Following my divorce I took a year to make sure I was emotionally clean before beginning to date. Two years ago when I was 300 pounds I had some success with Match.com. I took a break from dating following the surgery. I decided to try eHarmony in January. Now that I am 80 pounds lighter I have had even more success. Just being more attractive helps. I think it has done great things for my confidence. Most women in my age/target demographic group are health conscious. They don't want to date a guy who is pre-diabetic.

Many people complain online dating doesn't work, and they feel rejected and ignored. My question is how seriously are you taking the process? Have you invested in high quality pictures to go on your profile? Have you looked at the myriad of resources out there to put together a really good profile? Do you know how many people are visiting the site you are on? (Go to http://www.alexa.com/ and look up the dating site you are interested in. You can find out how many men/women visit per day and other info to see if the numbers are high enough for you to invest your time there).

Speaking of numbers - do you know how many prospective singles are in your area? There are 2368 single women, 40-50 who are employed with college degrees within 25 miles of my house. How do I know? I looked up the census bureau information. Do a little checking and you will find there are sites which will give you a good indication of how many prospective singles there are. One reason why you may not be getting many dates is there are not enough prospects in your area. Just knowing this helps you understand why you are not getting any interest to your profile. The fewer prospects you have, the longer the search will take. It is just a numbers thing. If you have 1000 people, some will be dating and will not be on the market, but then they break up and are back on the market. Be realistic.

Getting dates is just sales and marketing (don't get judgmental; makeup/Spanx/pushup bras are just sales and marketing tools too). Here is a link to one of the best profiles I have ever seen. Back before the internet people used personal ads in newspapers to find dates. This is Gary Halbert's ad: http://www.thegaryha...Personal_Ad.pdf The profile is perfect, it describes him, what he DOESN'T WANT, and then what he wants. Your profile needs to follow the same pattern. A good online dating profile uses direct response marketing principles, but instead of selling a book, you are selling you. Test your profile. Put up different pictures. If one version doesn't work at attracting the people you want to meet, try another. I did three tests versions before I found one that worked well for me.

Women, please don't feel the need to respond to every guy who sends you a note. Online dating is a numbers game. It is a tool to help you get higher quality prospective dates than simple random chance. Be safe. Every state has criminal/court records online. Get to know how to use those tools. Learn to Google someone. It's not creepy, it's just smart. And always insist the first meeting be at a Starbucks during the day (lots of light, lots of exits). Invest 20 minutes in the initial meeting. If there pictures match what you see, then go for a real date.

Another complaint I have heard - everyone is just interested in sex. I don't think that is true, but why is there so much early sex in online dating? Well in my case I am mostly dating people who are divorced. We are used to having sex after going out on a date from our married days, so that makes sense there will be more sex than when we first dated before marriage. The other reason is by the time you actually go out you actually should have gotten to know the other person fairly well online. You get information that would normally take 3 or 4 dates to find out, so physical intimacy seems OK earlier than when you are starting the dating process.

My dating maxims and other unsolicited advise

1) Women (wither they know it or not) always control the pace of a relationship
2) Men will continue to pursue as long as they are interested
3) If they are not pursing, then they are not interested
4) Some element of tension is vital to a growing relationship or it gets flaccid and it keeps everyone on their best behavior
5) It takes six months before all the shields and protections are down to really know someone
6) Biggest danger in online dating -- grass is always greener syndrome. This will keep you from committing to a good person because there may be someone better online.

Enjoy the process. It's not rejection, it's just feedback. It's a numbers game, but be safe, be real and don't be cavalier with people's hearts.

Well we originally met through POF but we were together for a year before and it didn't work. It's very difficult since we are opposite in everything you can imagine. We like none of the same things.

We are trying to do things differently this time. Time will tell but my guess is I'll be back to online dating again. I am just not sure when but I have my doubts this relationship is going to last.

I have three things to add to this lengthy discussion:

1) Finding a new partner is like finding parking spaces at Walmart. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped

2) If you are older, there is a mathematical formula to determine how much younger than you a partner might be. Take half your age and add 7, that age is the youngest person you could hook up with and not be considered a perv!

3) If you consider online dating, always have low expectations then you'll always be happily surprised.

-RC-

My dos:

I always did "meet & greets" .. I didn't consider them real dates - I would say that I didn't date many guys at all but went on dozens of these meet & greets. I always suggest a place for a quick "out" if necessary - coffee shops were my favorite. Believe me ladies (and maybe you men, too!) there might be times where you might need to leave in a hurry (I have a couple of these stories). It is a very shallow visit - nothing more then funny stories, what do you do for a living, etc. to see if there is a desire to go onto a first date. And be honest - if you aren't interested, be polite but be honest and tell them.

Read a person's profile and respond to it like you read it. That's what my fiancee did with mine.

Be honest about your body type. If you are a BBW then list it! My guy was looking for a "BBW" and he set his filter to only look for BBW's. If I would have put "curvy" or "a few extra pounds" we never would have met.

