Feeling Guilty About Not Telling My Obese Friends

[Zzzombrie 86]

Telling anyone or not is ultimately your decision, but...

You are missing out on a few things by not talking about it:

The support from friends and family who truly love and care about you, which you'll find to be very helpful during the rough Patches.

The weeding out of unsupportive "friends" who ultimately don't want or care about your health and happiness.

The bonds you would make from fellow WLS patients. I discovered I had 2 friends who were also patients both new and old when I came out on FB. I had at least 4 obese friends confide in me about considering the surgery themselves (1 of which is about to get her sleeve date).

The lack of misunderstanding once people notice rapid changes in your body. If they don't know, they may look at the lighter you with thinning hair 3 mo after surgery and think "cancer?".

The elation of sharing your progress and pictures to loved ones.

Ultimately, it is your choice to share but by doing so you may be cheating yourself, and your obese friends and colleagues, out of some great chances for positive change, emotional support, and a sense of belonging and accomplishment.

Being a WLS patient will change you so you may feel differently about sharing after surgery. Either way, undergoing this change means that it will become a new part of your identity. I suggest embracing this new version of you openly to avoid any obstacles to your own happiness.

Confide in your obese friends and stress to them your want for discretion and that you prefer to tell your own story when you feel comfortable enough to do so. And remind them from time to time. I still have to remind my boyfriend to not say anything because even though I'm out with my friends and family, it is still my business to release that info to people and no one else's.

I know that there is a social stigma behind getting surgery and those who are less informed may be less accepting of my decision and may make judgements upon me for it that I'd rather not contend with. Once I know them better and a connection has been established, I'm less worried about that happening. Even still I wait for them to compliment me about losing weight before saying anything.

Surgery isn't for everyone. I still have friends who need to lose more than I did at my starting point believe they can lose the weight without medical intervention. I'm fully supportive of their efforts.

Edited December 12, 2015 by Zzzombrie