I keep hearing about that "act like a lady, think like a man" book. Reading the reviews it doesn't really sound like my world view (the tired saw that all men are dogs). Hell, at my age I am pretty stoked to find a guy who matches my libido...but I digress. since what I have been doing is no longer working for me, I am gonna change things up even if I have some doubts about the underlying premise.

The big mistake I make over and over is narrowing to one person too quickly, I lose interest in meeting anyone else. This has resulted in a few relationships over the last few years, none of them lasting more than 3-4 months and i am tired of it. (Not entirely true, had a pretty long relationship with someone who was supposed to be a more casual thing - weird, huh?)

I realize this is starting to impact my feminine self esteem even though I have been just as likely to end things...more like I just am tired of getting to know someone, they impact my life and then are just gone. I don't take losses well, even unimportant ones like breaking up with someone I wasn't in love with.

This wasn't my experience when I was young so I guess I am finally taking seriously the advice EVERYONE has given me and when I am ready to "try again" to avoid this pattern. What the heck, nothing to lose - I am going to do the thing where you see several people and wait for months before exclusively dating any one person. Is this what people call serial dating - a term that makes no sense to me bit I have seen in guys profiles "no serial daters". Me, I am just trying to avoid serial killers, I have very reasonable standards.

Here is the thing I keep wondering about people who date 3-5 people (the members of the pool most likely change quite a bit until you find a serious prospect ) - how on earth do you have time? I mean I figure you need to see a person at least 3x a month so they remember you, right? That is alot of dates.

Do you move toward going "dutch" in this situation? Men always pay for dates in my experience unless I specifically am treating them, but I would often cook or do things like that. I guess I am wondering what people think is typical.

I am just trying to figure out how to actually do this thing I said I am going to do. Hope the book comes with an instruction sheet.

I predict that I will start going to meetups, fire up an online profile etc in March. so far, getting dates has been no problem, but finding love has been quite elusive. ....

I have another change I need to make but I am not yet sure how. I need to learn how to flirt better. I mean with complete strangers - I have this terrible habit of avoiding eye contact or smiling at someone I find attractive - I think i send out "don't come near me" signals sometimes. I am not a shy person so it is quite specific to men I find interesting, you know at the store or out at a dance or something ...maybe remnants of my history of feeling bad about my looks???

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I'd "like" to get married for the last time. However, being 51 with grown kids, and retired, puts me in a very weird category. I get guys over 60yo saying they are 40-something, 50-somethings with pre-teen children or the other 50-somethings that want 30yo's. Never mind the 40-somethings who haven't a clue. I'm active, reasonably attractive, love life and like to travel, why can't I find men that who take the time to make sure their profile shots don't resemble mugshots???

I deleted my Match profile. Still playing around with POF, and a friend site, and eHarmony netted me a big fat -0- and was a waste of money. My gf joined OurTime for the over 50-sect...thoughts?

@@rileysmom - I have had a dating profile since 2011 that I only revisited this year.

Same age, grown kids but still working. My gfriend and I joke that we are big hits in the 65plus crowd....but we'd both prefer men close to our age. Here is the reality - 50 yo man with a comparable income, fitness and attractiveness who doesn't have kids at home has his pick of 35 year old women. I am actually ok compromising on the age issue as long as he is fit and relatively healthy but reality of it is I am quite active and energetic - most 65 year olds don't keep up with me. I'd rather stay single then take on young children or pushing a wheelchair.

Paradoxically based on the contacts I have received plenty of WAY younger men would love to "date" me. I'll pass on that too. Nobody under 40 should ever see me nekkid except for my handsome young doctor.

I'd "like" to get married for the last time. However, being 51 with grown kids, and retired, puts me in a very weird category. I get guys over 60yo saying they are 40-something, 50-somethings with pre-teen children or the other 50-somethings that want 30yo's. Never mind the 40-somethings who haven't a clue. I'm active, reasonably attractive, love life and like to travel, why can't I find men that who take the time to make sure their profile shots don't resemble mugshots???

I deleted my Match profile. Still playing around with POF, and a friend site, and eHarmony netted me a big fat -0- and was a waste of money. My gf joined OurTime for the over 50-sect...thoughts?

