Frustrated with People

[Long2BFree 12]

I started a new job 3 months ago and work in an office with military and civilians. There are 6 of us in the office with management having their own office and the other 4 of us have cubicles in one large office My boss frequently brings in sweets from home and sits them on the desk on the other side of the room where the skinny military guys sit. Meanwhile, myself and another military guy (who struggles with his weight) sit on the other side of the room. Never has the boss offered us any of the stuff when he brings it in. I would not eat any of it if offered because I'm self conscious but I just think it's rude and quite frankly it hurts my feelings to be excluded.

I also saw the nutritionist earlier this week and she asked me why I don't just stop eating? Because I'm hungry. I wanted to ask her if she thought I liked being fat and discriminated against. My mom also says the same stuff. I finally realized that I've been passed over for promotions because of my weight. I've always accepted people for who they are and not what they look like or who they know. It just sucks to be treated a certain way.

Sorry for the pity party, it's been a long, tiring week.

[James Marusek 5,244]

So you had your lapland removed almost a month ago. Did you have a revision? Were there complications with the band? How can we help you?

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@Long2BFree, you may be feeling extra-sensitive around the edges now that your band was removed. The unsupportive tone you detect from nutritionist and your mother wouldn't help either. I certainly don't know the placement of furniture in your office, but, if there's no table equidistant from all staff, someone will be closer to the treats. It can happen, bit it's hard to imagine someone in a supervisory position intending to leave some people out. Is this something to consider?

[Long2BFree 12]

I had complications with my band after having it 7 years and had to get it removed. The surgery to remove it was difficult due to lots of scar tissue. I've gained 40 of the 100# I lost and I'm at 260 now. I'm working towards getting a revision...taking the steps to check all the boxes.

When I bring goodies in I make sure I let each individual know they are for everyone. When the supervisor brings the stuff in he sets them on one person's desk and says I brought this for you and so and so, meaning the 2 people who sit together.

I'll get over it, I've just been feeling the need to externalize.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@Long2BFree, gotcha. Your supervisor does seem to lack in simple social graces. The good news is that he has to go through life being himself. I sympathize with your band fate, as I suspect I'm in a similar boat. I'll be finding out soon. (I understand that scar tissue usually is present.) With all the wonderful things we can feel slighted, angry, ignored, irritated or hurt over, we need to pick the ones that matter. I'm glad you chose to vent so that you can get past recent events.

Edited January 16, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Long2BFree 12]

Apparently my band was encased in scar tissue from being too tight but also 4 additional abdominal surgeries. The doctor was expecting to remove it with 3 incisions but I ended up with 8.

I hope your outcome goes well.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

I had the lapband the fused to my organs...I revised to the bypass.Are you getting bypass or sleeve?You need to stop worrying about nonsense and get a grip on your health.Bypass,DS, or Sleeve?

[Long2BFree 12]

My organs were stuck together too. I'm getting a revision to GB.

[esskay77 785]

The boss is a moron. They exist in spades at every company. You only see one because there are so few of you in the office!! lol. Trust me! It is rude but you can either speak up about it (which means they will now be tempting you with food all the time which is not good) or you can just ignore it and be glad that you don't have that temptation. I know that the food isn't the real issue, it's how you're being treated but you can only change yourself. As someone once said "stay on your own yoga mat".

The nut on the other hand---GGGRRRRRR. This is why I think so many of them are useless!! It is not easy and we can not just "stop eating". So, what to do? I assume you only have access to that one nut in the doctors office? That's how it is at my doctors office anyway. There are a few options.

-- ignore them and don't go back (not sure how great of an option but...)

-- start attending support groups (which is advisable anyway)

-- deal with it

-- have an open and honest conversation, without emotion, about how that isn't helpful and that you need to work together to find a real solution that will work for you. That you need their help putting together a plan. Of course, I asked for help with a meal plan from my nut and I didn't get one. I usually just get the smirk and the "you know what to do." THat seems to be the thin they learn in school.lol

-- find another nut

And check out "theworldaccordingtoeggface.com" for lot's of good recipes and help.

