I started the BariatricPal forums to create a safe place for everyone in the weight loss surgery community. It is for pre-op and post-op patients, for patients of all types of WLS, and for anyone who supports the WLS community. I want you to be able to come here for advice, encouragement, support, and information without worrying about being judged.

I have a zero-tolerance policy for rudeness, and you can see the guidelines in the Forum Rules.

Recently, there have been several instances of members being disrespectful or downright rude. Examples include:

• Stating or implying that a poster is doomed to failure or not ready for WLS because he or she asked a certain question or is engaged in a certain behavior.
• Telling people that your way is the only way, and any other way means the member deserves WLS failure.
• Discriminating against “newbies,” such as letting a newbie know that you don’t think he or she will succeed, or asking only “vets” to reply to a certain thread. (Reminder: you can always choose not to follow the advice of someone you deem unqualified to give it).

The vast majority of BariatricPal members do a phenomenal job making BariatricPal the warm, friendly community that I dreamed of when I started it. Thank you! Besides being sure to be polite and respectful, here are some additional ways to help.

If you see an offensive post, please consider the following.

• You do not need to respond. Instead of giving a rude answer and escalating the situation, you can simply choose not to answer.
• You can report the post by clicking on the “Report” option under the post. A forum moderator will look into the situation and may delete the post or ban the member if the member continues to post inappropriately.
• You can send the member a private message explaining that you felt the post was inappropriate, and explaining why. In many cases, you may be surprised that the member did not even realize he or she was being rude.

Please also think twice before you respond to any questions or other posts. It is possible that you could write a post that is genuinely meant to be helpful, but the person could accidentally interpret your post the wrong way. Try to remember that:

• It is very difficult to communicate a specific tone in writing. You may write something that you think is helpful and understanding, while someone reading it might take it as bossy or judgmental.
• Emoticons such as smiley faces can help.
• You can also add a sentence to explain that you are only offering a suggestion or sharing your own experience and that you are not trying to judge the OP.
• The OP might be in a vulnerable situation. They may be panicking about a worrisome symptom. They may be in turmoil about whether to get WLS. They may be freaking out about a stall. When they’re upset, it’s easier for them to misinterpret your well-meaning post.

Thank you for doing your best to keep the environment at BariatricPal positive, encouraging, and open. We all need a place to go for help and support, and I want the entire weight loss surgery to feel comfortable using BariatricPal for advice and encouragement.

@ I see what you mean regarding my second question.

I still don't understand the "inconsistent advice" part. For me inconsistent advice would be e. g. one veteran (or newbie) says "it's fine to eat X after four weeks, my program allowed for it" while another veteran (or newbie) says "no, don't do it, my program didn't allow for it".

That would be inconsistent advice for me. In this case obviously both are right (they did follow their program), yet the advice is inconsistent.

have you noticed that many of those who spark the issues tend to disappear also?

You mean they shit stir on purpose? Maybe. There are such people.

However, maybe being bashed one time is just enough for them. Start one thread that gets out of control when you're relatively new and you don't want to post again that much. You go elsewhere or lurk only.

For a long time user starting or participating in such a thread it might be the final straw that brakes the camel's back.

@ I see what you mean regarding my second question.

I still don't understand the "inconsistent advice" part. For me inconsistent advice would be e. g. one veteran (or newbie) says "it's fine to eat X after four weeks, my program allowed for it" while another veteran (or newbie) says "no, don't do it, my program didn't allow for it".

That would be inconsistent advice for me. In this case obviously both are right (they did follow their program), yet the advice is inconsistent.

The only medical advice appropriate on a message board is "ask your doctor." You're paying them specifically for care, and it is their duty to provide it. Use it!

All other advice here should be "this was/is/has been my experience."

I don't put up with emotional bullshit from anyone... I'm not here to soothe the mentally unstable or provide therapy; again, there are medical professionals you can pay for that.

Which means that I'm not going to play head games with the easily offended/those looking to be offended. Go play with your dumbass girlfriends if you need that drama.

And I have to disagree with Alex... tone is relatively easy to pick up in text. But "tone" isn't taught in English until 9th grade, and for many, if not most Americans it takes 13 years of their education (K-12) just to get to a 7th grade mastery of the language.

The trope that "tone is difficult" is just a way to disguise one's inability to write effectively... not to mention the reader's ability to comprehend the material (again, 13 years to attain 7 years of mastery).

In conclusion, I would simply recommend growing a thicker skin, and asking your doctor for real advice. For tips, message boards are fine, if you can learn to simply ignore the squawking hens.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

I learned a long time ago, when it comes to responding to posts or giving any advice on WLS, all I can ever truthfully do is give my own experiences within a certain area....if I have no experience, then I have nothing to say.

I had the Lap Band procedure...I don't respond to threads concerning other procedures...How can I?

I haver no earthly idea who the people on this forum are, their personalities, medical conditions, mental and emotional state.

Nor do people know me....

So don't take anything I say as Gospel, but with a grain of salt, and remember what I say is only what I do or have done, and that does not make it right.

If you don't agree with I say or do, that's fine...I never expect it.

But it's also no reason to throw stones...

Listen to what everyone says, then draw your own conclusions, and pass it by your Dr.

If there is one pet-peeve I have about this forum, is when people will take the authority and proclaim "Thou shall not do BLah Blah Blah.."

If you do you will never be successful, you will surely fail.

If they started their proclamation with "this is my opinion" or "This is what I was taught" then that lightens it up a bit.

When I read one of these threads, I want so bad to jump in and say "I do that all the time...daily...and I consider myself one of the most successful people on this forum" !!!!

But I don't, at least not until counting to 100.

Every "opinion" has a "Alter Opinion"

That's what makes it interesting.

Hey when I say it I mean it