Ok, here I am down from 350 to 197 over 150 gone.. Sizes are amazing when looking at numbers size 12/14 from a 30/32 and medium from a 4x..Off all medication, except vitamins... Why can't I see it? I see just a shrunk up me.. I see rolls lots of them.. I love spanx..if I could I would sleep in them.. Not just for the look but the feel of my body being tight..

My goal weight was 180, I think my bones are made of steel! I am 5'8, turning 38, with 3 c-sections and over weight since I was 12...I am 9 months post-op from WLS.

I keep thinking loving myself the way I did at 350 has really messed up my body vision..what and how should I feel about myself now.. Do I learn to love me how I am, or should I be judging myself hard, so I keep pushing to make more and more changes...but the question is change into what? I mean the damage being over weight created on my body just isn't going away and now I am a super model...I think that is my problem... I want something to compare too and everyone is so different and has different background stories..

I am driving my family nuts when I ask if I am so and so size, or am I as small as her? Does this go away?

I found that I don't see myself accurately in the mirror... it is my co-conspiritor in dismorphia

when I was obese, I didn't see it as bad in the mirror. Photos of myself would shock me - like - how could i be THAT BIG? Now, I am prone to see myself in the mirror as "worse" that i really look. There is something about photos that seem like more factual. I can't deny the reality.

Since I use mirrors to put on makeup and do my hair... it makes me wonder what i REALLY go out of the house looking like...haha

Oh my I have the same thoughts about mirrors.. I have put makeup on and think wow I look good, then take a photo and I do not look like what I saw in the mirror... So I agree photos are it...I have a story about photos.. When I first was losing weight I took a picture of myself and was shocked how thin I looked.. So I asked my son is this what everyone else is seeing? He at first laughed then said yea mom it is a photo if you... Got to love 15 year olds!!

I struggle with this, too. When I was my heaviest, I always hated my mid-section the most. I think I gained there last -- ending up with a pot-belly. Now, even when I look in the mirror, I look at that little bulge just above the belly button, turn sideways, study it -- wish it would go away. I think it's a leftover of a lot of self-hatred and shame. And I argue with myself non-stop about sizes when I'm shopping. Always go in the dressing room with a bigger option than what I know I wear. I hold up my now size 4 jeans and think there is NO way they will fit. And they do. And they're baggy with the last 10 I've lost.

I've been trying to find a counselor to talk with about this. I try positive self-talk and facts. I DO wear a size 4. I DO fit in small tops. My belly is NOT bulging. I am stronger than I was. I can run now when I couldn't before. Those ARE hip bones in the front.

I think it's ok we have these thoughts for a while... mine have gotten better the longer out from surgery I get. I did speak with my psychiatrist who told me it's normal and not to worry too much about it unless you find it interfering with life -- like avoiding social situations because you feel weird, etc.

Hang out here and get support and we'll get through it together.

Naked, my body is more "disheveled" (skin and fat that sags, wrinkles, puddles in lumps) than ever before at this weight.

Hubby has also had health issues recently (diagnosed with cancer, receiving chemo, lost 30 pounds, regained a little back).

So our therapy for the feelings we're having about how we look these days is to take our clothes off and joke and laugh about all our stuff. And then we hug each other and tell each other how much we love each other.

It works pretty good.

So our therapy for the feelings we're having about how we look these days is to take our clothes off and joke and laugh about all our stuff. And then we hug each other and tell each other how much we love each other.

Love it!

I like this thread. I appreciate what the OP was saying. I followed the link to the gratitude article and like that. I am dysmorphic in the backwards sense too - while I've struggled with weight my whole life, I was never actually much overweight until I ruptured a disk in my back. In my head i m always a size 12. So photos are always a shock.

I think I may always have a weird relationship with food but being a lot older now than I used to be (or ever thought I'd be- I always think of myself as 37 for reasons known to absolutely no one) I really am trying to focus on the health gains and less on the clothes size. I have a wing span of six feet. I'm never gonna be small (except for my strangely narrow feet). But I am gonna be healthy and I'm gonna ski and camp and hike and garden. I am grateful for all these points of view and shared fears and victories big and small from this interesting community of people.

I got a reality check this weekend.. I was trying on clothing and wasn't happy about the fit and started complaining to my 14 year old daughter and she was "like really mom! You're not going to become like oh I am so fat! Stop complaining you're a size 12/14... You are smaller than a lot of woman." Then I look at my 14 year old daughter who is sitting there a 6ft tall, a size 18 thought how upsetting..to hear me complain about size when she has such a hard time fitting in... Oh worst mom moment ever!!!

Going to find contentment, so I can model contentment and self love...

Ok I took everyone's advice and started looking at photos.. Thought I would share...my heaviest 350... Surgery day 4/28/14 305 and current 197.

Ok I took everyone's advice and started looking at photos.. Thought I would share...my heaviest 350... Surgery day 4/28/14 305 and current 197.

ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1424349655.395541.jpg

ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1424349701.728783.jpg

beautiful!!!

teacherlady2133, on 19 Feb 2015 - 07:42, said:

[ Ok I took everyone's advice and started looking at photos.. Thought I would share...my heaviest 350... Surgery day 4/28/14 305 and current 197. ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1424349655.395541.jpg

ImageUploadedByBariatricPal1424349701.728783.jpg ]

OMG......one of the most dramatic changes ever. You look fantastic.

This is where I would usually say, "I can only imagine how you feel" ...... but this time, I really do know how you feel..........Congrats on your new life.

Edited February 19, 201511 yr by Recycled

I got a reality check this weekend.. I was trying on clothing and wasn't happy about the fit and started complaining to my 14 year old daughter and she was "like really mom! You're not going to become like oh I am so fat! Stop complaining you're a size 12/14... You are smaller than a lot of woman." Then I look at my 14 year old daughter who is sitting there a 6ft tall, a size 18 thought how upsetting..to hear me complain about size when she has such a hard time fitting in... Oh worst mom moment ever!!!

Going to find contentment, so I can model contentment and self love...

I have also been guilty of that. Try not to feel too bad. I think we are all different in sizes and our personal goals. I also have a 6 foot daughter, and we are just different shape, size, composition, everything. Having said that , though, it does quickly remind us how difficult it is to be an overweight girl, and we sure don't want to make it any harder for them!

Ok I took everyone's advice and started looking at photos.. Thought I would share...my heaviest 350... Surgery day 4/28/14 305 and current 197.

and you look great! I agree, time to find contentment!

Thank you all for the comments.. Pictures do speak a thousand words..

I am SOOOOO glad I seen your post today! Im going thru these emotions, feelings, overwhelmed here the past month an its mounting up . gotta get this sorted out in my head! going to take some pics today an visualize I need to "see" also. Im struggling with the changes I see in my head. thank you for posting! an someone else posted a link I am going to look there also!! thanks everyone!

@@teacherlady2133 WOW!!! A lot of times we say "you look like a different person" but you HONESTLY look like a new woman! I bet people who haven't seen you in a while don't recognize you. And you retained boobs!!! How wonderful!!! I didn't have them to start with and I certainly didn't keep anything there.

Great job! Revel in how far you've already come.

Thank you for the lovely comments... Yes I do still have my boobs.. They are smaller, but guess I should be thankful for them too! People do not recognize me either.. Even my own husband has walked by me in the store.. It is funny how others see you... Or don't see you..

I am happy anytime a post can help others.. I have been encouraged by so many others on this site too... Knowing you are not alone in feelings and thoughts helps me feel normal..