Why are so many White Women marrying Black Men?

green · August 6, 2007

You people are wound way too tight. It was a simple question but nobody wanted to answer with their opinion, right or wrong. It was on the 3rd page that someone actually answered the question - even though it was in a joking kind of way. Why can't everybody stop being so holier than thou?
I think more white women are marrying black men because it is becoming more socially accepted. I don't think it is completely accepted but better than say 20 or so years ago.

I am sick of race being a topic that is untouchable. Maybe some people believe that if we do not talk about race then racism will not exist? Well, that's just stupid.

You have made a very good point.

BJean · August 6, 2007

There's so much I do not know and do not understand about racism and race issues in the world today. I would love for there to be an open discussion about it here. I know there would be a lot of widsom and truth in the postings if it is like every other topic I've kept up with.

Anybody?

Kat817 · August 6, 2007

I'll bite. If there are more interracial marriages happening, it's a natural result of greater social integration and changing mindsets. Do I think there's a trend in the direction you imply? No. Do I think interracial marriage is "wonderful"? Sure, in the same way that any other happy marriage is wonderful.

This is from page 1. A response to the question ask. Possibly not what you would consider a direct response in the white women-black men only possibility---but a response from a level headed, non irate, long time LBT-er. Then she went on to answer it very directly---do you think there is a trend towards white women/black men marriages? She says No.

She says basically the same thing you do---and that most of us have agreed with, that the number of interracial marriages are going up simply because it is more accepted than at any time in the past.

As for myself, and many others on here, we welcom the DEBATE of an issue. NOT Lee's cut and dried, his way or no way attitude. When you tried to discuss something with him in this or many other threads, he shut down and went to insulting you if you disagreed with him, and that is not a debate...it is childish.

The other problem with debating this issue of interracial marriages, is we have thus far only heard one side, no one yet seems to have issue with it. I have no doubt in my mind that there is still racism problems in many white/black marriages. Where I live there are many Native American, Hispanic, white combinations, and I see with my own eyes, how many are not accepted. Do I think it is right for them to be treated in a lesser manner? NO! Do I do it myself? NO! In my own family there are interracial marriages. It took awhile for my DIL's family and my own to combine our celebrations, and mix and mingle them to everyones satisfaction and comfort---but we did it! Our kids are worth it! I would guess to be truly anti racist, I would not see that her skin is darker than mine, but I see it, I learn from it, and I learned to love her. Had she been as blonde and blue eyed as my son, I would still have had to adjust and learn to love her---she is a new family member---she comes with her own baggage---we all do. I have NO DOUBT in my mind that her Hispanic family had just as much trouble figuring out our family. And if the truth be told, our family has embraced her, and our grandson...her own grandparents will not be around our son, or our family, and if we happen upon one another, they refuse to speak English so we might understand. Their Daughter (my DIL's Mom) has repeatedly apologized for them. THAT attitude is why there were less interracial marriages in the past!

We ARE moving on--and up!

What part of the original question do you want to debate or discuss?

Kat

BJean · August 6, 2007

Yay Kat! I love the point you made about any newcomer in a family possibly having problems fitting in - because we all certainly do have baggage!

The other comment that I appreciated was you admitting that you notice that her skin is darker than yours. That's the kind of honesty that is going to help break down the walls of racism. So much more pure and real than hollow claims of not being a bigot.

Things are improving, but we sure have a long way to go! Kudos to you for doing a good job of working through it, first hand.

Hope2BHottie · August 6, 2007

Ok Bjean I'll bite. (hell, i bite everything, which is why I'm here ):eyebrows:

I grew up in the south with two very red blooded republicans at the helm. I was put in a private school in the 6th grade when "busing" started. It was a very racially explosive time then.

Through my early adulthood until recently, I never considered myself a racist. In fact two of my best friends are black. My children go to public schools and have many black friends who come and stay over night and have always been welcome in our home.

HOWEVER, recently I have discovered my own racism and am disgusted with myself. My 17 year old son started talking on the phone with my daughters friend who happens to be black. He wanted to ask her out and came to me for advice. NOT for advice on the racial issue, but dating in general. He has always been too shy and quite to ask a girl out.

The first words out of my very own mouth were "Jordan! You cant date her...she's black!" The second those words were released from my lips I knew I was a racist who just came out of the closet.

I even tried to later rationalize it to myself by saying things like "we live in such a small southern rasist town, what will people say?" or "there are too many problems with inter racial relationships" or even the best one was "your grandfather would roll over in his grave"

I struggled with this for weeks trying my best not to verbalize my thoughts to my son. I knew we didn't need another generation of racists in my family.

