Principal's attention nothing was done. My daughter even has talked to the Superintendent nothing being done!! I wanted to write a letter to the newspaper about all of it. But I was begged not to do this. She was afraid it would just get worse. I hate that this stuff has gotten so out of control. She is now a Sophmore in High School and has even tried to other schools. SAD

[Diva Taunia 198]

@@shedo82773 I think that's the point of the video, though. It's happening at home and at school by the people that are supposed to be protecting our children. There have also been studies down that show that people who have grown up overweight and teased are actually some of the same people who perpetuate fat bias and discrimination, because it's so ingrained in us that it's wrong and bad. WE are some of the worst offenders.

[jane13 2,256]

Just to clarify my earlier post:

My adult son (30 y/o) is a registered nurse, and weighs close to 300lbs, and has

known about my WLS surgery and we have discussed in detail over the past 2 years about my journey (the pre-WLS and post-WLS stories). I think, if he openly asks me about my journey then I can inquire about his plans for getting healthier. He says he is eating healthier - I didn't see it. He has been telling us for over a year that he has been eating better, but he is steadily gaining.

I have 5 kids - 2 have never had a weight problem and 3 have fought their weight (like their mom). Two have managed to do pretty good with their weight. This son seems to struggle and I don't think talking openly about my WLS is preaching. When he asks me questions and I answer, I think it opens the door for me to ask him somequestions as well as long as it is a private conversation. He doesn't date and lives alone and rarely socializes.

I have never put my kids on a diet, fat shamed them, etc. I had family who DISCUSSED my weight, and one still does, at every get together when I was growing up. I told my beloved Aunt and Uncle that I weigh 175lbs, so either accept me as is...or don't. He has stopped as of the last visit.

I just want my son to really look at himself. I know at 282lbs I didn't think I was that heavy until I looked at pictures later and thought OMG, I was really bigger than I thought. Maybe I am the ONLY person who didn't SEE myself as heavy as I was pre-WLS or I would have done something a lot earlier (maybe at 225lbs, instead of 280). I just want him healthy.