Advice or thoughts:

Background I have a BFF that lives an hour away. My husband and I vacation with her and her husband. The guys are best friends too.

I explained to my family and friend back in January I was taking this year for me and my health and began this journey than. That would include having to use my time off this year for surgery, pre op appts, post op appts. So my husband and I really haven't had the time or money for vacation, but we have made time to do local things with family and friends. My best friend had her first grandchild thus summer and has cancelled on concert, girls weekend that she planned, and other things. When she cancels I still go and have good time.

Now to today. I have been feeling the best I have felt in a long time. Hitting gym during week and running my first 5k back in sept. Lost over 100lbs since Jan. Was feeling great this week with my new haircut and color to treat my self for my over 100lb loss.

Tonight when I get home from gym she text me that she is concerned for me because she doesn't think I am happy. She states that she is proud of my success but thinks that I am now unhappy, when she hasn't been around me in months since she has cancelled on anything we had planned.

I am floored????

She sounds like a concerned friend. Call her and tell her all the things you just posted to a bunch of strangers on the Internet. Clear up any misunderstandings between yourselves. She's your BFF, you should be able to talk to her about anything.

At first thought, I am like wtf. But then I realize that our family, our friends, our closest people are going through this change too. And everyone handles it differently. A friend of mine had bypass and her husband started stress eating and gained 25 lbs. he has since calmed down, but he was worried she would leave him. Have a chat with her and find out what is really going on. Take some time to have a day or some fun with her. That's my .02. Best of luck.

Is your BFF overweight?

What did she say when you told her you'd be getting surgery?

Is she someone who makes her health a priority?

She may be jealous of your success, or she may be over-interpreting the effort you've put into your outstanding success a negative simply because you've owned that it hasn't been easy.

You have changed, and for the better. If your BFF has reasons for wanting you to stay the same, that will inevitably make her uncomfortable. And she may not even be aware of it.

Congratulations on your loss!

My BFF of 20+ years has seen me exactly once since surgery. That was over 2 months ago. And she lives 1.9 miles down the street... My advice: It's worth clearing the air with your friend - give it your best shot before walking away from the friendship or letting her words fester in your head.

Nikki, your friend is the only one with the answer. "Hey, babe, what did you mean? Oh? Why?" You have no clue as to what she means and you never will if you don't talk.

Good advice from others to have an IRL conversation with her. She's a big presence in your / your husband's life, so deal with her and her text diplomatically and, ideally, face-to-face.

I will say, however, that it pisses ME off no end when someone with little information about what's going on with me at the moment TELLS ME HOW I FEEL.

So I can certainly relate to your reaction to that text.

I will say, however, that it pisses ME off no end when someone with little information about what's going on with me at the moment TELLS ME HOW I FEEL.

So I can certainly relate to your reaction to that text.

Agreed. That's something they can talk about, too, in a relaxed way so as not to make it an even bigger issue.

Thanks for advise. We spoke and she admits she is the one who is unhappy with her life and is envious of what I have accomplished this year. I told her I was here for her and we would plan something for upcoming clemson/carolina football game

@@nikkimapr -- Thank you for the update. I thought it might be that simple-but-not--so-cheerful and am glad you made the call.

Thanks for advise. We spoke and she admits she is the one who is unhappy with her life and is envious of what I have accomplished this year. I told her I was here for her and we would plan something for upcoming clemson/carolina football game

Methinks I see the heart of this problem........

Your friend.......she's not a Gamecock fan is she ?????? Would explain the morose outlook and feeling of impending doom on the Clemson-South Carolina game. Clemson is riding the highest of highs.......Gamecocks are downtrodden.

I'm just kidding with the sports angle.

Hopefully you'll be able to cheer your friend up. You've certainly does well and made great improvements and that's what you have to hang your hat on at the day's end. Well done !!!!!!!!

Thanks for advise. We spoke and she admits she is the one who is unhappy with her life and is envious of what I have accomplished this year. I told her I was here for her and we would plan something for upcoming clemson/carolina football game

Methinks I see the heart of this problem........

Your friend.......she's not a Gamecock fan is she ?????? Would explain the morose outlook and feeling of impending doom on the Clemson-South Carolina game. Clemson is riding the highest of highs.......Gamecocks are downtrodden.

I'm just kidding with the sports angle.

Hopefully you'll be able to cheer your friend up. You've certainly does well and made great improvements and that's what you have to hang your hat on at the day's end. Well done !!!!!!!!

yep I am the die hard tiger fan and her the gamecock fan, lol

if that was by BFF i'd just ask straight up - why would you think that? I'm feeling great! better than i have done in years! Hey how about we have a catch up next Friday for girlie coffees, we've not had chance to meet up for too long!

Sounds like jealousy and unfortunately I'm going through the same thing...and I'm only halfway to my goal. Can't imagine what it will be like when I reach goal????

There can be tons of anxiety around weight loss surgery for family and friends. If she is a real BFF and you to her, I am sure you will sort this out and she will be supportive and you with her issues. I admire the fact you faced this with her. It can't have been easy for either of you!