I’ve seen a few threads pop up recently about post-op patients who are having trouble with their social lives. Specifically, they don’t seem to be compatible with their old groups of friends anymore.

A lot of times, pre-op socializing revolved around going to the bar or meeting for brunch, lunch, dinner, or watching the game on TV while eating unhealthy Snacks. Post-op, you’ve moved past drinking and overeating, but maybe your old friends have not. Maybe you’ve discovered that eating and drinking were all you had in common with them, and now that bond is gone.

Have you found that since surgery, you are not able to get together with your old friends like you used to? How are you handling it? Have you hung out more with other groups of friends who don’t need your meetings to revolve around food? Have you found new friends as you’ve expanded your interests and abilities as you lose weight? Or have you been able to persuade your eating and drinking buddies to become buddies for walking, shopping, sewing, or something else not related to food?

Do you have any tips for other WLS patients who may be feeling lonely post-op as they need to change their social habits?

That's a great post and terrific questions!

I've found just the opposite- I'm finding myself reconnecting with friends I've let go as I went into hiding the larger- and more depressed because of it- I got. My weight gain came over the course of nine years, with years 3-7 being the worst. I began "hiding".

This spring, after about a month after surgery, I came out of hiding. Friends were excited to see me! They missed me!!!! How happy I was, not only to pick up where we left off, but that I was finally feeling good. I was never a drinker, but most gatherings do revolve around great food. I ate before I went out, and didn't think twice. No one noticed I wasn't eating because we were too happy chatting.

It is certainly liberating to be out and about. Now, almost 10 weeks out, the difference in me is very noticeable, and when I see someone I haven't in a couple of years, usually it's accompanied by a "Lisa, you look great! Are you feeling better??" I've not opened up about my surgery. But they knew I was sick. I simply reply "thank you, yes, feeling much better and I'm finally off all the steroids. ".

My advice- surprise yourself with the people who were/are close to you. They will simply be happy you are feeling better, motivated, etc. and likely just accept the fact that you are THERE.

I'm generally an antisocial hermit, and losing weight hasn't changed that. I have a lot of acquaintances, and a core group of close friends. I don't talk to them more or less now than in the past, although I suppose the big difference is that when I am talked into leaving my desk and work to go out, I feel far more confident. In the past I might have avoided going to dinner, and while I still do, the reason now is because I'd rather be working, whereas the reason in the past was that I was ashamed to be seen in public.

Only my three best friends know about my sleeve procedure, which leaves about 5-8 people I talk to regularly, which involves most of them as daily texting, that only know that I lost weight. I have not stopped talking to or had any issues with a single person as a result of weight loss, and the biggest change is in myself. I feel like I'm not embarrassing people when I go out with them any more, haha.

I just posted this in another thread:

http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-science-of-making-friends-1460992572?mod=e2fb

nah, everyone knows about my surgery that I hang out with and so on the occasion we meet for lunch or go out at night nothing's changed for me but I order differently at the places we meet. I've not found anywhere that didn't have something I can have....... except that I've not tried alcohol yet(but I generally drink at home, and not out and about) and I don't feel like baking right now so I don't have some of the treats for others that I normally have. pretty sure I will feel like baking later on.

90% of the time I'm just at home with my family so nothin's really changed there.

Nothing about my social life has changed because I really haven't changed. Same person as I've always been, same interests, same job, same hobbies. I still have the same friends and we do the same stuff. If I had my choice I'd be a hermit and never leave the house, and WLS find not change that. But as always, I say yes to the invites I have to and make appearances at the usual celebratory events. Everyone knows I had WLS and no one makes a big deal of it or treats me any different. My relationships with my family members are the same.....loving and supportive and we always have fun together.

Probably the biggest change is that I am now the sober one. And that's a new experience for me, after being a fully functional alcoholic who drank every single day for years! I still hang out with the same people and go to parties, I just don't get sh**t faced while many of them still do. They are actually thrilled with my DD super powers.

I really haven't had a social life since John's suicide. Coming back to BP was my first attempt to reconnect with people. For the most part I have been met with what I perceive as heartfelt caring and support. I thank those fellow posters. You know who you are. You are the reason I am now able to peek into the "public arena" again.

I still have not allowed myself to become too close to anyone. Not yet, but, one day at a time. Baby steps, right?

I don't have a lot of friends. I had my sleeve about 4 years ago. 2 years ago my best friend since we were 12 decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. She told other people we have in common that I changed since I lost a lot of weight, and she didn't like the person I've become. Growing up we had always been about the same size, so when I had the surgery that was no longer the case. I may have changed since surgery, I spend more time outside, I go workout, I count calories but I didn't turn into someone kind of superficial Bish. It's been two years and it still stings like it happened yesterday

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I have the best group of girlfriends from college. We are a group of 15 and meet every other week for dinner and twice yearly for a five day weekend away. They loved me fat, they love me not fat. Nothing has changed.

I also have friends within my kids' friends' parents. They are involved in theater, show choir, martial arts, etc. Nothing has changed there either.

I've always had a big personality with a large social circle. The only change that's occurred is how much space I take up in the car or restaurant booth. My college friends know as they are my life long besties, the rest don't.

I tend to meet friends for coffee more now rather than lunch or dinner - but I still go to lunch or dinner with people occasionally. I just eat an appetizer or about 1/3 of an entree rather than a whole meal.

Some great questions lately. Pre op I had this notion that I would become more inclined to socialize and involve myself with people and things I normally avoided. After about 40 pounds were gone I found that I didn't want any new attention after all. Truthfully it was the emotional aspects that kept me from wanting to interact with others - either new friends or old. I hid out for the longest time other than going to work and taking care of my family. I looked at the ground everywhere I went pretending that if I couldn't see any people then surely they wouldn't see me either.

Then I started figuring this thing out. Now at nearly 70 pounds gone I don't really hide anymore and I have quite a bit of confidence in talking to people whether they are new or old acquaintances. I do it every day and some days I don't hate it.

What I have found is that while I thought I wanted to become a social, fun loving person, what I really wanted was the inner peace and serenity to be comfortable with my own company and that I needed to learn to love myself and treat myself well. I got that. The entire journey was well worth it and a blessing.

Funny how everyone's end result is quite different for various reasons but for the most part we all gained something very valuable. All from having the most of our stomach removed. Go figure.

I'm pre op and I have already changed habits. I was the happy eater. Now I'm the careful eater and prefer to eat at home. I've lost 19lbs. Am I being anti social?

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@@sharonintx I'm with you. I'm much more interested in having inner peace and happiness than I am in being a social butterfly or wanting other people to like me.

@@sharonintx I'm with you. I'm much more interested in having inner peace and happiness than I am in being a social butterfly or wanting other people to like me.

I feel fortunate that I've always felt both inner peace and happiness. I wanted good health and skinny jeans.

I think it's evident that I don't care if people like me.

I used to be happy, even when I was fat. But Unfortunately I know too much now to ever be happy again. All I can do is learn how to be at peace with the unhappiness.

And yeah, people can GFT.

My social life is mostly the same. My friends and I have been friends for more than 15 years. Some even longer. 3 of my closest friends have gotten or are getting WLS after seeing how great I was doing with it. The only real difference now is when we go out, we order tons less food and don't go to any more seafood buffets, LOL!!!!

I'm also more willing to go out more because I don't have anxiety over what to wear, if I'll fit in the space, and if I'll get too tired to keep walking.