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I'm 49 and dating a 50 year old. He is interested in marriage, but I want to live together first. I just can't jump into the deep end at this age; I need to walk down the steps on the shallow end to get into the pool. But I am definitely looking forward to sharing a household- as soon as I'm ready to [emoji4]

Same age, grown kids but still working. My gfriend and I joke that we are big hits in the 65plus crowd....but we'd both prefer men close to our age. Here is the reality - 50 yo man with a comparable income, fitness and attractiveness who doesn't have kids at home has his pick of 35 year old women. I am actually ok compromising on the age issue as long as he is fit and relatively healthy but reality of it is I am quite active and energetic - most 65 year olds don't keep up with me. I'd rather stay single then take on young children or pushing a wheelchair.

Paradoxically based on the contacts I have received plenty of WAY younger men would love to "date" me. I'll pass on that too. Nobody under 40 should ever see me nekkid except for my handsome young doctor.

You think? Wow, 35 year old women with young kids? ;-( Joy of joys. No thanks, I'd rather stick with my healthy 52 year old girl friend who's smart, emotionally intelligent, spiritually together and gainfully employed. Plus she is just a great person and we have tons of fun together (and she can cook, and we cook well together).

Any guy that shallow needs to get out of the gene pool and is not worth your time.

Now as to the 60+ crowd...a female friend told me about her encounter with a 60+ guy who was a former collegiate wrestler who now is Vinyasa Yoga and she enjoyed a four hour romp of pure sexual bliss. (Yep, that's what got me into doing yoga).

@@OKCPirate ha. There are exceptions don't get me wrong but for me a 15 plus year age difference is just too much.

@@OKCPirate ha. There are exceptions don't get me wrong but for me a 15 plus year age difference is just too much.

Youngen, just you wait

There are far too many guys in their 40s and 50s with small children. I like to date older but older men are kind of a bust. I want someone with freedom that can travel. I do not want children and a lot of guys my age do. I do not look late 30s, so lots of men in their mid 20s approach me. I never thought I would entertain them, but it looks like I'm headed to Cougar town. :-(

but it looks like I'm headed to Cougar town. :-(

You don't hit cougar territory until you are way into your 40's and you start pursuing younger guys.

It's only a bad thing if you start experiencing negative/empty emotions. Good relationships can happen with any age difference. It's just a number

@okpirate @@CowgirlJane You two slay me!!!! I dated a guy who was 10 years older and was a blast. He had the stamina for EVERYTHING! Too bad he was not in his "right" place for the relationship. @@OutsideMatchInside I dated a guy who was in his early 20's when I was in my late 30's. Have no idea what I was thinking. My parents would ask what I was packing for HIS school lunch when. I was making my kids lunches. Lol.

I just don't know. I've been out of the dating game for over five years. I buried my head in getting my undergrad degree and grandchildren. I'm starting grad school in June. I'd like to get some dating fun in before the crazy summer begins. Right now it just seems like sooooo much work.

It is basically like have a 2nd job that costs you money instead of earning it. It is a huge time sink, I keep thinking in the time I waste on dating I could start another company.

@@FinallyFit50s I have met some guys in their late 20s that have good careers, Masters degrees, have disposable income and are willing to travel. All I want is an intelligent companion. A lot of the men I encounter in their 40s and 50s are going through mid life crisis and they have the maturity level of 18 year olds. I think they are attracted to me because I look more like 30 than my actual age.

Welcome to my dating pool world... I know there are good ones out there in the 50ish range, but there are alot of irresponsible, promiscious, have unclear (or maybe they are lying) relationship goals, and just plain unappealing ones too. I have met the players who say "monagamy is irrelevant at this age", I have met the manipulators, but mostly I have met the uninteresting.... i have also met the ones who are using online dating for some other purpose - ego validation, because their counselor told them to "get out there" and perhaps just entertainment too.

I know there are good ones, because i have some friends who are awesome. It is a numbers game

I am not as negative as I sound, but it is a huge time sink and I just keep wishing people wouldn't waste my time if we don't have common goals, values etc. I have developed a theory that most aren't intentionally lying, they just dont know themselves.

However, i have been on lots of very fun dates, found new restaurants, heard interesting travel and life stories and made a couple of long term friends. It is not all bad ... and hasn't cost me money, but lots of wasted time...

So, I have started testing the waters and used a different tactic. I specifically announce my age range as 40-60 and the vast majority of responses are late 30s to mid 40s.... and I am very surprised. I pretty much assume no one under say 45 would be interested. Of course, right now this is just tons of emails, so not sure if my new tactic will pay off... stay tuned.

