I'm not banded yet, but I have concerns. I'm wondering if significant weight loss has affected anyone's relationship with their spouse / significant other. I'm in recovery and I've seen a lot of marraiges / relationships break up when 1 person goes into recovery because the dynamic of the relationship changes and co-dependency issues arise etc... I'm married and concerned since my husband married me heavy.

Just curious....

Maria

When I was banded I was trapped (or at least I thought I was) in an abusive relationship with my daughters father. I had zero self esteem and I knew I had to do something for my sake and my daughters. So the band helped me get alot of my confidence back and eventually I figured out how to get him out of my life for good. yeah!

and Jesse nice arms hon

Please share your secret...I need it. I always go back...why????

Since everyone has talked about one person, I was wondering what it will be like for couples that have the lapband done. My wife and I are going to be one week apart and I was wondering how other couples have adjusted.

Chris

Pre-Op

Dr. Minkin St. Louis

250/

No it has not my husband loves me big or small, I am blessed to have that kind of love. UNCONDITIONAL what a great word !:eek:

my relationship has had its ups and downs...

right now i have never been so happy...

i asked my bf before surgery last week..dont you want a hott girlfriend..

his reply was..i already have one!! and now he has been ok with me..he is actually encouraging me and saying i look thinner...and being really supportive WOW!!

at first he wasnt but i told him he needed to change or i was leaving... then it was like he did a 180... i couldnt be more happier..!!

It's weak and getting weaker... What IS sad is my complete indifference to the whole thing. It has nothing at all to do with LapBand.

Thanks for your words,

Maria

Chris- I know there's a few couples banded together, there's a lady in our monthly support group (Shrinking Violets) whose husband was banded about a month after her. They sound like they are doing great! She's our mascot and she is always gone now.. they're on vacation all the time!

It's weak and getting weaker... What IS sad is my complete indifference to the whole thing. It has nothing at all to do with LapBand.

Thanks for your words,

Maria

Hi Maria,

I don't know if you can rule out the effect of the Lap-Band on your relationship, because, in my experience, having a Lap-Band changed how I view things.

Prior to banding, I was less likely to reject unacceptable situations, and was more passive in what I wanted.

After Lap-Band, I seem to be far less accepting of a less-than-desirable result.

I am more demanding that things go "My way".

My relationship is very strong, and was going into the surgery. Even so, I have noticed that I am more demanding that things between Angela and myself go "My way".

I know that PRIOR to having Lap-Band, I was already changing my acceptance of intolerable situations, so it may be a coincidence that, post-op, I am noticing that change in attitude more.

I also believe that in my pre-band life, I used food as a comforter when I did not get things "My way", and I know that was a major contributor to my obesity.

So, the chicken, or the egg?

Did my attitude change because of the Lap-Band, or did I get a Lap-Band BECAUSE my attitude was ALREADY changing?

I don't know...

But I *DO* know this:

If I were in a relationship now that I felt unfullfilled in, I would be getting OUT of it as soon as I could, because life is too short, and frankly, I deserve better!

Ok um my guy/friend doesn't know and I want to keep it that way.

Years ago when I went for the bypass he was totally against it.

I was avoiding him since the surgery.

He came over yesterday and I was getting undressed and I forgot I had a bandage on my port scar and he asked me why was a bandaid on my stomach?

I said oh I burned myself with grease on my stomach while frying chicken.

He bought it!

I just dont think I need to tell him this.

He's not my husband and he's barely my boyfriend.

When it comes to making serious moves in my life the only true opinion that counts is mine!

You are a very wise man...

These words:

"If I were in a relationship now that I felt unfullfilled in, I would be getting OUT of it as soon as I could, because life is too short, and frankly, I deserve better!"

Really state it best. The problem is he's not a bad guy. He's kind, and never raises his voice, very passive. To me, he's very dopey, like he went undiagnosed with ADD or something. (He's foreign and did not have a lot growing up) I did know something was up when we were dating but after I had my son (who is mildly autistic) I really became aware that he has a problem. I am not sympathetic at all.. I get angry with him and he can do NOTHING right in my eyes. I feel horrible about this. I know if I lose a substantial amount of weight and feel good about myself and gain some confidence, this relationship will be unsatisfying (as it already is). Do you think an adult can be diagnosed and/or treated for ADD with meds?

Just a thought,

Maria

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Yes he can be treated. I would suggest you have talk with son's doctor and she who they would suggest your husband to see and be tested. They might be able to do that for you. Just a thought and idea for you. I hope you can get him treated.

Chris

Pre Band

St. Louis

250/

It adversly affected my marrage. I think it was a jealousy thing. When she noticed other women noticing me, it got uncomfortable for her though there was no reason. Never had a desire for another woman, and never looked twice at another. Everything is better now that the divorce is final, LOL

2 years 4 months post op

225 pounds lost

Life is good!

Thanks for your suggestion - I will ask my son's dr., maybe she can direct me to a therapist.

Maria

It adversly affected my marrage. I think it was a jealousy thing. When she noticed other women noticing me, it got uncomfortable for her though there was no reason. Never had a desire for another woman, and never looked twice at another. Everything is better now that the divorce is final, LOL

2 years 4 months post op

225 pounds lost

Life is good!

Awww, there's a good sign! lol...????