I have heard that the divorce rate is high after surgery. I would like to know what to expect after surgery. My husband is already making me wonder if I will be trading my happiness for my marriage

Thank you for responding

This is way more than about getting new attention. This is alot to do with finally being free of obesity and thinking about life satisfaction. I was in a "non relationship " and we are both happier as friends since the love was dead ages ago.

I am sorry you are going through a similar situation. I don't get the impression my husband feels insecure at least lately. I feel like he has one foot out the door. I will be interested to hear if he comes around after your surgery. Good luck

_{Thanks so much for these posts!!!!!! I honestly am crying right now because all of you understand what I am thinking . I am so worried about my fiancé after the surgery. Not because he wont support me....not because we have a great equal relationship, but for the reason that he is overweight, unhealthy ( physically) and we have a life AROUND food, and have since day one. I am scared, but if he not on purpose sabotages me, I will have to end it, I guess. I don't know.? :-(}

_{Thanks so much for these posts!!!!!! I honestly am crying right now because all of you understand what I am thinking . I am so worried about my fiancé after the surgery. Not because he wont support me....not because we have a great equal relationship, but for the reason that he is overweight, unhealthy ( physically) and we have a life AROUND food, and have since day one. I am scared, but if he not on purpose sabotages me, I will have to end it, I guess. I don't know.? :-(}

I assume neither of you is mute or deaf.

You and he can actually talk about this stuff.

Or you can sit alone in the dark and cry.

My husband is not supportive either. He says he doesn't like the idea of me going under the knife... Yet when we went to a concert the other day I was looking at shirts and asked to see to see a woman's xl. He looks at it with me and says that isn't going to fit you, get a mans size. I said no and we walked away. I wanted to say something but I was tired. This morning we get on the topic again and I said maybe it would have been nice to say, buy the shirt so that after your surgery you can wear it. I called him a jerk and unsupportive. He agreed he shouldn't have said that. I have already told him I don't want him around for appointments etc because I know how he feels.

I have to admit this makes me so sad. I feel for you. My husband complains about my weight on the back of his bike but wants me to be happy the way I am. I wish they could make up their minds.

I am very interested to see how my husband's feelings will progress post-surgery. I am so nervous that his insecurities are going to become overpowering. I am hoping/praying/wishing they do not.

I'm very glad I found this topic, though I'm not glad for what some of you are going through. So, firstly, let me extend my good wishes to those of you who are struggling to find support from your significant others.

I'm actually worried about myself, not my boyfriend. I'm incredibly lucky that he has been supportive of this process- he came with me to my surgeon's seminar, he'll be at my appointments (where a support person is welcome), he helps me with all the little stuff that comes up like running out for Vitamins, finding the myriad of different protein/meal replacement shakes at the store (trying to test flavors early so when it's time for the liquid diet I'm not scrambling to find something that doesn't taste like garbage. yuck.) All around, he's a great man and I'm lucky to have him. But, he's also the only boyfriend I've ever had. I'm in my mid-twenties and no other man has shown a romantic interest in me (if you don't count devastating moments in middle school in which I was informed that boys did have crushes on me but not my body- in other words, "I like you, but I'm too embarrassed to date you or ask you to dance because you're fat!)

Anyway, I'm afraid that with the sudden influx of attention I'll turn into someone I don't like and it'll be the demise of what I have with my SO. We've talked about it before, several times actually, but he doesn't seem to understand that this is a real phenomena for women who undergo this kind of procedure. He seems totally secure, and he's probably completely right to be, but what if I become someone I don't like? Memories like the one I described above can do a lot a damage to your psyche with this kind of thing, especially paired with a lack of love/attention from my parents as a kid. As a "fat person" I made up for the lack of love/attention by desperately trying to be perfect- super smart! super friendly! super nice! never, ever get in trouble! super dependable!- what if I find myself (subconsciously) trying this new outlet?

That was long, sorry guys!

I think you're struggling with trying to balance "a full life lived normally in stages" while also "understanding what love is and what it encompasses."

When people are improving their lives after WLS they often destroy their old lives.

Sometimes it's for the better.

Sometimes it's disastrous.

Just be glad you don't have children together at this stage.

Protip: Nobody had a perfect childhood. Everybody thinks they missed something important. Even the skinny bitches.

To add to this... alot of the skinny bitches are actually not very happy either...

I think you're struggling with trying to balance "a full life lived normally in stages" while also "understanding what love is and what it encompasses."

When people are improving their lives after WLS they often destroy their old lives.

Sometimes it's for the better.

Sometimes it's disastrous.

Just be glad you don't have children together at this stage.

Protip: Nobody had a perfect childhood. Everybody thinks they missed something important. Even the skinny b*****s.

This surgery is about reclaiming YOUR LIFE. Your health, Your confidence, YOUR happiness.

If sharing that w/ your significant other is important to you, then you will do that.

If your health, confidence and happiness is important to your partner, then they will share that as well.

But sometimes, its' not.

and that's ok as well.

Ok so now I'm going to be the bitch who says.... I did something for myself that made me healthier, and you didn't really support it, but now that I've lost 60 pounds in three months you are noticing how I've changed and liking it, but maybe I don't want to be with a guy who has no sense of self pride to become a healthier man!! I've made changes for the better, and you find it sexy....shouldn't you try to reciprocate??

My husband was a jerk for a few weeks and then I realized the problem was I made the decision on my own and he didn't feel like I listened to him. I also saw panic when I just went for the endoscopy. He is afraid. Now he nervous about the extra skin. Help!!!

@lisa0617

How was your surgery?

My SO and I have talked extensively and he supports me 100% in this process of getting surgery (lap band to bypass). He met me when I was bigger because he is attracted to bigger women. But he says he fell in love with me and not the way my body looks. I believe him fully. Will he be attracted to me once I lose my weight? I don't know. And if not, will love (without sexual attraction) be enough to keep us together? What people say they want and what people truly feel don't always equal up. And we will continue to be able to communicate with each other our needs and wants. I realize I am taking a chance on losing him.

He does speak positively about how much more we will be able to do together because I'll be smaller. And how I will be so much healthier and he won't lose me at a younger age. He says this is so much more important then me being bigger. And that feels great to hear him say that!

Ultimately, OUR bodies are only OURS and no matter what happens in our relationships, no matter who we love and who loves us, we will be with ourselves for the rest of our lives. We owe it to ourselves to be the healthiest people we can be.