In terms of your weight or appearance...what have been the doozies?

I'll start with this one, it's a double wammy!

Three weeks ago, DH and I visit his family. His grandfather sees my DH in his new outfit I got him for his birthday and sporting his new "do" that sort of gives him a bed head look. He says to me "If he keeps looking younger, people are going to think he's your son!"

Mind you, my DH is 5-6 years younger than I am.

I go home in a slight huff but try to figure it's just an old man not aware of what he says all the time, because he's never had a mean bone in his body that I've ever been aware of. I tell my mom about this and she says "ya...the more overweight you get, the older you're going to look."

My point being...I know I'm older than DH. I know I'm fatter than DH. Everyone else that has eyes can tell both of those too, though the age thing might be just a tad harder ( evidently not after DH got his new hip haircut)...why did they have to say anything....

I'm going to go shave my DH's head bald and get him some used sweatpants and a sloppy tee-shirt to wear to family functions from here on out. Maybe then, someone will think I've had plastic surgery and that it's doing me wonders! Course, I think having this LB is going to make them start to shush about my weight problem. I'm not telling them I've gotten one....I'm just hoping that they'll notice my efforts.

Now, help me find a few laughs out there. What have you heard that's been sort of "off-handed" or "back-handed" compliments? Lets try to make it more funny than bitchy if you can. I've got a few more that I'll post if this one takes off.

"That shirt/jeans/etc. make you look fat"

Well, duh, I already am fat...

My MIL likes to say " I like your outfit....it very slimming" which just means you are actually fatter than you look today!!

You just gotta laugh!

Talking with a group of gals in the lunchroom about vegetarian diets. I admit I was a vegetarian for 5 years but changed my life after that and now include meat Proteins in my diet. One gal said "well, we're you thinner when you were a vegetarian?"

Now, see, I just thought we were talking about vegetarianism...not my history of a fat butt. It IS possible to be an overweight vegan and vegetarian and carnivore and omnivore. I should know. I've been them all.

lol omg my mother's favorite to say is 'boy your legs look skinny'.. translation: Geez the rest of you is sure big. grrrr.

I always always got "you're not fat, you're just a big girl". Argh, that used to piss me off. Firstly, I very definitely WAS fat, were they freaking blind? Just coz I wasnt morbidly obese didnt mean I wasnt fat. And secondly being a "big girl" implies you're stuck with it. I may be five ft 10 but I'm positively willowy now, yes I'm "big" compared to a lot of women, but I most definitely look female and curvy, not beefy!

The one that sticks in my craw was a combination insult because of my size AND a sexist put-down. And this from a "professional" colleague! A guy was being introduced around my office who was coming on board as part of the sales team, and when he got to me he said "wow, you're a BIG girl, aint'cha?" in front of several other people.

Even giving him the biggest benefit of the doubt I possibly can, and trying to think it just popped out of his mouth, I can't reconcile that comment with the notion of a decent adult human being in this day and age.

You just gotta laugh!

I never laughed about this sort of thing. It just makes me think less of whoever is making the comments. Because they, consciously or not, are trying to make me think less of myself.

lol omg my mother's favorite to say is 'boy your legs look skinny'.. translation: Geez the rest of you is sure big. grrrr.

My DH has that apple shape thing going on. ALL his weight is in his belly. His tush and legs are super small. As we were heading out the door one day, his mom said to him, "Bob, you really look good from the back."

ok here is my worst thing... mine comes with a story: My husband to be and I were out on a lake in a huge 10 person rubber raft that we owned. We were paddeling around happy as can be. I decide to get into the water as he said it was "really easy" to get back into the boat. Well not being the fat girl... He has no idea that his "really easy" way to get into the boat really sucks bigtime. He tied a rope across the back of the boat that i was to put my foot on to sorta heft myself up into the boat but he tied it so loose that all it did was put my leg underneath the boat. I could not get back in no how! So here we are screaming at each other in the middle of the lake and I am swearing like a truck driver for him to heft me back into the boat (did I mention there was a snake in the water?) and he says to me "OHMIGOD it is like trying to beach a whale!!" Well that was it. He did not say this in jest he did not say it trying to lighten the mood.... he was pissed and he said it for real. I have never - ever let him forget that. Every now and again I will just say.... like trying to beach a whale huh? He knows that was just not right. I also have to say this happed about 20 years ago or so, (we just had our 17th anniversary yesterday). Since then he has apologized for his behavior many times over but I still feel the need to let him know that cut deep and that is not allowed from him.

What has always floored me (although I guess it shouldn't) is when I make some self-deprecating remark because I'm embarrassed, that whoever is there decides they can go ahead and add their 2 cents by agreeing that I'm fat or old or whatever. Either that or someone will say, "oh don't be so hard on yourself, you're not THAT bad." Yeah, right.

Just gotta learn not to put myself down, even when I'm trying to be funny - like in the case of trying to get into an impossible raft while fighting off alligators or snakes or whatever.

I'd much prefer someone would just laugh along with me and forget it.

