Today my husband of 16 years told me he is leaving me for his coworker who he started having an affair with when I had my surgery. We have two kids together. It comes as a total suprise. The last two weeks have been weird but I thought it was just stress from my school load and his over time.

Well apparently I lost five pounds today in tears and heart ache.

I know I am stranger, but I had to put it somewhere.

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And @@gowalking -- I'm also sorry you're going through a break-up as well. Just means someone better for you will now appear, when you're ready. In the meantime take good care of yourself.

Thanks Ann. I appreciate your kind words.

It's a fog here. I get sick after a few bites of anything. I know it's all stress and emotions.

I just never thought it could be me.

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I'm so sorry. Sending you hugs my dear.

I can't comment on your marriage and his horrid actions- I've never been through it. However, reading all of these posts, wait a couple days to wallow- and I firmly agree you have every right to!- but RIGHT NOW do what some of the others mentioned- take every legal action you can to protect yourself! He is assuming you won't due to devastation and just having surgery. Think- " I am woman, hear me ROAR" at this moment. It will surprise the F*** out of him! Get mad right now!!! Fight for what is yours, including your dignity!!!! Time for crying comes when you've done that- and then we will all send you boxes and boxes of tissue![emoji4][emoji173]️

Sorry your going through this csawesome

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@@csawesome Thinking about you today - hope your emotional state is better!

I am so sorry that this is happening to you and I suggest taking advise from some of the people who posted above me. Just keep your head up. I didn't go through the same situation, however left my boyfriend of over 5 years after surgery because he was insecure and wasn't happy that I was losing weight and changing my life, when he wouldn't take care of himself. I dropped the weight ( mine and his butt) and haven't been happier. Its going to be hard for a while, but you need to do what is best for you and your kids. Stay strong and we are here for you cheering in your corner

@@csawesome

Hugs and best wishes to you.

So sorry to hear about your situation.

There are some great posts here and advice.

Yes, appetite goes down due to stress. It is tough enough without WLS, and so please look after yourself, hydrate and try to have your Proteins and Vitamins.

10 years ago I had a de-facto divorce, and it was a very stressful time for me. I had to get a lawyer, the legal/financial aspects dragged on for 9 months, and I had to get counselling. Lost lot of weight.

Take care of yourself, get plenty of support, look after your thyroid, and one day it will be over.

Hugs,

Margo

Whew.... so much to say. I have been where you are...almost exactly where you are. It was 1997 when my husband had his first affair (or first one I knew about) with a co-worker. We had 5 kids, and he knew a divorce would bury him financially. He wanted an open marriage. I told him he was nuts. I went to see an attorney, who after outlining the divorce process, and probable settlement amounts, told me to stay calm and wait... this is a midlife crisis. So, I stayed. The affair ended,he apologized profusely and things were good between us until... 2004. It happened again. This time I moved out of the bedroom, and eventually, took the kids and left. They were older now, knew what was going on "Daddy didn't come home last night, mom." and I couldn't let them see me tolerate it.

Your whole world has been rocked. You feel dazed. The future you envisioned is shattered. I remember all those feelings.

But, like other posters have said, you have to get yourself and your kids through this as best as you can. Time is healing, push forward, and know that you will come out of this stronger, wiser....and with a rocking body!

You and your children deserve so much better. Obviously the man you married and had children with cares more about his own needs over those that he supposedly loves. You have made a change for the better in your life, and you chose to be healthier and live longer for your children. Your husband chose to have his ego inflated. What an a**.

We are all here for you always. Keep your head held high and do what the others have suggested you do now in order to take care of yourself and your children.

Keep us updated as to any moral support you need. Hugs.

Well it's been a whirlwind week. So day two he was already starting to question his plan, he really had this totally dillusional idea about how it would be better for all of us and somehow failed to put any reality into it.

By day three he broke up with her . By day 4 he agreed to marriage counciling.

He is still living out of his office in my basement. We are still fairly seperate except for dinner with the kids. It's a lot of mixed emotions. I get frustrated that he isn't processing things. He still believes I played a part in this. Sorta. I am not sure how he feels about her. I wish he was in the making up for all the pain, hurt and lies phase. He isn't yet, but it's only been a few days.

Somedays I wake up and just wanna pretend like nothing ever happened. Other days I can't get it out of my head. It's gonna be a long road.

I still can't seem to eat. I can get a little Protein shakes (about 1/2 shake at a time), maybe one or two. I was able to keep down most of Greek yogurt yesterday. It's been such a nightmare. Last night was the first night I slept more than an hour or two. This week is try to get back to some normalcy, try getting protein in even if it can only be shakes now. Get back to taking medicine and Vitamins. I don't really wanna try the gym again until I can get more than 200 calories in. I am gonna call my PCP and see if she will order me some sleep meds and maybe some anxiety stuff...I dunno.

For all of you, and all of the messages thank you. It's gonna be rough, I am so glad to have any support.

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Edited May 16, 201610 yr by csawesome

Stay strong!!! Remember to take care of yourself!

I mentioned therapy down the road if needed but now that he's sorta back, you absolutely need to be in therapy/marriage counselling immediately. You are in a very vulnerable position and need to be on top of things while dealing with him and what he's putting you through. It's very hard while you are so emotional and raw and you need someone who can mediate while you are going through this. Good luck and take care of yourself.

@@csawesome

It takes a bit for them to reach the contrite phase. He is still justifying everything he did in his mind. At some point he will realize there is no good excuse for breaking your trust.

Hang in there. Some relationships recover from this even stronger. You will know if yours can survive. In the meantime, get as prepared for the alternative as you can.

@@csawesome - As I said earlier he may come back....I let mine back in with a promise of counseling...never happened.

I regretted letting my heart down:(

By the second or third week of him being back home I was screaming internally for him to leave. The trust was gone and he was questioning why I didn't want to be intimate????? WTF????? We had been separated while he was with his GF for about 3 months.

It took a drunken night with his "buddies" and him threatening me to kill my cousin 2 days before Christmas for me to call it quits. We had been together for over 11 years and married for 8. I spent Christmas at a womens shelter with my kids. I told him I would not come home until he left, for good.

I would tell him to move out until you COMPLETE counseling. If he is serious about working on the marriage he will do whatever it takes, you know, commit.

Like he did to YOU when you got married.....did he forget that?

What message are you sending to your kids?

Do what is best for you.

(((hugs))) Never ever a good time to go thru this!! My heart goes out to you and the kids!! Looks like you've lost alot more weight today than you thought!! As hard as this is right now...focus on your wt loss journey and those kids!! He'll be sooo sorry when you've got that hot body and a better man!!

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