I wish you the best of luck and feel bad that you have to deal with these morons but I guess they are part of life.

[Long2BFree 12]

The nut is not on my doctor's office and I wish I could go to her because she's very helpful and kind. I have to see a nut at a military facility because of my insurance. I only have to see her for 3 months...well 4 now because she didn't tell me I had to see her 3 months in a row as a qualifier for getting surgery and she originally scheduled me every 6 weeks. I have requested to pay out of pocket to see the nut in the doctor's office but am told its against the agreement with my insurance.

People are prejudice against overweight people. I'm in my early 50s and have experienced a lot of rude, mean people. I've learned to become very closed off towards people and only speak up when I feel safe.

[winklie 518]

From a military perspective I can see where your boss is coming from. Mind you I am not justifying it, just explaining it. Overweight people in the military are seen in horrible terms. Not only from the perspective of being weak, but in combat, I want the guy who is in great shape next to me, not the overweight guy who is going to slow me down. In the military weight discrimination is rampant.

I suspect your boss is military? I would think this is typical behavior for a military man. The flip side to this is, once you get the GB, and lose your excess weight, you will be seen as a shining beacon, someone who lost excess weight and is now a member of the 'club' as it were. You will be thought of as strong and disciplined, traits highly valued in the military.

Sadly until that time comes, this office behavior is likely to continue unabated.

On the flip side, Obesity is a disability, if you can prove discrimination based on your weight, you have a case. It will ruin your career, but it is an option.

Best of luck.

[esskay77 785]

But isn't it so ironic that the boss who treats overweight people horribly, is the one who keeps bringing in food for everyone? Is he trying to increase how many people he treats badly? lol

[winklie 518]

@@esskay77

Not at all, in the Military mind, you reward those who deserve it. It is sort of like reverse punishment, by rewarding those who are very fit, it is an acknowledgement of their fitness, and discipline, whereas those who are unfit are punished for not living up to the Military ideal. The Military mind is very difficult for those who never served to understand.

As I said in the above post, if any of these military folks saw active combat, they are quite likely to be extraordinarily critical of obese people. In combat, a soldier has two best friends, mother earth and the man standing next to you. You are no better off that the guy next to you. If he/she is obese or slow, or has any other defect, your chances of dying in a firefight go up exponentially. Combat is highly Fluid, fire, move, fire, move, fire, move. Someone out of shape, is going to hold you back. When you fire, you give away your location. The whole idea of fire, move, fire, is to keep your target guessing where you are and firing at where you were, not where you are now. It is very dynamic. I've seen soldiers tell the CO they would rather face a courts martial then go into combat with someone unfit. At least a courts martial you live through. Weight discrimination is a VERY serious problem in the military. It is a whole mindset. This is for active infantry types, a tanker is less likely to feel this way. However officers realize the problems that unfit soldiers will present when the time for combat comes, and are ruthless in trying to get everyone into shape. This furthers the poor attitude of fit soldiers against unfit soldiers as a CO is likely to make an entire company do PT several times a day to try and get one or two soldiers into better shape. This makes enemies of those who were already fit. It is a very complex situation. *** Again, I in no way condone this, I am simply stating what I have seen ***

[cookarue 233]

I'm living on-base and got my surgery at a military hospital. I'm around military men and women all day long. In my personal experience I've never had any discrimination based on my weight. I got weight loss surgery on base, by a military doctor, military nurses, military nutritionist, and military psychologist. Basically everyone I see outside, and inside my home, is military and I've found people to be very respectful, kind, and welcoming. I think the guy in your office is that way, not because of the military, but because he's an ass. I'm sorry you're going through it. Not every military person thinks, feels, or is trained to act that way.

[Long2BFree 12]

I understand the military mentality, I totally agree that the military should and need to be fit. I've worked on the same military installation for 30+ years and a military spouse for 31 years. I've worked many jobs where I was the only civilian (and female) and have heard the fitness, weight talks, etc that are given to the troops. My boss is former military. The nutritionist I see is a civilian.