How to cope with death so soon out...

[Michilingi 66]

I just lost my Grandmother, and I'm feeling really lost. I want to focus on life, and continue on. I also need to say my goodbyes. I am finding it hard to focus on my health. I need to continue to work out, get Protein in, and fluids. I know that i need to continue to focus on even just getting my protein from shakes, until i feel better. I'm just having issues processing, and I'm worried about overeating. I never overate before, or stress ate. But i'm in a fragile place in my process, being 9 weeks out. I would love any advise, or anything you all can give me towards this confusion im having.

[reree6898 1,164]

It can be easy to stress eat after a devastating thing happens, even if you haven't been a stress eater in the past. I have been having a bit of a struggle with that myself lately. However let me ask, did your grandmother know about your efforts to get health and improve your life with the weight loss? Perhaps you could focus on doing your best as a way to honor her because most grandmothers I'm sure would want you to do your best and focus on your health goals.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

Your grandmother has been an important presence in your life. You two have shared love and affection. Why would you want to say "goodbye" to such delicious things? I see the emotional adjustments as being more about knowing that the love is still in you as are the things you learned from your grandmother about how to live a good life. Missing her physical presence is the hard part, but time takes care of it emotionally and intellectually.

Now is the time to feel your feelings. They do make staying your course shaky. You can draw on the strength and resolve you used to begin exploring surgery. If your grandmother knew that you've had the procedure, recall that she'd be cheering you on. No matter what, don't berate yourself for having difficulty now or even if you slide a little. Journaling about your grandmother, your relationship and how you feel about her death may clarify a lot. Find comfort wherever it is, but be aware that it isn't in food; overeating and bad choices will only numb you and delay the inevitable, making it more difficult.

This poem may help.

Epitaph by Merritt Malloy

When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give them
What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.

Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live on your eyes
And not on your mind.

You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands,
By letting
Bodies touch bodies,
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away.

Edited September 27, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Rosey posey 176]

Your grandma is now watching over you, a brand new guardian angel, you will make her proud of the changes to you. She still loves you and a part of her lives on in you. You are her legacy and testimony to the world, make your witness strong. We all believe you can do this, that's why we're here. We have made bitter lemon into sweet lemonade of our lives.

Sent from my S55 using the BariatricPal App

[cbonet 336]

Your grandmother has been an important presence in your life. You two have shared love and affection. Why would you want to say "goodbye" to such delicious things? I see the emotional adjustments as being more about knowing that the love is still in you as are the things you learned from your grandmother about how to live a good life. Missing her physical presence is the hard part, but time takes care of it emotionally and intellectually.

Now is the time to feel your feelings. They do make staying your course shaky. You can draw on the strength and resolve you used to begin exploring surgery. If your grandmother knew that you've had the procedure, recall that she'd be cheering you on. No matter what, don't berate yourself for having difficulty now or even if you slide a little. Journaling about your grandmother, your relationship and how you feel about her death may clarify a lot. Find comfort wherever it is, but be aware that it isn't in food; overeating and bad choices will only numb you and delay the inevitable, making it more difficult.

This poem may help.

Epitaph by Merritt Malloy

When I die

Give what’s left of me away

To children

And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,

Cry for your brother

Walking the street beside you.

And when you need me,

Put your arms

Around anyone

And give them

What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,

Something better

Than words

Or sounds.

Look for me

In the people I’ve known

Or loved,

And if you cannot give me away,

At least let me live on your eyes

And not on your mind.

You can love me most

By letting

Hands touch hands,

By letting

Bodies touch bodies,

And by letting go

Of children

That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,

People do.

So, when all that’s left of me

Is love,

Give me away.

Beautifully said. Beautiful

[Rosey posey 176]

Thank you for this post--- I had heard it right after my older son's death in Jan 2008. It so echo's what my sons life and death meant. Thank you Rosey P

Sent from my S55 using the BariatricPal App

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@cbonet and @@Rosey posey, someone at another website posted the poem a couple of weeks ago for a member who had just lost an important person. The rawness of the wound may need some time to heal before the poem can be fully digested, but it really is a stunning, expansive view of what life is about apart from the tangible.