When a friend isn't supportive.

[ambwolfe 20]

One of my best friends freaked when I told her I was planning on getting a sleeve. She told me it is the "easy" way out. My husband thinks she's just scared that I'll get smaller than her. How have any of you handled unkind "friends"?

[JamieLogical 8,684]

I haven't told many people. Two of my male friends disagreed with my decision, though I wouldn't call them unsupportive. The main thing I do around them now is try not to complain. If I complain about how little/what I can eat or that I'm having trouble getting enough calories or how uncomfortable it is when I'm overfull then I get the "you brought this upon yourself" shtick. So I just try not to talk about my surgery much when I am around them.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

It is not the "easy way out". But it is definitely easier than the yo-yo life we've been leading. Tell her you've made your decision and you'd like her support. But if she is going to criticize your decision, you'll just need to spend some time apart. Sometimes, like any addiction, we need to separate ourselves from those who are toxic to our success.
Good luck to you!!!

[ambwolfe 20]

Thank you so much @@Rogofulm I have to remember its an addiction.

[me redefined 12]

The "easy way out" ha! We are on a new journey and it is not going to be easy but it will be rewarding. We now have to learn a new way of life. I am kust now on my 2week pre-op diet,and I also have a friend who is not outwardly against me in my journey( she is too passive aggressive for that) but only brings up the negative aspects of the surgery. She also puts things in such a way to try to make me feel bad that I've had to "resort" as she puts it to surgery. She would start sentences with "awe ain't it a shame" this or that. Just as we learn what unhealthy foods to avoid, we also need to learn to recognize and avoid unhealthy people as well. Unapologetically! Please do not let anyone who is not positive invade or try to undermine your happiness. Stay strong and positive. Let this person know that you need them in your corner and if they can't be then there's no place for them in your future. Good luck keep up the good work you're going to do great. Enjoy your journey and enjoy becoming the new you healthier you!

[ambwolfe 20]

The "easy way out" ha! We are on a new journey and it is not going to be easy but it will be rewarding. We now have to learn a new way of life. I am kust now on my 2week pre-op diet,and I also have a friend who is not outwardly against me in my journey( she is too passive aggressive for that) but only brings up the negative aspects of the surgery. She also puts things in such a way to try to make me feel bad that I've had to "resort" as she puts it to surgery. She would start sentences with "awe ain't it a shame" this or that. Just as we learn what unhealthy foods to avoid, we also need to learn to recognize and avoid unhealthy people as well. Unapologetically! Please do not let anyone who is not positive invade or try to undermine your happiness. Stay strong and positive. Let this person know that you need them in your corner and if they can't be then there's no place for them in your future. Good luck keep up the good work you're going to do great. Enjoy your journey and enjoy becoming the new you healthier you!

couldn't have put it better myself!

[vsg4missy 19]

Unfortunately we loose friends in this journey of ours. I'm NOT saying this lightly as my best friend of 15+ years and I are a bit distant right now due to the subject. Of my three closet friends she was the one I was worried about telling and I was right to worry. She doesn't ask questions about the process. My other friends wanted to know everything. You do what's right for YOU!!! Us bariatric patients KNOW this is NOT the easy way out! It is hard work! ????????????

[Flygirl123 150]

I posted a familiar topic in Dec about my BFF. I got lots of helpful suggestions from BP. I ended up having a heart to heart conversation with her. She agreed to support my decision. She was afraid for me. Now she is going with me to my last appointment with surgeon. Also, she coming with me & my husband for my surgery. Talk to her, you may be pleasantly surprised:-)

[ambwolfe 20]

Thank you everyone who has given me advice. I'm so glad I found bp. This is going to be a long journey and its so nice knowing there are other people going through the same things.

[Garifab_VSG 122]

Is this friend overweight?

For anyone who posts a thread about someone (or ones) that are not supportive, I'd like to know up front if the people not supporting you are overweight themselves.

[ambwolfe 20]

Yes @@Garifab_VSG she is also overweight.

[DreaDH 12]

It's sometimes very hard for the people around us to accept, especially in the beginning , ANY big change we make because the possibility exists that we will change. I have been very open with my friends and family about my surgery and I got mixed reactions in the beginning . Some people were creeped out at the idea of removing most of my stomach, some people thought I would end up regretting it and some people were just straight up scared about me having an "elective" surgery. I tried to make sure they all understood my reasons for choosing it and every single one has come around now(I'm 3 months out), even my grandmother who was very much against it. Have the discussions, tell them how much you want/need their support and if they really care about you, they will want you to be happy . And if not, then they shouldn't be in your life anyway.

[blashlee 509]

I've found that a lot of people who are against what you're doing are either 1) ignorant to what it is you're actually doing. 2) afraid for you. 3) afraid to "lose" you.

I have a few friends I know I'm going to have to keep my distance from because they are big social eaters and for years I've been their fat friend who's down and willing to go to buffets or get ice cream etc. I have to simply tell them I can't be that friend anymore and if they care for me at all they will understand and respect that. It's dangerous if they don't.