Today my husband of 16 years told me he is leaving me for his coworker who he started having an affair with when I had my surgery. We have two kids together. It comes as a total suprise. The last two weeks have been weird but I thought it was just stress from my school load and his over time.

Well apparently I lost five pounds today in tears and heart ache.

I know I am stranger, but I had to put it somewhere.

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I am so sorry to hear you're going through this. I really don't like that he's saying you played a part in this. Without knowing all the specifics, I think that sounds really unfair. You don't deserve to be blamed for him hurting you! And this is super effed up timing on his part. It is vitally important that you concentrate on yourself and your health right now. So please take good care of yourself and consider getting your own therapist outside of the marriage counseling. I think it would be great to have someone concerned solely with your wellbeing.

So many aspects to this. And I DON'T know you or your psychological makeup or challenges or your situation.

However, my immediate thought was: Don't self-medicate your feelings in this situation -- with meds or other drugs or food.

As the kids say, this is the time to feel your feels. All of them. This is not the time to go numb. Chances are (?) this is the first time in a long time you've not pushed some of those important emotions down and numbed yourself up.

It's look-at-real-s**t time.

Very, very best to you and your family!

Thanks guys. He called today to set up our first couples counciling session (2 weeks), he also set up his individual counciling as I did mine.

I should clarify that he isn't trying to say his actions are my fault, but he still think his emotional state was my fault. Which is call BS, because it wasn't so bad I saw abything. He was playing happy at home. It's complicated.

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Just know we are a caring group and support each other.

I say yes on the counseling and yes on the drugs. You truly need to sleep or you will have serious mental (and health)

Issues. There are things that can settle your mind and body while you take a chance to regroup yourself.

Please stay as healthy as you can[emoji171]

I called about sleep meds and asked about something for the anxiety not to numb the feelings but because my stomach is doing the stress which is making eating food impossible. I have been living on not enough Protein, not enough calories and can barely keep down yogurt. She gave me some stuff that she hopes will help. I tried to go to the gym today to take my mind off but didn't last long, no sleep and no food make for a weak workout.

It's a process. I'll be fine most of the day then melt down... I truly hope things work out but still preparing incase it doesn't we both have a long way and a lot to deal with.

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@@csawesome Stay strong and get some rest! Worrying will not change the future. My sister went through something very similar (minus the WLS) a few years back with her husband of 20 years (now ex-husband) with 2 children (teenagers). It was very difficult but once she got past all of the hurt and impact on the family - she is in a great place emotionally and mentally!

csawesome, I use a supplement called GABA to help with sleep. It is a natural hormone made by the brain. It is a "feel good" supplement and helps to quiet the mind so you can sleep. I use 750 mgs right before bed and I sleep through the night. It has really helped me to have good restful sleep for the past 2 years. You can get this supplement typically anywhere, but I get mine online through Amazon.

I hope everything works out for you. This is added stress you really didn't need at this time in your life. Concentrate on you and the kids first, and let your husband know he is important and so is your relationship, but you need to be sure that your children and yourself are priority.

I am sorry.

So very, very sorry.

I hate to say this, but it there is likely far, far more going on than the 'past few weeks' and has NOTHING to do with weight gain nor loss and I hate to say it, but he will be back and/or keep you on a rotten carrot string as a back-up.

I used to be afraid that my ex would leave me, then when I talked to the "other one", I was told.."No, you should be afraid that they do NOT leave". My son would have the rest of his childhood sucked away by this person..

IDK your situation at all, but as I just got out of a relationship with a narcissistic or some kinda Cluster B personality disordered person, your story is a red flag to me, so I will encourage you (or anyone in a relationship that makes no sense) to go to the Facebook page or Webpage called; "Let Me Reach" by Kim Saeed. Her site has magical articles that explain what I suspect was going on for a while, mainly her focus is narcissism in relationships. Note: Not all narc people have "all" the traits, but it is a great place for support and information.

Good luck.

Thanks guys. He called today to set up our first couples counciling session (2 weeks), he also set up his individual counciling as I did mine.

I should clarify that he isn't trying to say his actions are my fault, but he still think his emotional state was my fault. Which is call BS, because it wasn't so bad I saw abything. He was playing happy at home. It's complicated.

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Way not to take his BS and transfer of responsibility. He does need to own this if there is any chance for healing. He needs to rebuild the trust he destroyed. That is a long row to hoe. I hope he's not trying to buy his way back in. You might want to check out this site: https://www.gottman.com/ I think Dr. Gottman has some of the best materials for helping to communicate better and building trust.

I am so sorry. Big virtual hug!!!

I am also going through a divorce. Please feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk to.

When I moved out I lost 10 lbs in a week

Sorry I haven't posted back. Well you guys were right it had been going on for months, the sex part didn't start until the last month.

Everyday I think I can move on, something else comes down.

Luckily I have the best support group of friends a person could ever ask for. Am still working on Protein and calories but keep working it.

Sometimes I clearly see the path forward other times I just get through the day. I never thought a person could cause this much pain. Let alone my husband. But I cross my fingers that things will work, and in the mean time I prepare for when they dont.

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@@csawesome - I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I have sort of been there ((no kids). GET THEE TO A LAWYER TO PROTECT YOU AND THE KIDS. I can't state how important this is. Find out what your rights are in the event it all goes to hell in a handbasket. The fact that he was the one who had the affair affects things legallay in divorce in most states. (Not offering legal advice for CO where I am not licensed. - but do talk to someone.) That being said, spend some time with your therapist determining what you want. Take care of you and the kids first. He's a grown ass man who can take care of himself.

That being said, the easiest 180 pounds I ever lost was when I divorced husband 1 in 1993. It was the best thing that ever happened to me because it put me in the place were I met the wonderful man who is now my husband and the amazing father to our 2 kids. Try to be open to whatever the universe (or God - depending on your beliefs) is telling you.

I never thought a person could cause this much pain. Let alone my husband.

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No one can hurt us as much as those we are closest to. Hang in there sweetie. We're here for you as much as we can be.

You will get the last laugh!

Good luck on your journey ♡

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