I don't know how he found out, I really hadn't told many people at work, but I guess people talk. Anyway, it came up in conversation, and he started questioning my motivation, saying that didn't I worry that I was taking that easy way out. That if I just worked hard and stayed disciplined, I could do it all on my own. He made it sound so simple. I could tell he thought he was being positive, but he was being condescending, something he has a reputation for doing.

First of all, it's not so simple. I am well over 200+ lbs over. I have gone past the point of no return. And while I make no excuses for how I got this way, I know it's all on me, and I haven't made the best choices in my past. But I'm at the point where medical intervention is required, and my doctor wholeheartedly agrees (I love her by the way!). And I'm going to do this like I do everything in my life. To the best of my abilities. Despite his opinion, I know this will most certainly not be easy. In fact, I want to it to be hard. It will make it that much more worth it once I reach my goal.

And second. This is life and death, I'm in my mid 30s now, and the clock is ticking. If I keep going on this path, I will not have much time left on this planet. I am not concerned with preserving my honor in his eyes. I have family and friends who are all united in their support of me on this. And he's just some guy we hired last year to do . . .I really don't know what he does.

So for those that say, we're cheating, or taking the easy way out. Kindly direct them to engage in intercourse with themselves. Rant over.

Edited March 4, 201511 yr by Jerr_Bear

So glad I found this chain. My surgery is March 17 and I have only told the husband my older kids and daughter In law.

My husband keeps insisting that I need to tell his kids 18/15 and his mom.

I don't need the grief, none of them have a clue what it's like to fight your whole life with your weight and all the emotional baggage you drag along.

I have told him I don't want to share it- so frustrating.

Thanks for the great ideas my fav lipstick lady- lol ????????

For those of you who actually care about being polite, unlike me, here's a possible answer for you: "well of course I'm taking the easy way, my parents always taught me to work smarter, not harder". Said with a smile, this comes off very nicely.

I understand where you're coming from with this, but it does belittle how hard it actually is. People have misconceptions about WLS being as simple as "oh they staple your stomach so you dont eat as much, that's not as hard as working out and eating right." when actually it totally is but harder, because even the foods that are healthy for you may not agree with you.

This is exactly why I didn't advertise to people that I was having the surgery. I even asked my gossipy mother not to say anything, although she doesn't respect my wishes. This was a very personal decision, and I want to keep the process to myself. My coworkers know because I was out for 2 weeks sick leave, but they are very cool and respectful people. They do cheer me on. I guess I have always been so ashamed of my weight, that I was ashamed of this surgery. Not really the healthiest mindset, but I'm just being honest.

I will say, though, that at 6 weeks out, I'm feeling fantastic and quite proud of myself for making the decision. I had to pay 100% of it myself because my insurance (very good by most standards) would not pay a penny. I wonder if they realize how they fat-shame people by not agreeing it's worthy of insurance funds? Would they rather pay for a heart attack later? That's MUCH more expensive.

All said and done, I'm pleased with the whole process and I agree that naysayers who carp about this being the easy route can go...well, you know.

Ok, there have been so many comments, and truly at the end if the day YOU know it isn't easy, and all you can do is lead by example, via proper eating, exercising, and a mental image of where you were and where you are going, enough said. Live for you, and the rest will follow, and if people dont get it, then they aren't your people. Congratulations on making one of the toughest decisions for yourself.

Isn't it amazing how this subject touches a raw nerve in all of us? When people ask me how I lost all the weight, I tell them, "I had bariatric surgery last June and I haven't had a bite of starch, or any sweets, or any booze, or any soda since then... I live on almost exclusively on small portions of Protein and some green vegetables, I exercise almost every day and I feel great! Thanks for asking..." If you spit that all out quickly enough, nobody dares to say it's "easy".

I told another manager at a manager's meeting and she kind of rolled her eyes and then in a real sarcastic, condescending voice said "hmmm that's interesting. Let me know how THAT goes" I just said well I'll tell you know that it's going GREAT! And I walked off.

I wonder if they realize how they fat-shame people by not agreeing it's worthy of insurance funds?