I got really hurt one day when a good friend of mine who is 5'10" and probably weighs over at least 190 lbs. and her mother, also a big woman, and I went to lunch. (I am 5'1.5" and at that time weighed 180 lbs.) Anyway her mother, having met me for the first time, and knows that her daughter and I are very good friends, says to me, "What's wrong with you that you'd let yourself get so fat? You'd be very pretty if you'd lose the weight." I mean she and her mother are both overweight and big women. What gave her the right to critscize me?

But the one that hurt the most, for some reason (I guess because children don't lie) was when I was with another friend and her grandson visiting from California (home of the beautiful people.) We took him to Disneyworld. My friend is older than I and probably about 35 lbs. overweight. We're walking along enjoying the day when her grandson (about 6 yrs. old) turns to my friend, makes a nasty face and says, "Eeuw, she's fat!" Just out of the blue. I didn't even have on shorts or a sleeveless top, so my fat wasn't exposed, but for some reason he focused on my body and was disgusted.

No, that didn't make me lose weight either. Just made me feel sorry for myself.

The one that sticks in my craw was a combination insult because of my size AND a sexist put-down. And this from a "professional" colleague! A guy was being introduced around my office who was coming on board as part of the sales team, and when he got to me he said "wow, you're a BIG girl, aint'cha?" in front of several other people.

Even giving him the biggest benefit of the doubt I possibly can, and trying to think it just popped out of his mouth, I can't reconcile that comment with the notion of a decent adult human being in this day and age.

I never laughed about this sort of thing. It just makes me think less of whoever is making the comments. Because they, consciously or not, are trying to make me think less of myself.

I know what you mean but I now know that it is them that are in a bad place if they need to make comments like that to make themselves feel better. My MIL has food issues worse than me. She is probably 20-25lbs overweight and goes to the gym everyday, sometimes twice. Her food issues are too much for me to go into but believe me she is more troubled by food than anyone on this site!!!

She once was eating the skin of an orange and my then 5 year old daughter asked her why and she said because there aren't any calories. My daughter did not know what a calorie is!!! Her daughter grew up to be bulimic and when we told her about it she said "I actually tried that once (throwing up after eating too much at a party) but it ruined my makeup, so I never did it again" She almost seemed happy that her daughter could pull it off, eat and stay thin!

I am sorry....I got started on her and could go on forever!!!

My experience happened recently...I've lost a fair amount of wt in this whole process, and I'm Very excited with how I look now! Of course I'm only 5'0" and still need to loose more! But it's obvious that I've lost wt.

Ok so I took my mother and grandmother out for Mother's Day. This was the first time they have seen me since the surgery. My mom turned to my kids and asked them "Isn't Mommy pretty now" - What was I before? I guess I know how she really felt huh? Then when we met up with my grandmother she told me how pretty I was now! HUH?!? I've been very bothered by both of these statements...I know they were trying to compliment but it still hurt.

Raven I know just what you mean.

METALBAND: Your MIL sounds like a seriously messed up person about food and exercise (if she goes twice a day and thinks purging would have been okay if it han't messed up her makeup.)

I've been really surprised at my MIL and her daughters - all very skinny women with naturally big boobs, and relatively tall. (It was a curse marrying into their family.) When I lost 40 lbs. within a short amount of time after being banded, they didn't even notice. No one said a thing. It was like, well since I'm still fat, they don't feel there's anything good to be said about it. OR THEY COULDN'T EVEN NOTICE 40 LBS. They don't know I was banded. No telling what they'd say to me if they did. They're not hurtful people, really, but they can't understand why I have gained so much weight since I married her son and their brother. When he and I got married, I weighed 105. I'm sure they think he's been ripped off. :tired

I was scuba diving with my beer bellied Dad and a tourist group in Hawaii. The Dive Captain floated to the top as I was going to pack it up and be done with my dive. My Dad was still hanging out 20 feet below Water checking out coral and so on. The Dive Captain comes up and says "Hey, you've got to pop back down a few feet and see this eel, I swear, he's the size of your thigh!"

So, I start to put my mask on, and I see my Dad pop up. The Dive Captain yells to him, "Hey, you'll have to come down and see this eel, I swear, he's as big as your waist!"

Now, I know that eel didn't increase in size in those few seconds....but Dad and I still joke embarrassingly about that one to this day. We don't ever think that he knew what he said or how it could have affected me badly over the next few dives I did with that DC. Good thing I didn't take it too personally, I was too into the diving.

big as his waist...sheesh!

Ugh - people can be so insensitive. And it's not even the skinnies that can be the rudest.

I can't tell you the number of times someone has said, "You look great. You carry your weight so well." Fu*kers! I'm 5'10" and my weight pretty much evenly distributes after it attacks my butt so yes, I do carry my weight somewhat "well," but I still don't need subtle reminders that yes, I'm fat.

I told pretty much everyone about being banded. One of the men I work with is fascinated by the process, and is pretty supportive, and positive about it. BUT, he makes these comments that are meant to be compliments.... How would you take it?

"Wow, you can really tell how much you've lost in your face/neck/shoulder/upper chest area...."

To me, that means that "oh, you can't tell you've lost anything below your boobs" even though I've gone down from a VERY VERY tight 24 stretch jean to a loose 20, or sometimes 18, depending on the cut. I still have a spare tire around my tummy that just won't go away, so I'm sure that's what people see when they look for my weight loss. Makes me crazy.