So it turns out my wife is gay...

[princessprotein 13]

I'm new to this site (iPhone app) so I actually thought I had read the thread fully. No need to be rude lol

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[Smye 694]

@@princessprotein, my apologies if you felt my reply was rude - that was not remotely my intent. You may find this to be easier to read.

[lachellove 486]

@@Smye I respect that. I hope you find all the answers and happiness. I want to say that the interest comes solely from seeing you graciously accept Mrs. Smye and her decisions and work through this time with her, And not leave her to be hurt and alone. And also to see you persevere and pick your self up and get back out there and try to find companionship whether it's a friend or more. I've been here since the very beginning since the thread was started and can't wait until you all find your happy endings ..

Edited March 19, 2016 by lachellove

[Smye 694]

@@lachellove - thank you, your support and just to be heard is incredibly welcome and helpful.

[Smye 694]

Breakup Broken - here.

[Valentina 2,642]

Great job on your weight loss journey.

That been said, I find that I am reading your posts like I used to watch soap operas when I was home recuperating from spinal surgery--I hated myself for watching them, but watch them I did--every day.

I keep waiting for you to wake up from a coma, find out that everything in the few months have been a dream and now you have amnesia!

I hope you find happiness in your life--soon. You're far too young to have such drama on an ongoing basis.

Best wishes on your WLS journey.

[Smye 694]

@@Valentina - you have no idea how nice that would be. If you'd like to drive cross country and hit me over the head - i mean, if that actually works and everything reset - please feel free!

And thank you.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Smye

[lachellove 486]

Hello!! How has things been going?

[Smye 694]

@@lachellove, thank you for checking in. That small gesture of support means the world. In brief - yes I am well. The Cartographer and I continue to be in contact with strict parameters, the Actress and I are spending time together as friends and I am on something of a dating hiatus. I'll be posting a more thorough update once I get this budget submitted to the board - yay for having a real job alongside everything else

[lachellove 486]

@@lachellove, thank you for checking in. That small gesture of support means the world. In brief - yes I am well. The Cartographer and I continue to be in contact with strict parameters, the Actress and I are spending time together as friends and I am on something of a dating hiatus. I'll be posting a more thorough update once I get this budget submitted to the board - yay for having a real job alongside everything else

Glad to hear everything is calm! Yes a nice healthy break from dating seems refreshing no stress just fun. Yay! Real jobs rock. Keeps you busy ..

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[Smye 694]

@@lachellove, thanks Lachelle.

Quick update: Budget submitted, so I should have a more thorough update sometime tomorrow. In short:

The Cartographer and I are still getting on as friends, so far so good?

The Actress ROCKS, is currently committed to at least 2 years without a romance and it's lovely to have another friend in my life.

On Sunday my friend The Gourmand and I will be making hundreds of sushi (maki, nigiri, gunkan, and sashimi) in a dry run of our work for AllRecipes. Should be a great time!

Okay, nevermind, this is the longform update:

This last week we had a real estate agent friend out to advise us on how to go about converting the house to a duplex by adding a central interior wall (cost estimate, impact on resale, etc etc). Long story short, her advice was DO NOT DO IT! We've got (apparently) somewhere between $200k and $250k in equity in the house (hooray for buying in late 2011 and it being an election year approaching summer) and, in her work over the last 30 years, she's helped a number of clients (which we are not) through similar divorces (one spouse realizes they are gay and it's amicable) and only once has living on the same property survived beyond the acquisition of a new partner.

Additionally, the preschools and elementary schools that provide appropriate services for Little Smye are all out of the district we live in now. Her advice is: Sell the house this summer, use the profits to 1) give Mrs. Smye a large chunk of $ to survive on while she sets up her practice/downpayment on a small house for her/Little Smye 2) give myself a smaller chunk (only $80k) to completely zero out all student loans 3) reduce myself spousal support by way of the larger share of profits going to Mrs. Smye at the outset 4) Provide myself a larger portion of his income to be able to rent for a short while near to work and build a stockpile to buy again when the market next drops 5) provide Little Smye a stable, single move, landing in a near-forever home.

It's utterly heartbreaking, but admittedly seems to be the most reasonable solution. I don't want to give up my home, but I can't afford to support my own mortgage, a household for Mrs. Smye once she moves out, AND make my student loan payments. And if Mrs. Smye is going to move westward towards better schools for Little Smye , I want to be near to them.

My biggest anxiety (other than losing my wife [oh wait, that's already done] and not living with my son most of the time [in his best interest based on the careers of his parents]) is the financial aspect of all of this. Mrs. Smye took a low paying job and I acquired $80k in student loans in order to maximize our family's long-term earning potential, but with the divorce it leaves us both effectively screwed... except that we've got such equity in the house that we can effectively solve both problems (giving her enough of a cushion to live off of until she finishes her licensure and eliminating all of my student debt).