It is basically like have a 2nd job that costs you money instead of earning it. It is a huge time sink, I keep thinking in the time I waste on dating I could start another company.

@@FinallyFit50s I have met some guys in their late 20s that have good careers, Masters degrees, have disposable income and are willing to travel. All I want is an intelligent companion. A lot of the men I encounter in their 40s and 50s are going through mid life crisis and they have the maturity level of 18 year olds. I think they are attracted to me because I look more like 30 than my actual age.

Yeah I basically thought I could cheat and weed out a lot of drama by dating older, which has always been my preference anyway. Dating guys in their 30s and 40s when you are in your 20s is a lot different than dating guys in their 40s and 50s when you are in your 30s. I'm old enough to see through the BS very quickly. Also in the past when I dated older men, they were men I through business connections, so they had to act with some decorum. Now with internet dating, you encounter a bunch of savages.

Yes, they are online, validating their existance. Trying to see how many women they can pull and what quality they are. A lot are married, bored and have no intentions of divorcing or dating seriously. they want pen pals or just sex. Mainly it seems like a lot of men view online dating as an easy and free way to get sex. LOL Keep dreaming.

I am finding younger men don't care about your age as long as you look good. As one told me, "No one would guess your age by looking at you, you look good". Also there is some appeal to dating an older woman that might not be looking for marriage and babies. I definitely am not interested in either, and that takes a lot of pressure off for some guys.

It is a hard knock life out here in the dating world. Still when I read most peoples posts about being married, I am very happy to be single.

Welcome to my dating pool world... I know there are good ones out there in the 50ish range, but there are alot of irresponsible, promiscious, have unclear (or maybe they are lying) relationship goals, and just plain unappealing ones too. I have met the players who say "monagamy is irrelevant at this age", I have met the manipulators, but mostly I have met the uninteresting.... i have also met the ones who are using online dating for some other purpose - ego validation, because their counselor told them to "get out there" and perhaps just entertainment too.

I know there are good ones, because i have some friends who are awesome. It is a numbers game

I am not as negative as I sound, but it is a huge time sink and I just keep wishing people wouldn't waste my time if we don't have common goals, values etc. I have developed a theory that most aren't intentionally lying, they just dont know themselves.

However, i have been on lots of very fun dates, found new restaurants, heard interesting travel and life stories and made a couple of long term friends. It is not all bad ... and hasn't cost me money, but lots of wasted time...

So, I have started testing the waters and used a different tactic. I specifically announce my age range as 40-60 and the vast majority of responses are late 30s to mid 40s.... and I am very surprised. I pretty much assume no one under say 45 would be interested. Of course, right now this is just tons of emails, so not sure if my new tactic will pay off... stay tuned.

I read that book and found it to be mostly stupid. I am interested in reading some of the other books mentioned here.

I made an appt yesterday with my therapist. Last time I was there we forgot to set the next appt but yesterday was really bad with my friend dying.

If I were willing to do a lot of driving, I could date more. I live in the middle of nowhere, and most of the men are 80-200 miles away. I am talking to a cool guy in Portland, but I only go there once a month to see my kids.

I think I'll make my life interesting and open up my POF profile. Can someone tell me how to take a good selfie? I've never taken one that looked decent. I need some good pictures but friends that are good with cameras are very discouraging about online dating. I had a face lift so I don't look my age, but for some reason, I take really bad pictures. Some people say tilt your chin down, some say look up, etc. Help!

@@Oregondaisy, i took this one a few weeks ago. Not great, but okay and I think it looks like me.

I think a nice smile goes a long way - especially since I am a smiley kind of person it is representative of what I look like. I think the camera fairly level with your face, perhaps slightly above is ideal. You can google for tips and tricks, I am not an instagram queen, so hardly the expert on this! Also, do your friends need to know what it is for? Or maybe you grin and bear it? I have a shortage of full body shots because most of them involve horses and helmet hair and I keep forgetting to ask a pal to photo me when I am actually dressed up...or at least clean!

Have you considered moving closer to where the lifestyle more suits your interests? you'd be closer to your family,have a better social life, better chance at meeting a like minded man...

My gfriend and I kinda joke that we aren't attracted to the typical Seattle guy, but i am not sure I am willing to move to.... where? Austin? We have alot of techies, nerds, gamers and the like. Have to drive over the mountians to find any cowboys, but that isnt exactly my cup of tea either. ha... some people are just so picky aren't we?