Very grouchy husband after vgs

[LMSWNYC 119]

I notice the smaller i get my husband has become increasingly grouchier . He is constantly asking me why am I so concerned about my looks and if I am trying to impress someone. I tell him yes I am trying to impress myself - there is wrong with that. Whenever I ask him to do something he acts as if I asked him to run 5 miles. All of these excuses not to do anything, not to go anywhere. All he wants to do is stay home and watch television. I was hoping he would see my progress and want to follow through with bariatric surgery himself but I don't see him on that path. He says he does not need surgery but I know he has a food addiction and I really feel it is coming between our marriage. I feel like I am moving towards a healthier life and he is stuck in his ways. I am hoping that with time things do get better and he realizes that we both need to make changes to improve our quality of life. I know I have a good husband and that all of these changes are hard on him too.

Anyone experiencing something similar ?

[frozengrapes 50]

No, not at all. My husband has been super supportive at every turn.

You husband is insecure about the new you. He may need reassurance that you did this for you and no one else. Explain to him how you need his support and that you want him with you every step of the way.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@LMSWNYC It's very common. Relationships have many challenges during this journey. It sounds as though your husband has some insecurity. I encourage you to openly and honestly communicate with each other. There's some good info online about this. Unfortunately, divorce isn't uncommon after WLS.

[Lexigurl82 160]

@@LMSWNYC Sounds like you have a insecure husband and due to his low self esteem and low confidence, he does not like the new you. Whatever happens, do not stop living a healthy lifestyle. As someone above mentioned, divorce isn't uncommon after bariatric surgery. Once you begin to lose weight, you start to gain confidence and realize your self worth. I had the gastric sleeve performed in December 2015. 3 weeks after my surgery, my husband and I separated and he blamed he surgery when in fact, he was the issue. I had not lost that much weight, as I was only 3 weeks out from surgery. A month later, I filed for a divorce. We were married for 7 years too long. When I married my ex husband 7 years ago, I was already overweight. I had no self esteem, no confidence. He on the other hand was not overweight, educated and said he wanted to marry me. I grabbed him by the coat tails because I didn't think anyone else would want me since I was overweight. Every year that we were married, I continued to gain weight because I was extremely unhappy and depressed in our marriage. His actions kept me on edge and I was thrown in competitions with women and his porn addiction. After I had my surgery, I sat down with him and asked him to change his ways or lose me forever. He refused to stop watching porn and also rejected me in the process, yet he insisted he loved me. I left home thinking he would change but he got worse. He ended up finding a mistress and slept with her the day after our wedding anniversary, which was this past January. Our divorce was just finalized in July 2016. I am pretty sure he hates the new me and I am ok with that lol. I suggest that you and your husband consider marriage counseling and I hope he is receptive. If he doesn't wish to go through with counseling and believe that you love him and only him, your situation will just go from bad to worse. I really wish you the best and I apologize for my long post lol. Feel free to reach out to me anytime and please keep us all posted. Congrats on your weight loss and keep up the good work no matter what!

[LMSWNYC 119]

Lexigurl82 thanks for sharing. You are a strong woman! Congrats to you on getting out of that unhealthy relationship.

Im not sure to what extent I should be concerned about my husband's recent comments or that divorce would be something to consider down the line. I am still processing things and trying to keep things in perspective. He has been supportive through this process and up until now I felt very supported by him. I do think that there are challenges we need to Iron out with time. I do believe that at 6 months post op my weightloss is very noticeable and he is feeling insecure about my new apperance. Bariatric surgery affects the entire family and I just have to figure out how its affecting my relationship and address the issues.

[LMSWNYC 119]

I am going to bring this up with my therapist when I see him. I know there is much more to process than described in this post- thanks ALL! I will keep you posted! ????????

[Valentina 2,642]

Since I am not a professional therapist I can not give your professional advice. Besides, if I were, you'd have to pay me!

I would consider therapy for the two of you---alone and then together. You HAVE changed. He hasn't and maybe doesn't want to.

Remember, there are few things more irritating than: an x-alcoholic, a born again Christian, or a recent weight lost "know what's best for every one".

He may be able to listen and talk to someone objective rather than be "preached" to by you===even well intented.

Get going on getting your marriage back on track. Do NOT put therapy off---hoping it "he will come around".

I know.

Wishing you nothing but many years of happily married life.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Have you talked to him about this? Perhaps it's real or perhaps you're just anticipating it so you're noticing it more?

Seek therapy if you a want to better your relationship. If he doesn't want to go, go solo. I have a degree in psychology, but I'd never dream of offering specific relationship advice via an Internet post.

You are both worth a great love life, mentally and physically.