I'm not banded yet, but I have concerns. I'm wondering if significant weight loss has affected anyone's relationship with their spouse / significant other. I'm in recovery and I've seen a lot of marraiges / relationships break up when 1 person goes into recovery because the dynamic of the relationship changes and co-dependency issues arise etc... I'm married and concerned since my husband married me heavy.

Just curious....

Maria

Funny that I ran across this question.My husband and I have been married for 11yrs and have 3 kids.After having the kids and gaining so much weight sex was just a job for me and I had NO self esteem.Now after losing almost 50lbs I am actually enjoying it and initiate it.He made a comment on it today and I said just wait till I have my tummy tuck!Ultimatly this has made our relationship stronger.

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 yrs. He is not the jelous type , I was thin when we met ( 130 lbs) . So he knows my "thin" personality as I call it, in fact he wants THAT person back , frankly so do i .

Im not as out going and "Bubblie" as I was when I was thin.

One thing I have noticed since I have lost some weight ( I was banded on 7-16-07 and have lost 27lbs so far) is that I no longer want to stay in the house and do nothing. He's not overweight. We have never been an "Active" family but I would like to start to be . He works out side so doesnt want to do a whole lot during the weekend and I do now . So we had a talk today that I want us as a family ( we have 2 kids ages 6 and 15) to become more active and get out of the house more, he agreed, I told him if they dont i see that becoming a big issue because im going to feel isolated from everyone else, and it will be the opposite of before. THEY Were the ones going and doing stuff and I was at home , never wanting to do anything cause of my weight .

The boys and Hubby want to sit around and play video games alot ( they play world of war craft) and I want to just get out, I have a TON more energy al ready .

Sorry im rambling LMAO

Mindy

I am only 3 months out so I guess what I say doesnt mean much in this department. So far it has been good... my dh used to be frustrated watching me lay around doing nothing and eating a lot of garbage. Now I am eating healthy even when he isnt. I think our sex life has improved too now that my self esteem is changing.

It will be interesting to see how things are in 9 months. It seems all I can think about is how different my life will be one year out from surgery. I was actually surprised by my Dh's response to me wanting the surgery in the first place. I was expecting to have to do this all on my own with no support because I thought he would just tell me to just stop eating and work out. He totally surprised me by saying he thought it was a good idea and has been wonderful and caring during the whole process thus far. Not that he isnt normally very caring and sensitive to my needs. I just expected him not to be so gung ho about it and I am very happy he is...

and why not?? It clearly benefits us both!

Thanks for everyone's replies and the honesty. I'm having problems with my husband now - he's the nicest, kindest person, not abusive at all, actually way too passive, never raises his voice, never fights back in an argument, lacking in parenting skills (I have a mildly autistic 3 year old) and I do so much work with this child - only for him to undo a lot of my teachings "Not to upset" my son and I think I have lost a lot respect for him in ALL areas. I'm just thinking, If I'm successful with losing weight with the lap band and feeling good about myself etc... I really don't think this relationship is going to satisfy me. But, losing weight could also be instrumental in improving my marraige - with counseling.

Thanks for listening....

Maria

Man - all you gals have husbands/boyfriends who have no idea how lucky they are. I've lost over 110 pounds and while I feel damn sexy now , my wife has absolutely zero interest in sex and its really crushing my self-esteem. I only wish I knew how to motivate her. She says that sex for women is emotional, but she's been starting lots of fights and arguments lately, and I play the passive "whatever you say dear" role cause I just don't want to prolong the agony, but then later, she blames our fighting as the reason she won't have sex, so either way, I lose.

Jesse-

Your wife doesn't realize how lucky she is. You look healthy and sexy! Hang in there. Maybe she will see the light!

Man - all you gals have husbands/boyfriends who have no idea how lucky they are. I've lost over 110 pounds and while I feel damn sexy now , my wife has absolutely zero interest in sex and its really crushing my self-esteem. I only wish I knew how to motivate her. She says that sex for women is emotional, but she's been starting lots of fights and arguments lately, and I play the passive "whatever you say dear" role cause I just don't want to prolong the agony, but then later, she blames our fighting as the reason she won't have sex, so either way, I lose.

Jesse

I am sorry hun you are having problems, I am sure she is insecure like alot of our men are now. Our weightloss I think comes with alot of emotional baggage for others as well. She may be thinking that you are going to leave her now, have you tried to reassure her that is not going to happen?