Afterall, the boy came to me with an issue...about DATING. She just happened to be black and I made it a racial issue. I honestly don't think he gave her skin color a second thought.

Fast forward to present: He took her out on one date. He said she was "okay" but talked too much. He made the decision not to go out with her again, but his decision had nothing to do with color.

I really hope that the racism in my family stops here. We do not need another generation of rasist....in the closet or not. I think we are making a little progess. The difference between how my children view other races and my parents viewed other races is a HUGE step forward. I can only hope that the trend continues.

Jacki

BJean · August 6, 2007

Jackie a similar wake up call has happened to me. What a shock to hear yourself say something like that when you honestly do not think there is one reason in the world why a person's skin color should enter into the dating equation.

But it does. Pure and simple. There are still many bigots in this country - from all sides. And I imagine your initial thought was governed by the motherly instinct of wanting to protect your son from all harm. That harm could include discrimination in your little town and by his own grandparents. No one can honestly blame you for wanting to protect your son. But if we were completely free of any racial discrimination, we wouldn't have thought it could bring him harm in the first place, right?

carolel · August 9, 2007

Oh Bjean he gave quite a detailed description of looking at an 11 year olds breasts in another post.

Oh My! Really? This is casue for alarm. If this is true..he should be banned from this site.

Personally, I think he's sour on women.

foodstampchamp · August 16, 2007

People should marry who they love; white, black, men, women, whoever... as long as the two are consenting adults.
On an anecdotal note, all of the mixed race people I know are absolutely gorgeous. I know it's not scientific, it's just my personal observation.

I have said that same thing. Mixed race couples seem to make supermodel babies. I also know that is not scientific but it just seems so sometimes. I have a niece and nephew that are half white half african american and they have got to be the two cutest kids ya ever did see. Little runway models. I know it has nothing to do with their race but I just think it's cute to tease their mom.

Lee4love1 · August 22, 2007

Exactly "Green"..People have this feeling that if race is not discussed--it's not here in each of our lives. For instance--a lady made it known that she had some interest in me. I am a 50 yr old Black Man, her a 47 yr old White Woman. In fact I liked her too. But after a couple of conversations--she was trying to figure out--how will she tell her daughter about me--what would her friends say and more. She said it was best to not go down that relationship road--because her friends and family would make her feel a lot of paon because of her choice. I told her something the last time we talked--she needed to come into thr eyear 2007.Your life is connected to others, but your choices of love is not. If you find someone to make you happy--why place a caution or stop sign up--because of what others "Think". I let her know just the simple thing on having weight loss surgery has changed many peoples opinion on me. One of the biggest things I've heard was--"Aren't I scared of what others will think of me--because I looked like I was on drugs"...I simply said--when I have insomnia--it's not because of them. I sleep well after i get tired--lol....

Lee4love1 · August 22, 2007

Jacki, Jacki--What has come over you? Did she have green blood running through her veins? Did she possess 3 legs or 4 arms? I am sure she was all human, just that her skin is black. There are something beautiful about us Black People. We come in all shades and colors. There are many who can pass for white ot hispanic, some of us are deep dark chocolate--but whatever shade we are--it's not impossible to have a relationship with us. The only reason I'd say be careful is--if that person carries the HIV virus. Otherwise--let's come into the modern times.Much of where the workld is going--tends to be on our side of the house anyway. No, I don't mean to sound big headed or even crazy as some have called me. People are rapping, dancing in commercials to get peoples attention to buy almost anything. Other things are styles in clothes and shoes. Then one of the biggest inventions you use daily--invented by a Black Man--do you have any idea of what it is? The freezer, refrigerator, air conditioning...get it..So can a Black Man or Black Woman be all that bad? Stop buying in the media showing all of the black people on drugs or getting busted. Have you noticed--there is about 30 to 31 million black People in the USA? With the rest of the population being 270 Million? We shouldn't be loked on as rapists, theives, drug users, sex crazed people. We're as normal as apple pie. Each race has it's own defining qualities. So deverse--it makes a lot of people scared. We all have many problems too--but that is the thing about all people from all races...

Lee4love1 · August 22, 2007

Deb the LPN....yes I couldlose a lot more weight if that chip was erased. But with people like you around--how can I lose anything having to do with my wieght or the weight of your racism.

Look at the world--we are at war now with the brown skinned people over the ideas of religion--radical--but the mere far it's a war.

