I have no sex drive. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I like it when I do get convinced to have it, but otherwise I could just as well leave it alone. This is a source of stress in our marriage, as my husband would like to have sex daily. We have sex maybe once every few months.

Has anyone had surgery and found that that helped you gain back your sex drive?

I don't think it's a self-esteem issue. I have no problem with showing off my body inside my house (in the summer, we run around almost naked, to save money on electricty). I think it's my psych drugs, for some parts anyway.

Often time medications do hinder sex drive....from anti-depressants to even some bc pills. Everyone's body reacts differently. Talk to your GNY or to your primary and see. I have a HIGH sex drive, but I do remeber when in the past I was on something that it was decreased greatly. Maybe try something more intimate (like massages, quiet nights alone talking, moonligh walking,etc ) and maybe that will help trigger the mood...sometimes it's the 'before' that can really set the mood. We are all very stressed, busy, etc and forget to slow down and 'feel' for ourselves.

I haven't noticed a difference-- my drive is the same now as it was before surgery. I would sooner guess is has everything to do with the psych meds you are on.

I know you don't think its a self-esteem issue-- but what about confidence? I know I tend not to my confident in my 'bed skills' at times which hinders *my* initiation of sex. But if he initiates I'm game-- I know he'd like me to be more proactive though.

Maybe you and your husband could consider talking about the issue with a therapist. You may find it is less of a physical issue than a mental one.

For me, it's a matter of timing. My man has the typical male morning uhhhh "enhancement" and I have found that in the wee hours, I am in my prime, too. I am rested, not sick to my stomach from eating, and have no distractions. He is 65 and I am pushing 64 in a few weeks.

Since I am way lighter, I have more energy and am more flexible. I feel less inhibited, too. We are both firm believers in teasing and foreplay - getting ourselves in the mood in order to make that intimate connection with enthusiasm. We are playful and grab and smooch all day long.

Find out what it will take for you to get your "flirt" on. Sex starts in the head. It also helped me to drop seven medications post-op. They were slowing my roll. I had no idea in my twenties that I would be having the best sex of my life in my sixties. Who knew?

I remember (seems like ages ago) after I started to lose after being banded my drive went through the roof, too. Now that I have put on weight (and gotten older) it has gone back down again. But it is still there. I think I have to agree that desire can be effected by meds, weight, hormones and self-esteem. Being able to move and breath is a great aphrodisiac!

I'm getting myself back into therapy soon, Monday I'll make an appointment with a therapist, and I will discuss this with her. I don't want to have sex, but I do want to love my husband and let him have sex.

I was embarrassed of my body which made me not want to have sex. I felt gross.

Now I am one horny woman.

But my sex drive with my ex never did come back. It was a problem between us, not just my being overweight.

Prior to surgery, I was a broken down Chevette. Now I'm a Ferrari. Took a while - like 10 months.