I was only interested in guys who had paid memberships. To me it showed a "commitment" to dating.

We met on Plenty of Fish and are getting married in December

It IS possible to meet a person and have a good relationship from an online dating site.

@@betrthnever - Congrats on this: "That's what my fiancee did"

And I agree with the meet and greets. ALWAYS in a public place, with lots of light and lots of exits.

I'm glad I re-read this thread again. My daughter moved in with me permanently this summer and been re-adjusting and just started using Match again. You know what I forgot to mention about dating - TIME. You have to budget your time for dating. I really had to look at my schedule and figure out how much time I was going to put into meeting people and how much time I would spend dealing with emails and looking at profiles. It's so addicting that I'm putting a timer by my computer so I'll quit.

GUYS - A lady I was having a "meet and greet" with said something very interesting..."Most men become undatable two years after their divorce. They don't have a women to get help them pick out clothes and their hygiene slides..." What this means is:

1) You need to keep your wardrobe current

2) Don't think you can get away with putting on a ball cap and meet the woman of your dreams at Starbucks.

@@OKCPirate

... I don't agree. I assume a man can take care of himself and doesn't need a woman to pick out clothes and remind him of hygiene. I wouldn't want to be with a man who needs help like that! I think its the opposite - more people probably become more "relaxed" once in a relationship. Does this really happen?

On the other side of the coin, I would not consider a man who was just coming out of marriage either...not because of hygiene issues, just emotional ones.

Boy, all these rules. So many rules.

When I first met my husband, he was recently widowed. Much too recently, I thought. Turns out, the amount of time he'd been widowed would have been too soon for ME to fall in love again.

But it wasn't too early for him.

As I said to someone else on this forum today (different thread), none of the rules work 100% of the time. But the following two, taken together, are pretty good:

* Use your best judgment.

* Occasionally, suspend your judgment and be open to "possibilities unimagined."

Here's to everyone who wants love finding true love.

@@VSGAnn2014 - nice

@@betrthnever - It was her observation, and an interesting one, though possibly jaded by too many men on dating web sites who think every women on them is only interested in having sex with them. I took it in the spirit of a challenge to exceed expectations. I do think people should work at dating. Have enough respect for themselves and their date to look presentable, be on time, guys should pay the check, have an open spirit to possibilities and enjoy the company of another human being.

@@VSGAnn2014

I do have to back peddle on what I said at first. There is no "time line" on when people are ready. My fiancee started dating as soon as his divorce papers were signed. Me? I was a reluctant dater!!

And the "suspend judgement" - very true!

@@OKCPirate

Yes - "...have an open spirit to possibilities and enjoy the company of another human being."

True!

My 2 young adults sons have been living with me for over a year... and we have recently enterered into an agreement where they contribute... yeah!

Okay I shall be crass.. I don't feel like I can have a guest in my home....and yet is my home!

I'm glad I re-read this thread again. My daughter moved in with me permanently this summer and been re-adjusting and just started using Match again. You know what I forgot to mention about dating - TIME. You have to budget your time for dating. I really had to look at my schedule and figure out how much time I was going to put into meeting people and how much time I would spend dealing with emails and looking at profiles. It's so addicting that I'm putting a timer by my computer so I'll quit.

@@CowgirlJane - I feel your pain. Believe me.

As I predicted, my relationship has ended and I'm going to be looking online again after I am recovered from my back surgery.

I am sure now is not a good time for me to be meeting someone.

@@Oregondaisy Sorry to hear about this, Daisy!

John Dillinger was asked "why do you rob banks." "Because that's where the money is" was his reply.

Ladies, if you are not having any luck, you might want to try your hand at sites where 90% of the people there are men. You may find the premise of the sites repugnent, but I have found that the "law of large numbers" in marketing is vital. If you are only reaching 100 possible people that is not a big enough pool, you have to reach thousands to find a good possible match.

So with that in mind, based on conversations with very real, and normal women, have now had sucess at non-traditonal dating sites:

Ashley Madison - yep the adultery site has paid off for three single women I know who found single guys. There are singles there. The best part - 90% of the people on the site are men. All the women created profiles letting people know they would not date married people. Downside, you need thick skin to get past the creepy emails. Why does it work? Because there are single guys who are poking around there. It's just going to where the money is.

SugarDaddy.com - What? A site where guys "support" a woman? Is that like prostitution or something? Again 90% of those on the site are men. From what the ladies who I know who used this site said is "most are busy professionals who want companionship, and a relationship, but don't have the time at the moment." If you don't want someone who wants to move in after the second date, this may be a good place to try. Just be truthful in your profile that you don't want financial support, but you are not needy for time either.

For the sake of intellectual honesty, Tinder also has a huge male population, but at my age, I have not heard of anyone having success there, but if you are younger, it might work. I just have no first hand knowledge.

Sometimes you have to try finding a guy through unconventional means. Give it a try let us know how it works.

Edited October 28, 201510 yr by OKCPirate