Fat shaming? I realize I might be one of the only ones, but that's truly a phrase I despise. I have had random people make rude remarks about my size when I was at my biggest, but it was rare. I didn't consider it "fat shaming" any more than I call bullying every time someone says something to me I dislike. Like I said, it's just me, but that phrase is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

That said, insurance companies don't choose to cover or not cover WLS, your EMPLOYER does. It's truly a bum rap that insurance companies take when people take their ire out on them because they can't get the medical procedures they want. ***IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT***

No, I do NOT work in the insurance industry, nor does anyone in my family. I don't have stock or any other investment in insurance and I don't benefit in any way for sticking up for them. It's simply not true.

BCBS VA covered mine 100%. BCBS VA denied my bestie because her company chose a different package. Our old insurance Aetna would only cover 75% five years ago. When our renewal came up, they covered 90%. For some people they cover 100%, for county and state employees in my area they do not cover it at all.

Companies pick insurance packages based on the cost to them. If they choose not to cover WLS, that's on them. Your insurance company will cover anything the package covers. No fat shaming involved.

@@Jerr_Bear - what a great thread you started! Someone told me that having the surgery is a tool (that person who told you it was easy is a tool as well!), Like the bumper guards in bowling- they help you get the ball down the alley, but don't guarantee you a strike. I didn't tell many initially, but 5 months after my sleeve & 76 lbs less, people have noticed. I am much more open now & if they don't agree, who cares? No other way could I have lost this much this fast & feeling so much better. Obesity is complicated- so many factors get us to this point & medical science is still learning about all that contributes to this & how to treat it. This was my time to take care of me!

Edited March 10, 201511 yr by SimplySue

You'll hear that "easy way out" bull a lot. Don't let it bother you. Focus on how wonderful your life will be. Focus on all the things you will be able to do that you can't do now. It's like a rebirth of the person who has been lost in so many ways for so long (I'm talking about me now) Oh and guess what, the closer you get to goal...the less anything negative will bother you!! You don't care because you are just too damn happy & healthy!

This just makes my blood boil…every time I hear something like this! There are so many good strategies and wise replies on this thread…but it’s just never enough to overcome the mean people in this world. All it takes is one of their uninformed comments to make a WLS patient feel ashamed and guilty, and for what? For taking charge of our health, for committing to a lifetime of strict eating so that we actually have a life ahead of us, for following our doctors’ advice.

If there was a way to educate these people, I wish I knew it. Or at least a way to teach them some manners, like minding their own business.

I bet if this guy was at a point in his life where he and his doctor felt surgical intervention was needed in order to lose weight and save his life then he would change his tune.

I'm kinda lucky, my co-workers were supportive and a bit horrified when I explained that they were going to cut most of my stomach, lol.

To people who ask me whom to tell and when to tell, I always advise to tell no one whom you would not give your SSN or bank statement. It seems that Jerr Bear confided in someone who gossiped. Shame on that person.

Someone here suggested a simple reply to the negative comments -- something like "That's nice." That's probably the best way to handle the all-knowing, judgmental bozos, but how many of us can really carry it off?

Now and then I point out that those of us who have surgery do the same that others do: Change our eating patterns, exercise, et al. On top of that we have surgery which is far from magical, so who's taking the easy way? Other times I say somewhat icily, "I requested neither your opinion nor your advice on a personal matter. Your negativity is out of line and I expect to hear no more about it." In any case I respond as I think suits the person and occasion.

Fiddle-dee-dee to all of 'em.

It's your body, your life, your choice and it wasn't even his place to question you. You dont have to defend your decisions to nobodies.

I was reading this thread the other day and realized either I'm lucky that no one has said anything to me about being overweight or about surgery (OK, well, except one Egyptian guy at a cardiology conference who said Americans befuddle him and asked how I could have so many degrees and still be fat. That was weird) or that I've mostly been blissfully oblivious. So I asked my 6 ft 180 lb gorgeous inside and out husband of 25 years if he felt surgery was the easy way out. He said, what are you TALKING about!? He truly had no idea that people think this way.