Following my divorce I took a year to make sure I was emotionally clean before beginning to date. Two years ago when I was 300 pounds I had some success with Match.com. I took a break from dating following the surgery. I decided to try eHarmony in January. Now that I am 80 pounds lighter I have had even more success. Just being more attractive helps. I think it has done great things for my confidence. Most women in my age/target demographic group are health conscious. They don't want to date a guy who is pre-diabetic.

Many people complain online dating doesn't work, and they feel rejected and ignored. My question is how seriously are you taking the process? Have you invested in high quality pictures to go on your profile? Have you looked at the myriad of resources out there to put together a really good profile? Do you know how many people are visiting the site you are on? (Go to http://www.alexa.com/ and look up the dating site you are interested in. You can find out how many men/women visit per day and other info to see if the numbers are high enough for you to invest your time there).

Speaking of numbers - do you know how many prospective singles are in your area? There are 2368 single women, 40-50 who are employed with college degrees within 25 miles of my house. How do I know? I looked up the census bureau information. Do a little checking and you will find there are sites which will give you a good indication of how many prospective singles there are. One reason why you may not be getting many dates is there are not enough prospects in your area. Just knowing this helps you understand why you are not getting any interest to your profile. The fewer prospects you have, the longer the search will take. It is just a numbers thing. If you have 1000 people, some will be dating and will not be on the market, but then they break up and are back on the market. Be realistic.

Getting dates is just sales and marketing (don't get judgmental; makeup/Spanx/pushup bras are just sales and marketing tools too). Here is a link to one of the best profiles I have ever seen. Back before the internet people used personal ads in newspapers to find dates. This is Gary Halbert's ad: http://www.thegaryha...Personal_Ad.pdf The profile is perfect, it describes him, what he DOESN'T WANT, and then what he wants. Your profile needs to follow the same pattern. A good online dating profile uses direct response marketing principles, but instead of selling a book, you are selling you. Test your profile. Put up different pictures. If one version doesn't work at attracting the people you want to meet, try another. I did three tests versions before I found one that worked well for me.

Women, please don't feel the need to respond to every guy who sends you a note. Online dating is a numbers game. It is a tool to help you get higher quality prospective dates than simple random chance. Be safe. Every state has criminal/court records online. Get to know how to use those tools. Learn to Google someone. It's not creepy, it's just smart. And always insist the first meeting be at a Starbucks during the day (lots of light, lots of exits). Invest 20 minutes in the initial meeting. If there pictures match what you see, then go for a real date.

Another complaint I have heard - everyone is just interested in sex. I don't think that is true, but why is there so much early sex in online dating? Well in my case I am mostly dating people who are divorced. We are used to having sex after going out on a date from our married days, so that makes sense there will be more sex than when we first dated before marriage. The other reason is by the time you actually go out you actually should have gotten to know the other person fairly well online. You get information that would normally take 3 or 4 dates to find out, so physical intimacy seems OK earlier than when you are starting the dating process.

My dating maxims and other unsolicited advise

1) Women (wither they know it or not) always control the pace of a relationship
2) Men will continue to pursue as long as they are interested
3) If they are not pursing, then they are not interested
4) Some element of tension is vital to a growing relationship or it gets flaccid and it keeps everyone on their best behavior
5) It takes six months before all the shields and protections are down to really know someone
6) Biggest danger in online dating -- grass is always greener syndrome. This will keep you from committing to a good person because there may be someone better online.

Enjoy the process. It's not rejection, it's just feedback. It's a numbers game, but be safe, be real and don't be cavalier with people's hearts.

A younger woman friend of mine found her true love on Tinder. They live in NYC, where Tinder makes a lot of sense for young singles who spend time in bars after work.

(Come on, we all remember what that life was like. )

Point is, Tinder is not just for a hook-up site.

I found a real good relationship on geek to geek. Most of the site particapitces are men. Some have that creep factor but most are nice

Single guys who want to attract women need to shower every day...some science of attraction (or avoiding repulsion).

I have read a couple of interesting books relating to relationships...Why Women Have Sex and Sex at Dawn. The sense of smell of women is much more acute in women than men. This is hard wired and is important to reproduction. Women are repelled by men who smell of bacteria because in days of old it meant disease.

It makes sense...before we knew what germs were, women who could smell bad food or bad genes from a potential spouse were successful in passing their gene's forward. Some manifestations today: morning sickness during the first trimester when ever they smell something that potentially harm the baby they puke to get rid of the germs.

It's easy for single guys to vege out and not worry about taking a shower when they aren't going out, but bacteria grows and the smelly residue is noticed unconsciously by women though it is not noticed by guys. In the first few seconds of meeting you a women's brain unconsciously looks for subtle clues to your general health: shoulder to hip ratio, symmetry of the body/face and will notice subtle odors guys can't smell.

Women might not decide to say yes to a date in the first few seconds, but they will make a "no way" decision within the four seconds. Once you get the the "no way" moniker it's tough to overcome it. Give yourself a chance to meet the future Mrs. Right by washing up everyday.

Note - attempts to cover lack of daily showers with Polo or Axe colones work with some, but many women are on to that and are consciously repulsed by those smells.

I am printing this and hanging it on my 17 year old's door.

@GibbsGirl I am printing this and hanging it on my 17 year old's door.

pffft, yeah there are limits to Axe Spray

Here are some interesting numbers on where the girls are

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a60165/dating-apps-with-most-women/

Very good article on how to design a believable profile for online dating in the Washington Post: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/08/02/researchers-have-figured-out-the-one-thing-not-to-do-in-your-online-dating-profile/?wpisrc=nl_most-draw7&wpmm=1

Mathmatical Evidence for Finding the Right Person

This is an interesting TED talk on the math of romance...

https://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love?language=en#t-699041

Great reason why bald guys should never wear hats and why you should not try to hide things which might make you appear unattractive. Looking absolutely perfect will result in few contacts because most potential suitors will say "oh what's the point, I am not going to humiliate myself." Very much worth watching just for that.