Just because I think things and I feel secure in discussing them--it does not mean iam a bad Man or Father. In fact I have two sons who deal withthis issues everyday. My son who is in the 3rd grade--sits in his class and see's nothing but white faces. He is among only 3 kids who are black. Now I am going to be honest--it's because of my sons straight A's. I work with him and some kids make fun of him--all because of his being in an all white class. Same goes for my 6th grader. In fact both of them are made fun of--because they speak-"White". Which is saying they have much better English that many of their black counter parts. There are people now scared to step away from the norm. I live in a neighborhood that is 99.9% black. I talked to a few and they made progress this year. My sons who is 8 plays football--again his team is all white with only 2 being black. Some of the Mothers I know told me she was holding her son back from playing--just because of that reason. Scared to let their sons play due to all of the whiteness. I talked to the two people--two single Mothers in fact. I asked--what are you going to do in 7 to 10 years when your sons want to go to college, but the college is racially mixed? How would that child grow? His mental abilities are stifflied due to him living up to his Mom beliefs of being scared of white People. Aww yes--many Black People are still scared of dealing with the racial overtones of some other races. That is not a chip on my shoulder. I am in full agreement with that. I see the jails and I see many black faces there--even juvenile detention. How could I know this? I was there to visit and show my own son--there is another way. But as long as we have people like Deb--we are going to be lost as a group of Americans. Look, but don't talk about it. Love--but don't mention our differences. If I have a chip on my shoulder--why are sooooo many White Women falling in Love enough to have a Black Husband and severaL MIXED RACE KIDS? Explain this---is this me having a chip on my shoulder or a fact of life?

Get into some Hip Hop...Check out the Album..Fear of a Black Planet...the fear is evident with our political policies and our ways of living....Too many People like Deb have the thought process that we should hide our feelings, hide anything having to do with our past. We are going to progress no matter what you say or think. Many of my friends happen to be not Black. I am a Black Man and I know you and many others would hate me--just because of that. Well I am going to let you do your job. Please hate me---if you have 15 more friends--advise them to hate me too. I will sleep so much better

Lee4love1 · August 22, 2007

Green...I have to thank you for such a well put together response. As I was saying--we people--either white or black--have fears that are unfounded. Why is that? As I mentioned in a another page--mmm page 8 of this. Two ladies told me of why they refused to let their sons play tacke football. These are children who are from age 7 to 12 years old. The ones who go to school with the white, hispanic and Asian kids. I am told by both of my sons--9 and 11--they hardly speak on the white and black issues.

An example was...I was going to a football for my son last year. He said he wanted to show me his "new" friend after the game. My oldest son added the same comment. Now what I'm about to tell you--some of you are not going to think it's true. I met 2 little girls, about 8 and 10 at this time. Both had long hair and some nice Parents who accepted the change in the views. Both of the little girls were white with blue eyes. One lady smiled so much--I thought they was going to push them both together. The 8 year old girl was chasing my son--hitting him. An old way of saying--"I like you". We're too far gone from the 1960's. I was even asked--was I ok with that? I said--This is no longer our time, kids don't deal with the problems we once did back in the late 60's and 70's. In fact--I had no comment--it was ok. We're no longer marching on Washington. But we still have a lot of things to deal with--such as the Micheal Vick problems. But we face much pressure to be normal. But many of our Black men get Demonized and make bad choices in our lives.

We have to wake up and realize Education is the key. Part of this is stop bashing others because we all have different opinons on life. It's time we air our thoughts, our fears and many things we keep buried in the back of our minds. Truly they come out in our speech patterns and ways in which we guilde our children.

Today--both of my sons have cell phones which i brought them. I wanted them to have a means of talking to their friends without tying up the home phone. Plus--since I'm one Parent--I can't be at my sons football games and places where my oldest will be playing in the band. But-what I wanted to say--most of their friends are white. Do I care?--no I don't. On another Point---some of the Parents wonder--How could i do this as a Black Man. Be a responsible Parent...look further--it's a another forum I'll write....

Kat817 · August 22, 2007

As has been said before, racism is alive and well, and working both ways, and it is a true shame. Just as you live amongst some black families who do not want their children to play ball with a mostly white team, I am sure (make that 100% sure) that there is the reverse neighborhood, where some white families do not want their children to play on a mostly black team. Some of it is a natural desire to protect our children from possibly being singled out for any reason---whether it be the color of their skin, or a big nose, or a speech impediment. But yes, a big part of that scenario is simply due to the color of their skin. It is a shame we cannot just let our kids be themsleves, they don't seem concerned with 'color' until it is made an issue. I have as I said before nephews who are biracial, the other day one of them mentioned a friend by name, Aaron, and I ask which one he was, he tells me, he is the one who drives the classic Charger, he works at Auto Zone, and had the faux hawk last year. Well a few minutes later Aaron showed up to pick him up, and Aaron was Asian---but my nephew never apparantly thought of THAT as a way to describe which one he was! He saw him simply as a friend, who had a cool car, and a memorable hair cut! Is it because he himself has been described based on his dual race identity? Who knows, but it made me smile to know he did not differentiate him that way. Would I have done the same? I seriously doubt it...would I have meant the description to be derogatory? Not in any way at all, but I still believe I would have likely used his race to describe him. Not that it is right, just being honest.