Jesse,

It could very well be that she is intimidated by your weight loss. By the looks of your picture you are great looking and quite buff! People act out of fear a lot of the times, and she may have a fear of losing you so she is pushing you away before you reject her (which thinks might happen). I would suggest the two of you seek some help.

Also, you may have to get more creative in romancing her and reassuring her that she is the only one for you. Whoever said marriage was easy was never married!

Good luck

Jesse- me and my dh went thru that for a while.. he *thought* I was always picking fights, which meant I was not going to 'get in the mood' that night just cause he slaps my butt.. but I was 'picking fights', because all day long he would ignore me when I was trying to get attention, and then *my* self-esteem was crushed, so when he wanted sex that night, I was just full of being pissed off and resenting being ignored, and thus.. we didn't have sex for a loooong time. When I'd bring up why I was mad all the time, he'd make excuses why it was all my imagination, but he would pick playing video games over coming to bed with me.. and that's enough to turn me off for a month! That was a while ago in itself..

But, I wanted to say since surgery, dh and I both notice sex is more frequent, for whatever reason. Other then that, the dynamic of our relationship hasn't changed.. I'm hoping we'll get to go on more tourist-y trips now that I can walk for long periods of time without pain

I am newly banded and have my concerns. When I met my current DH I was 100 lbs thinner. He was a very very very jealous man. As time grew on and I grew and grew and grew, he became so much better. The jealousy has becme non existant. Now that I am banded and I beome myself again, I wonder what is going to happen? Will he go back to his old ways? Only time will tell!

Ang

When I was banded I was trapped (or at least I thought I was) in an abusive relationship with my daughters father. I had zero self esteem and I knew I had to do something for my sake and my daughters. So the band helped me get alot of my confidence back and eventually I figured out how to get him out of my life for good. yeah!

and Jesse nice arms hon

I had to put off my band surgery for a year because DH and I were having major problems and I would not have passed the psych eval. :cry Things are some what better now (we've been in counseling for over a year) but I don't know what is going to happen as I lose more.

I have always been heavy. Right now I'm probably 5-10 pounds less than what I weighted when I got married. (though after two kids, each of whom I nursed for over a year, it is distributed a little differently.) If it wasn't for the kids, I would have left him last year. But for their sake, I'm trying to make it work.

I'm really worried about this but only time will tell. He says I look good which I suppose means that my weight loss has had a positive effect on our relationship. But our problems are a lot deeper than that.

frog

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• We're both 'middle-aged' and that can have it's own brand of drive-by insanity.

<p><img src="http://www.LapBandTalk.com/images/smilies/faint.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Faint" smilieid="236" class="inlineimg" />Ahahaha! NanaRenan, that made my day.</p>

I've been worried myself about how my relationship with my SO will change after I lose the weight. He's not a jealous type, but I fear it will bring out his insecurities in his own body and our relationship. Or worse, that I'll get caught up in the new attention and begin to wander.

My 9th anniversary is tuesday...I'm hoping to hit the 50 pounds lost mark on that day. If not...another day.

My relationship is very solid. DH has been sooo very supportive and solicitious..and usually he is a bit self-centered and unaware, so there are good things happening here. Sex is better as we fit better. He needs to lose a bit and I for a while he was doing well, but sort of lost his motivation. He started exercising with me this week and I think we will keep after it. He is usually the exercise nut and I'm more reluctant.

We live a very active life...no matter how large I was. I am pleased to have so much more energy now.

I think, for those of you who are wondering about problems looming ahead...go to counseling now. Make it your safe place to talk about touchy issues and then when things get rough, if they do, you will not have a fight to get him/her to the therapist. (I am a therapist!)

someone above talked about their DH responding in anger...confront the anger...DH..did you know that when I say/do..... you respond...thus and so?

I'm not pro-divorce...at all. I was single till I was 40. But...life it too short to be miserable. AND I always wonder what is being modeled for the kids.

Okay, I' m done rambling. Thanks for listening to me!!

Shawn

I'm not banded yet, but I have concerns. I'm wondering if significant weight loss has affected anyone's relationship with their spouse / significant other. I'm in recovery and I've seen a lot of marraiges / relationships break up when 1 person goes into recovery because the dynamic of the relationship changes and co-dependency issues arise etc... I'm married and concerned since my husband married me heavy.

Just curious....

Maria

Significant weight loss has profoundly affected my marriage.

It has made it much stronger.

I believe strong relationships get stronger after this surgery, and weak relationships get weaker or dissolve.