Im trying to decide how to handle telling anyone about haveing surgery..I have told 3 of my best girlfriends and my DH. I cant decide whether to tell my parents/family.

Where I am having a problem w/ not telling is: what do you say when people notice youre loosing weight and ask how youre doing it? And what if they come right and ask if you had WLS?

My other problem is this. Im obviously leaning towards not telling but I feel guilty not telling my parents that I ham having surgery in general. They would never forgive me/dh if something happened to me and I didnt tell them...You know?

Advice please? I just dont want to tell because I know people will be watching/judging me, just waiting for me to fail..I dunno..I know several people who have had GBS and I totally pay attention to whether they have been loosing or gaining when I see them. I just dont want people doing that to me...:speechles

Please don't think I'm trying to sound preachy -- I just like to make people look at things from another side.

I have four grown children and two in-laws. Some of them have enough of a weight problem that WLS surgery could be an option in their lives. (My DIL's younger sister had WLS several years ago at 17.)

Speaking as a mother and mother-in-law....I would be SO hurt to think that my child did not feel 'safe enough' in my love tp tell me when something so monumental was going on in their life. Why would they not want what's best for you? and for you to succeed??

Yes, people are going to watch what you do -- but as obese people, aren't we always aware of that? I went to the movies with a friend today -- my first such outing since surgery. (And -- incredibly, I survived WITHOUT popcorn!!!:whoo: but I digress....)

I was conscious of people watching as I was dropped at the door and minced my way inside. It's 100 degrees and I'm still sore. But I caught myself wondering how many were thinking "Poor fat slob really ought to do something."

Oh, well......I can't live my life wondering what others are thinking of me. I just have to live the best life I can each day.

Besides, six months from now they won't recognize me at the movies anyhow!

I tell people I have changed my eating habits, exercise regularly, and have learned to eat smaller portions. None of this is a lie.

I have told some people but not all. There are too many people that would not be supportive and I don't want to hear about it.

If someone is rude enough to ask you about a personal medical issue such as WLS, simply ask them why they are asking. When people have to explain why they are being rude it tends to shut them up and rethink their manners.

My coworkers know (small shop, scheduling required they know), but most of my friends don't. To them, I simply laugh it off with "eat less and work out...who knew?" and a smile/shrug.

And yeah, only 3 months out people have noticed.

I only told 2 ppl, my husband & sister. I feel like I made the right decision for myself. I haven't had any awkwardness at all. I just tell ppl that ask that I am eating less and jogging daily. Both of which are true.

You need to do what feels right for you. Family members are not entitled to information about your body. If you decide to tell them make sure it is out of love, not out of Fear that you are hurting there feelings.

I think the weight loss will be slow enough that people won't just automatically think you had WLS. Anyhow, I'm not telling people either. When people ask home I'm doing it I will tell them by not eating much. That should shut them up. No special diet just plain old not eating much a/k/a the starvation diet only we shouldn't feel starving anymore.

I don't know about anyone else, but for me, telling has HELPED me stay the course. Always before I'd say, "Oh yeah, I'm back at Weight Watchers" and be full of enthusiasm.....and then I'd fall off the wagon and folks would say..."what happened?" and I'd shrug. I want every speck of incentive in the world now. That means the incentive from shelling out about $13,000 of my own money for the procedure...a huge investment in myself, AND telling everyone. I want those eyes on me. THAT is incentive. It's me against "results typical". I'll show em! My weight loss is my best advertisement and my best revenge! I WANT their eyes to pop. I WANT them to ask how it's going. And I WILL be successful and I will show EVERYONE and I will be proud of my accomplishment!!!

Oh Nana, isn't that funny! I went to a movie one week after surgery and I too was AMAZED I didn't have popcorn (I had bottled water and was just FINE!). I thought I would DIE if I didn't have popcorn at a movie! Wow...I LIVED!!!! And....I enjoyed the movie! Who'd a thunk it!

Please don't think I'm trying to sound preachy -- I just like to make people look at things from another side.

I have four grown children and two in-laws. Some of them have enough of a weight problem that WLS surgery could be an option in their lives. (My DIL's younger sister had WLS several years ago at 17.)

Speaking as a mother and mother-in-law....I would be SO hurt to think that my child did not feel 'safe enough' in my love To tell me when something so monumental was going on in their life. Why would they not want what's best for you? and for you to succeed??

Not preachy at all. Thats exactly why I want to tell my parents....Thank you for reminding me of that...

I guess in the back of my head, I'm the same old me. Still afraid of failure. Like its just one more weight loss thing I'm failing at. kwim?

I know I will do great at this and this is my last and only chance at making this huge change, but I still a little nervous about it not working...:omg:

Thanks for your input. I'm thinking of telling my parents and those close to me and deciding on the rest as it comes....:clap2:

I know exactly how you feel. I don't want to tell anyone at all. I have told my two adult daughters and my hubby of course. My son is one of those who talk first then think later, and many times says hurtful things not even realizing it. I will not give him the chance to hurt me! I have let those who know that they are NOT to tell my son.

My only question is, how do you deal with the first weeks of liquids and soft foods when around other people? I can't think of anything to say to them that would make sense.

Bea:help:

This is a personal decision. One you have to be comfortable enough to make. If you are comfortable enough to go through with the surgery, why would you be concerned with someone judging you for choosing to be healthy instead of unhealthy, regardless of how you chose to get that way? Lapband, is only a tool, you still have to work at it so if you said that you cut back on eating and began to excercise you would not be lying. Besides this is no one's business but your own, you don't owe anyone but yourself and God an explanation. As far as your parents, tell them you are having a simple outpatient procedure. Thats not totally a lie, if you dont want to go into details...then don't. Thats my $.02

That is so true!

Be blessed everyone!

You need to do what feels right for you. Family members are not entitled to information about your body. If you decide to tell them make sure it is out of love, not out of Fear that you are hurting there feelings.

Im a tad nervous about that too. Im in nursing program w/ 26 other people that I see/eat with every day! I think Im just going to stay at school for lunch instead of going out and just say that either Im on a new diet or tell them I cant afford to go out the next couple weeks..Not sure. I am allowed to munch on veggies for my pre-op diet so one should notice me stopping eating, they will just think Im trying to eat healthier. I also have to drink Bariatrix protein shakes (theyre gross!) but I will try to do that at home.

Good luck to us both!

Not preachy at all. Thats exactly why I want to tell my parents....Thank you for reminding me of that...

I guess in the back of my head, I'm the same old me. Still afraid of failure. Like its just one more weight loss thing I'm failing at. kwim?

I know I will do great at this and this is my last and only chance at making this huge change, but I still a little nervous about it not working...:omg:

Thanks for your input. I'm thinking of telling my parents and those close to me and deciding on the rest as it comes....:clap2:

I'm so happy I was able to express myself without coming off too opinionated.

I know everyone is different, and I'm not a very 'private' person at all. I've seen a lot of hurt and unnecessary suffering come from people being too private.

And, not to sound sanctimonious, I would feel like a hypocrit telling people "Oh, I'm just eating healthier and exercising more." ESPECIALLY if it is someone overweight!!!

Because if I was considering having WLS and worked up the nerve to ask someone who'd had significant and rapid weight loss -- and that was the reply I heard -- I would just walk away saying, "See, you're such a loser and a failure -- why can't YOU just eat better and exercise!!! You're such an idiot. Why don't you just go stuff your face some more!!?!"

I guess I can't place the importance of my pride above the possibility of my less-than-100%-honest response setting off negative feelings in someone else.

Just my POV, I guess.