Where I live there is serious issues with race, and there is often unrest over it. There have been books wrote about it, peace marches, and a boycotting of local businesses. It may not be the same combination of races that this post originated to discuss, but it is racial unrest just the same.

Lee, I really think Jacki was as shocked by her reaction as anyone---and it takes a lot of nerve and willingness to be questioned for her to admit what happen. I have never been in her shoes, I cannot say I wouldn't react that way, because just as she said, she didn't think she would either! It is HARDER when it comes to your kids, than with yourself. As much as we want the world to be different, it is going to take each of us recognizing our own shortcomings, and working to change our own perceptions of other people in general. Just as with other things, recognizing a problem is the first step to changing it....she has taken that step.

Kat

Kat817 · August 22, 2007

Lee---Michael Vick made terrible choices, but he made them as a man---not because he was a black man. Fighting pit bulls used to be a serious problem here---but they were not fought by black professional football players---they were fought by redneck white oil field workers. Sick minds come in all colors, shapes, and sizes!

I once dated a guy, who was as described above, a redneck, and we went by his house, and he had this HUGE pit bull, out in the yard, of course I mentioned the dog, he told me not to go near him, he was training him for a fight! He had a huge logging chain on him, the dog had to drag this 50 pound chain to move. That date was OVER! I know anyone who is going to do that could be vindictive as hell, so I didn't ever say a word, but animal control, and the police dept. got called!!! I HATED myself for not standing up right then and there---but I had a small child to think of too. Vick is bringing this to light, but the incident I referred to...took place over 20 years ago! It's aabout damn time they put a stop to it!

Kat

Hope2BHottie · August 22, 2007

Thank you Kat for better conveying what I was trying to say. Yes...I was shocked by my own reaction and hope to take from that reaction a lesson. As Dr Phil says "You can't change what you do not acknowledge" (no bashing Dr Phil...I actually like his approach)

And to others who have commented that people should be free to love any one of any color or race ...Of course I want to believe that too. That is what logic tells us. But that is in a perfect world.

In a perfect world there would be no racism...or poverty ..or wars...but we do not live in a perfect world. It has never been perfect nor ever will be perfect.

As has been said before, racism is alive and well, and working both ways, and it is a true shame. Just as you live amongst some black families who do not want their children to play ball with a mostly white team, I am sure (make that 100% sure) that there is the reverse neighborhood, where some white families do not want their children to play on a mostly black team. Some of it is a natural desire to protect our children from possibly being singled out for any reason---whether it be the color of their skin, or a big nose, or a speech impediment. But yes, a big part of that scenario is simply due to the color of their skin. It is a shame we cannot just let our kids be themsleves, they don't seem concerned with 'color' until it is made an issue. I have as I said before nephews who are biracial, the other day one of them mentioned a friend by name, Aaron, and I ask which one he was, he tells me, he is the one who drives the classic Charger, he works at Auto Zone, and had the faux hawk last year. Well a few minutes later Aaron showed up to pick him up, and Aaron was Asian---but my nephew never apparantly thought of THAT as a way to describe which one he was! He saw him simply as a friend, who had a cool car, and a memorable hair cut! Is it because he himself has been described based on his dual race identity? Who knows, but it made me smile to know he did not differentiate him that way. Would I have done the same? I seriously doubt it...would I have meant the description to be derogatory? Not in any way at all, but I still believe I would have likely used his race to describe him. Not that it is right, just being honest.
Where I live there is serious issues with race, and there is often unrest over it. There have been books wrote about it, peace marches, and a boycotting of local businesses. It may not be the same combination of races that this post originated to discuss, but it is racial unrest just the same.

Lee, I really think Jacki was as shocked by her reaction as anyone---and it takes a lot of nerve and willingness to be questioned for her to admit what happen. I have never been in her shoes, I cannot say I wouldn't react that way, because just as she said, she didn't think she would either! It is HARDER when it comes to your kids, than with yourself. As much as we want the world to be different, it is going to take each of us recognizing our own shortcomings, and working to change our own perceptions of other people in general. Just as with other things, recognizing a problem is the first step to changing it....she has taken that step.

Kat