What to tell people?

[Pescador 1,374]

Understandable. Best of luck!

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

I don't care how close a friend they are -- you say - forcefully --" I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about it. It's not a major procedure, but I will need some time to recover. How are your hemorrhoids?" My sister and mother don't know that I had surgery because I couldn't be sure they would be supportive. I have told a few friends, whom I trust. My husband and teen daughters know. Own your privacy.

[MSer07 39]

I've read all the chains on who to tell. My question is we have family friends who are wanting to make plans to go on trips i.e. camping and ATV riding now that it's getting to be fall. They're looking at the weekend of and the weekend after my surgery. Obviously I can't go for a while after surgery and without telling them what's going on, I feel like we are just blowing them off. The husband keeps suggesting dates, and my husband keeps replying with "we're busy , I don't know what we're doing, but we're busy". I'm not sure what to say. I don't want to lie, but I also don't want to share this. Any suggestions?

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I don't want to tell anyone at work, those judgmental stares of "taking the easy way out"...I just don't want to deal with the gossip that is sure to spread ...it is my health, my privacy and my way. Our neighbors are very close and involved so I'm going with the gall bladder story plus they know I have MS and have bad days...I think this is the story for now...my surgetyis mid November...

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[Pescador 1,374]

I was just thinking how different women are from men. My husband used to call in to work and ask a friend to cover 3 hours of his 12 hour shifts. Sure! And the conversation ended immediately. I, on the other hand, would have been explaining and apologizing like crazy. For 30 minutes. The same with this thread. My husband's friends would never question him about anything, yet women, like me, stress over all the ifs ands and buts just in case someone questions us so we have our bases covered. Nosy women! LOL!

[gabysmum 18]

I think I'll use the hernia story. I've been wondering what to tell people specially being latino and if you know us you know that everyone and their mother is up on all your business...I have a Halloween party the day I come back from the hospital and I need to cancel after confirming attendance. In terms of weight loss, I've been very active at the gym for about 4 months and have slowly lost 10 lbs so hopefully it will not be that unusual (my body finally kicking in with the weight loss)..lol

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[Havasumoma 250]

I'm going with hiatal hernia repair. Easy to explain the change in diet too. Only if I'm pressed, will I use this. I'm not ashamed. I just like to be in control of who knows my medical information.

CW 227 5'5" 61yrs

[Stephanie 73]

I like to fall back on the standard...."I'm having female problems" . When asked what kind of female problems by well meaning female relatives I just said, "It's very personal". That is usually enough to halt all additional conversation. Later you will be asked how did you do it? How did you lose all that weight. My standard answer was, "it was a lot of dedication to my health, diet and Dr's orders. I would also add that I followed a low carb, high Protein diet. If people wanted specifics I would just say well, no more than 40 carbs a day, at least 70 grams of Protein, 70-100 ounces of Water daily and under 1000 calories. You have to just skirt around the edges if you don't want to advertise the fact that you had surgery for weight loss. It's NO ONES BUSINESS but yours and your mate. Some people are very open about it but others know that the type of friends or family they have will look down on it as "taking the easy way out". I'm here to tell you there is nothing EASY about major surgery...

[Pescador 1,374]

I love the simple phrase, I changed my life. You want my diet plan? LOL

[allies journey 144]

Mcmom2016,what your doing is taking control of your life and health. Not something to be ashamed of telling your family and close friends.

It's awesome to be in control of your health and well -being.

Not sure why you are so secretive but just sayin! ! Be proud of what choices you make. .Good luck to you.

Allie

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[Alex Brecher 10,498]

@@mcmom2016,

You’ve gotten some good ideas here. I love the idea of suggesting alternative dates without going into further detail.

Saying you are having a medical procedure done should be sufficient, too. It is common courtesy not to pry when someone tells you they are having a medical procedure done.

Just as a heads-up…don’t forget that you will be eating differently after surgery. You will not only need to plan to take whatever special foods you may need, but you may need to think ahead of time about which reasons you can give for why you are eating differently.

Good luck!

[vegbeth 79]

I'm thinking of using "female problems" myself but want to research exactly which kind of problem I could be having. I inadvertently made plans for a ski trip a month after when I think I'll be having surgery so I need a good way to get out of it.

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[gabysmum 18]

Ughh...My husband said that the easiest and best thing is to tell the truth. Of course he isnt having the surgery and doesn't have to deal with the gossip, questions, back hand comments and "easy way out" looks. I'm a very private person. He said that they will eventually find out, however, I've been going to the gym and dieting for about 4 months and loosing some weight...he is clueless about how I feel, and he himself has made me feel depressed, ugly and less because of my weight.. not all the time, but we have had issues. He is overweight too..heh

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[Mimi52 103]

I only told family a few close friends. At work just said having procedure and will be back in about 2 weeks. I am having revision to sleeve and if surgeon can't do all at once don't want to have to explain. Once I go back and start losing if someone asks I will be honest. No one but family knew I had the band.

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[jaadan79 19]

I like to fall back on the standard...."I'm having female problems" . When asked what kind of female problems by well meaning female relatives I just said, "It's very personal". That is usually enough to halt all additional conversation. Later you will be asked how did you do it? How did you lose all that weight. My standard answer was, "it was a lot of dedication to my health, diet and Dr's orders. I would also add that I followed a low carb, high Protein diet. If people wanted specifics I would just say well, no more than 40 carbs a day, at least 70 grams of Protein, 70-100 ounces of Water daily and under 1000 calories. You have to just skirt around the edges if you don't want to advertise the fact that you had surgery for weight loss. It's NO ONES BUSINESS but yours and your mate. Some people are very open about it but others know that the type of friends or family they have will look down on it as "taking the easy way out". I'm here to tell you there is nothing EASY about major surgery...

I have to agree with you on saying female problems. Sometimes once you say that either someone just gives you the oh I understand or they want to tell you a story to try to explain they can relate.

Stephanie - I'm definitely going to use the diet specifics you gave because I have a lot of nosy ppl at my job and it's none of their business about my decision. My husband and I thought about this for a few years because my arthritis has been so bad I've been getting injections and have really bad moments where I can hardly walk. I'm tired because I can't even go to the gym like I use to. This isn't the easy way out at all and it's a very personal decision.

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[Pescador 1,374]

Ughh...My husband said that the easiest and best thing is to tell the truth. Of course he isnt having the surgery and doesn't have to deal with the gossip, questions, back hand comments and "easy way out" looks. I'm a very private person. He said that they will eventually find out, however, I've been going to the gym and dieting for about 4 months and loosing some weight...he is clueless about how I feel, and he himself has made me feel depressed, ugly and less because of my weight.. not all the time, but we have had issues. He is overweight too..heh

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M husband and I can attest to th fact that people won't figure it out unless he tells them. We told no one, we lost weight slowly by eating different. So our"diet" changed our life. No one pays attention to how we eat, I really dot want to talk about my surgery to everyone so life is very simple and good. We do out out with couples regularly, and now even another couple splits one steak dinner like we do because we were all overeating.