Family Hurts

[meganmom 169]

Thank you all for your responses.This is very hard. I have tried sitting down and talking to her. She only hears what she wants to. At one time we were incredibly close but now it is so different. She really has changed so much in the last 6 months. My sister is overweight so maybe jealousy has something to do with it. I don't know. I love her but it just hurts. Thank you all for the advice. I am going to take some time and think about what I say before I do anything.

[MrsKarenC2008 622]

@meganmom now that you say she's over weight ... it's a bit clearer to me ...

in 2011 my sister had bypass ... I was jealous and I was hurt ... and I was selfish ... I wanted surgery so bad for myself and couldn't afford it at the time ... I took whatever jab I could at her ...

it TOTALLY wasn't fair for me to act that way ... the surgery was about HER ... and her getting healthier and her getting to live longer and be able to function as a mom to 5 boys ... I completely overlooked all the GOOD reasons she was doing it ... and saw it as a "ha ha I'm having surgery and you're not" ....

We didn't speak for about a year because of MY actions ... not hers ...

But then in 2015 when it was my turn .... she never treated me like I treated her ... she was the better sister...

Your sister will come around ... and realize what you're doing you're doing for YOU ...

NOT as a dig to her ...

[Amelie2016 116]

Dear Megan,

I can not think of anything more hurtful and actually more ignorant, than what your sister said to you.

Many people do not suffer when dieting, or even ever gain weight from the Corporate Feed we're given. They don't always eat organic and still they don't gain weight. Any scientist will tell you that some people are born "survivors" metabolically. We are the kind of people who would live throughout a barren winter or summer because we held onto and made fat stores better than our stick thin human counterparts.

Modern day, we lose out because we are efficient in holding onto the supply ... and especially in America, the food is laden with so many chemicals that cause you to crave and retain and have sugar/insulin reactions that destroy a perfectly healthy body in due time.

I'm sorry Megan. But your sister is a rube.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Amelie2016

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

Some of these replies are a little harsh. We are talking about your sister not a coworker or member of your congregation.

She never said you took the easy way out or she would blabber all over town about your WLS procedure; only that she wasn't going to lie to anyone.

Have a heart to heart talk in private with your sister explaining why you would like this kept a secret and you respect that if in the small chance that someone asks her directly about you having WLS that if she can not lie, she can tell the truth that you are working very hard to lose weight on a medically supervised diet and you are doing a fantastic job at it. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Steph Anie 72]

The thing is...you do have to eat healthy, workout, etc.....this is not the easy way out....it is still a lot of work to maintain this lifestyle. I have worked my a** off for every pound I have lost in the last 6 months...I don't see why everyone thinks this is the easy way to do it, b/c it certainly is not.

[Islagirl#1 31]

Maybe ask her to just say you have lost weight by eating less. That's the truth

[msjg46 39]

_{I told one of my GF's and I have not shared with most of my family. As my brother told me the surgery would only help for a few months and I would gain it all back. He is not tiny tim btw!}

_{My GF said the other day that I enjoyed the mystery and everyone will know soon anyway.}

_{I also diet non-stop - I don't think I "enjoy the mystery" but her statement really hurt me.... Sorry I told her at all!}

_{I feel very alone in this process but I guess I will survive right?}

[meganmom 169]

_{I told one of my GF's and I have not shared with most of my family. As my brother told me the surgery would only help for a few months and I would gain it all back. He is not tiny tim btw!}

_{My GF said the other day that I enjoyed the mystery and everyone will know soon anyway.}

_{I also diet non-stop - I don't think I "enjoy the mystery" but her statement really hurt me.... Sorry I told her at all!}

_{I feel very alone in this process but I guess I will survive right?}

I am sorry your friend said that to you. Some people just don't understand.

[Pescador 1,374]

Your sister has already told imo. No one's business but yours and that is not lying when you tell no one.

[Islagirl#1 31]

The part that gets me most is that society judges people so harshly for being overweight, yet many of those same people also do the same when they hear about a person having surgery. We have to stick together - this forum is a great place to get the support you need and deserve. Your sister sounds like she's maybe jealous of the new you

[Margie122 845]

I agree with Loopylulu...it sounds to me like you should be prepared for your mutual friends to know. I would bet from the conversations that you have already had with your sister that she's told people.

Here is my story - Like you I wanted to keep my surgery a secret. At first, I only told a few VERY close friends and my immediate family. One of those friends told a lot of other people about my surgery. At first, I was hurt. But then I realized the reason she told other people was because she was so happy for me and genuinely excited about my weight loss journey. Was what she did right? No. She should not have told them. I do have to say though that once I realized so many people knew, that it was a relief for me. Now when people ask me about my weight loss (I've lost almost 100 lbs so people notice) I find myself surprised at how open I am with them about it. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Now I don't think your sister is coming from the same place as my friend. To me it sounds like she is jealous of you, which is not a good thing for either of you. If you continue to have those conversations with your sister you run the risk of more heartache for yourself and more arguments. I would accept the fact that she is going to blab and deal with it now.

[heidikat72 935]

What I'm struggling with in your situation is the idea that your sister feels not mentioning the surgery to others if they ask her how you are losing weight weight is lying. She seems to be trying to take some sort of moral high ground claim of not wanting to lie FOR you and yet she had no issue apparently with lying TO you when she promised to keep your secret. I don't understand why she can't just direct those people to ask you for the details of how you are losing weight? But yes, my guess is that she already blabbed to a bunch of people before she texted you and is trying to justify breaking her promise.

[Islagirl#1 31]

My best friend was the first person I told. She is overweight, too, and that's been a big bond we have shared. She has been so incredibly supportive and honest with me. She cried and told me she was facing her own fears of me being thin and her being the fat friend. My hope is that my heavy friends will see that they have options and that I can be a resource for them. I'm only a week out so I have no idea where this journey will take me, but I'm excited

[agreen67 47]

@@msjg46

I am sorry your friend said that and I can relate. When I was going through the pre-op process over the summer, I only told several family members and close friends. One friend told me that surgery was the easy way out and that I lost 40 pounds on that "one diet" I was on several years ago, so why don't I just go back on that diet. Needless to say, we are no longer close friends. I am losing an average of 2-3 pounds per week, so it's not obvious or too drastic for anyone to notice. When asked, I tell people I eat better and I'm exercising more (which is the truth).

Edited February 4, 2016 by agreen67

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If she doesn't feel she can lie, she doesn't feel she can lie. She may have ulterior motives for that position, but she evidently feels that keeping a secret is the same as lying.

I'd talk to her in person (this just isn't a text-friendly thing). I'd tell her how badly her threatening not to keep her promise hurt you. And I'd really explore with her why seems to feel that you don't deserve proper credit for your hard work and success. Show her your food and exercise logs. Tell her how hard you've worked for those 50 lbs. Tell her whether she agrees with your decision or not, you deserve her respect for the effort you're putting in.

If people DO ask her how you're losing the weight, she can always say "why don't you ask her?". That isn't a lie, that's acknowledging that it isn't her story to tell - and it isn't.

That is exactly right! She needs to tell them to ask you!!