I just read this excellent essay and it brought to mind some of the posts I see on here, especially related to taking time off for surgery and when to return to work.

I know for me, I didn't really get serious about exploring surgery until my obesity had an even more negative impact on my professional life than usual.

One thing I am learning throughout this process is the importance of balance.

Although addressed to academics, I find this relevant to just about everyone.

https://www.insidehighered.com/advice/2016/05/11/how-avoid-overinvestment-your-job-essay?utm_source=Inside+Higher+Ed&utm_campaign=bc70753926-DNU20160511&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_1fcbc04421-bc70753926-198485901

What do you think?

While my weight gain has affected my health some, and my family life more (mostly through extreme laziness), I definitely agree that my weight is negatively impacting my work as well.

As far as time off, I have the kind of job that it's almost not even worth taking a few days off because you walk back in to all sorts of issues and problems... So taking time off to heal 3/4 weeks is scary in my case, but I don't want to rush back either after the surgery and risk a problem from, for example, lifting something heavy because I forgot I couldn't yet - for that split second... Ahhhhhhh!

To me, the person (real or fictional?) who wrote to "Kerry Ann's agony column" sounds very depressed. But did that depression contribute to his/her obsession with work and aversion to self-care or vice versa? Or are other factors contributing to both behavior sets? It's a puzzle to work out such causes and effects.

Either way, the advice Kerry Ann gave is good: Find and implement better balance, self-care, seek therapy, establish and maintain time boundaries and metrics, find out what matters that you're avoiding and address those things, stop trying to control things you cannot even remotely control, etc.

But how do you pivot from these old behaviors and attitudes to healthier ones?

Speaking purely for myself, the problem was that I received so many more rewards at work for putting others' needs ahead of my own and, eventually, incredibly far ahead of my own needs.

When you always meet insane deadlines and you anticipate your bosses' and clients' needs and meet those too and you decide (correctly or not) that you can carry out additional tasks better than anyone else and incorporate those tasks into your job description AND you are rewarded for all these behaviors with promotions, raises, and recognition, you're very likely going to perform like a good lab rat and keep pressing the button that gives you more cheese -- until you find yourself in physical, mental, and psychological collapse or crisis. This has happened to me three times throughout my long career.

Then later in life, my obligations to care for elderly, ailing family members became a duty I could not shrug. Those new burdens combined with work burdens made me hit bottom and forced me to admit that working harder, harder, harder was no longer effective -- for me or for others.

Committing to our own self-care is critical for long-term WLS success. When I finally put myself first I finally got healthier.

To me, the person (real or fictional?) who wrote to "Kerry Ann's agony column" sounds very depressed. But did that depression contribute to his/her obsession with work and aversion to self-care or vice versa? Or are other factors contributing to both behavior sets? It's a puzzle to work out such causes and effects.

Either way, the advice Kerry Ann gave is good: Find and implement better balance, self-care, seek therapy, establish and maintain time boundaries and metrics, find out what matters that you're avoiding and address those things, stop trying to control things you cannot even remotely control, etc.

But how do you pivot from these old behaviors and attitudes to healthier ones?

Speaking purely for myself, the problem was that I received so many more rewards at work for putting others' needs ahead of my own and, eventually, incredibly far ahead of my own needs.

When you always meet insane deadlines and you anticipate your bosses' and clients' needs and meet those too and you decide (correctly or not) that you can carry out additional tasks better than anyone else and incorporate those tasks into your job description AND you are rewarded for all these behaviors with promotions, raises, and recognition, you're very likely going to perform like a good lab rat and keep pressing the button that gives you more cheese -- until you find yourself in physical, mental, and psychological collapse or crisis. This has happened to me three times throughout my long career.

Then later in life, my obligations to care for elderly, ailing family members became a duty I could not shrug. Those new burdens combined with work burdens made me hit bottom and forced me to admit that working harder, harder, harder was no longer effective -- for me or for others.

Committing to our own self-care is critical for long-term WLS success. When I finally put myself first I finally got healthier.

Yes, yes, and yes.

And when we figure this out as a society/culture, then who knows what people will actually be able to accomplish?

I was WAAAYYY too invested in my past role. I lived that job, brought it home with me, sacrificed a LOT of family time for it, worried all the time about tasks that were waiting to be completed or that were unfinished on one of my many piles...

I truly wish that immediately after my surgery I would have left the job. permanently. I chose to stay, and because it was so insanely busy, my daily exercise time got pushed aside relatively quickly and the stress overtook me and my weight loss almost stalled completely.

I had opportunities at many nice daytime positions which I turned down and when i finally chose to leave, went to a night position which I really like, but overeating during the night has caused a few pounds of gain and now I'm fighting that.

it will turn around soon when i go back to daytime,and i'll be back on track.