We've not made any decisions at this point, but it's looking like we'll likely aim for a deal to be reached mid-end of spring with closing in early July (I have July off, which would allow for crashing on Mrs. Smye's couch while I hunt for a new home once we have her securely placed). We'll also likely stay married until after the house is sold as there are no capital gains taxes on up to $500k if we're married, but $250k if we're divorced. We'll then see about doing one of those 'self-guided divorce' deals for $800 rather than the $8-20k attorney-guided divorces.

[lachellove 486]

@@lachellove, thanks Lachelle.

Quick update: Budget submitted, so I should have a more thorough update sometime tomorrow. In short:

The Cartographer and I are still getting on as friends, so far so good?

The Actress ROCKS, is currently committed to at least 2 years without a romance and it's lovely to have another friend in my life.

On Sunday my friend The Gourmand and I will be making hundreds of sushi (maki, nigiri, gunkan, and sashimi) in a dry run of our work for AllRecipes. Should be a great time!

Okay, nevermind, this is the longform update:

This last week we had a real estate agent friend out to advise us on how to go about converting the house to a duplex by adding a central interior wall (cost estimate, impact on resale, etc etc). Long story short, her advice was DO NOT DO IT! We've got (apparently) somewhere between $200k and $250k in equity in the house (hooray for buying in late 2011 and it being an election year approaching summer) and, in her work over the last 30 years, she's helped a number of clients (which we are not) through similar divorces (one spouse realizes they are gay and it's amicable) and only once has living on the same property survived beyond the acquisition of a new partner.

Additionally, the preschools and elementary schools that provide appropriate services for Little Smye are all out of the district we live in now. Her advice is: Sell the house this summer, use the profits to 1) give Mrs. Smye a large chunk of $ to survive on while she sets up her practice/downpayment on a small house for her/Little Smye 2) give myself a smaller chunk (only $80k) to completely zero out all student loans 3) reduce myself spousal support by way of the larger share of profits going to Mrs. Smye at the outset 4) Provide myself a larger portion of his income to be able to rent for a short while near to work and build a stockpile to buy again when the market next drops 5) provide Little Smye a stable, single move, landing in a near-forever home.

It's utterly heartbreaking, but admittedly seems to be the most reasonable solution. I don't want to give up my home, but I can't afford to support my own mortgage, a household for Mrs. Smye once she moves out, AND make my student loan payments. And if Mrs. Smye is going to move westward towards better schools for Little Smye , I want to be near to them.

My biggest anxiety (other than losing my wife [oh wait, that's already done] and not living with my son most of the time [in his best interest based on the careers of his parents]) is the financial aspect of all of this. Mrs. Smye took a low paying job and I acquired $80k in student loans in order to maximize our family's long-term earning potential, but with the divorce it leaves us both effectively screwed... except that we've got such equity in the house that we can effectively solve both problems (giving her enough of a cushion to live off of until she finishes her licensure and eliminating all of my student debt).

We've not made any decisions at this point, but it's looking like we'll likely aim for a deal to be reached mid-end of spring with closing in early July (I have July off, which would allow for crashing on Mrs. Smye's couch while I hunt for a new home once we have her securely placed). We'll also likely stay married until after the house is sold as there are no capital gains taxes on up to $500k if we're married, but $250k if we're divorced. We'll then see about doing one of those 'self-guided divorce' deals for $800 rather than the $8-20k attorney-guided divorces.

Oh my. What a update. Taking a deal that benefits you both seems like the right thing to do. I know you guys will make a decision that is best for or all of you. This has to be a lot to take on right now. Glad everything is working out with you and the cartographer are doing well. I commend the actress for being on a romance hiatus.. That is a very wise thing to do. It will help in the long run. The divorce is coming. Seems surreal.

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[SassyNanny 311]

How is the sleepwalking? I had that happen while going through a divorce scenario, it was actually night terrors. Was pretty intense for several years. Thank goodness that has stopped.

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[Smye 694]

@@lachellove - thanks. It's a bit of a headtrip, to be sure, but I agree, I think it's in everyone's best interest.

@@SassyNanny - I thought it had stopped, then I asked Mrs. Smye and nope, every night, roughly at 2 am, she hears me mumbling and pacing in my room, there's a loud crash every few nights. I woke up this morning with my jeans on. But I've absolutely zero recollection of any of it. Bizarre.

[SassyNanny 311]

@@lachellove - thanks. It's a bit of a headtrip, to be sure, but I agree, I think it's in everyone's best interest.

@@SassyNanny - I thought it had stopped, then I asked Mrs. Smye and nope, every night, roughly at 2 am, she hears me mumbling and pacing in my room, there's a loud crash every few nights. I woke up this morning with my jeans on. But I've absolutely zero recollection of any of it. Bizarre.