I have only told a couple of my close friends so far. Anyone feel kinda like a "cheater" or somewhat feeling less manly when you have to explain to someone new or a girl or even or friends? I I feel like dinner dates would be awkward as i know ill have to take 30 mins just to eat a a lot less than her. I'm only 6 days out of surgery so I haven't had much of a social life just wondering what its like to tell strangers? because i fell like its already going to be hard telling friends.

I haven't found it hard at all. I've gotten good support and lots of curiosity about what it's like, etc.

I don't feel as though I'm a cheater at all. I took the steps necessary to effectively get rid of weight that would take 10 years off my life. My husband and kids will benefit greatly. If someone has a problem with it, that's their problem. I really don't care.

As far as eating, I cut everything up into little pieces and eat very slowly. Since everyone else eats more quickly, but a higher volume, we're usually done at the same time. No problem at all for me.

Plus, why would how you lost weight be an issue? They're going to see a hot guy across from them.

Edited January 12, 201511 yr by BeagleLover

As a single woman who dates, how about having dates being something other than dinner?? I am sure it is because I am working hard to maintain my massive weight loss, but I sure prefer hikes, kayak paddles around the lake, or other fun active things over a regular meal.

I know I am the minority on this one - but I also think that waiting until you are more rock solid on your new lifestyle post WLS to really get into dating is a good idea. Dating can be fattening!

yeah i am going to wait until i can hit the gym before i even start thinking about dating. I was just using that as an example of how it might be embarrassing at times and I was curious how people have handled it

This being the guy’s room, I think a dinner date will be comical. A girl would never allow herself to eat more than her date. Be polite and let her order first. Then just order the smallest healthiest thing on the menu and watch her push the food around the plate all evening. Feed her lots of drinks. Then invite her over and show off your newly found endurance. When she cries uncle and asks if you took Viagra you can smile to yourself.

Telling people at first was very hard and very private. I am now 19 months out and when asked what I did I just tell them the truth. I admit that I have a moments pause gather my courage and tell the truth. I have done a fantastic job and irregardless of how I did it.........I did it! I haven't gotten a negative response yet. Going out for dinner with someone who is paying the bill be it a date or a family member I am just very carefully about what I order and do my best. I was very concerned about this at first but as time goes on you can eat more. Give yourself some time and it will get easier. Just make wise choices and ditch the potato for another veggie side and pace yourself. It will be fine. Best of luck to you!

I apologize if I posted in the guys room..even now from my phone I can't tell what forum this is....grrr

I don't understand the feeling of "cheating" because you had weight loss surgery. Is having surgery for any other medical problem cheating? Is calling a plumber when you have a plumbing issue cheating? Is taking your car to a mechanic instead of fixing it yourself cheating? Is shopping at a grocery store instead of growing and raising your own food cheating? I'm pretty sure I could go on here, but you get the point.

"Hey Bob, my appendix were about to rupture, so I cheated and had them removed." Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

If someone thinks you are a cheater for taking care of a medical issue, they are probably not someone you need in your life anyway. Screw em.

@@SuperDave cheater.... you go shopping for food at the grocery store? ugh... lol. good points. I tell no one because I don't have the patience or time to explain everything to people.

I pretty much tell anyone who asks.. The only people I don't tell are waitresses at restaurants.. When they give me that "Was it ok" look I just say it was too much..

But everyone else knows, and I think that's because I'm surrounded by a ton of people who could benefit from the surgery so I want to help motivate them that its a positive change and nothing to be ashamed of.

Luckily for me, my wife had the surgery 6 months before me, so I don't have to worry about telling the girlies.. We are also now the cheapest date out there as we get so share a single meal and 2 waters..

Waitresses always seemed like the most awkward to me at first. They often act (understandably so) like you thought something was wrong with the meal.

I never have a problem telling anyone...most people who ask are more curious than anything else, and they start asking questions as if they are interested in getting the surgery themselves. I cringe when someone mentions the word 'cheating'...first, I didn't realize this was a competition, and second, I think the only thing I've cheated is I've cheated DEATH!! As far as restaurants, they are usually relieved when I tell them the truth, and then they always offer to pack up what I don't/can't finish.

I tell and will tell openly. I just had it done 2 weeks ago and it's already gotten me a date. And she asked me out. I was introduced to a couple friends of friends at a pub where I was drinking tea while my friend and others had beer and burgers. Of course one of the women asked if I wanted a bite of hers and I told her I had the surgery. They all became fascinated and amazed at my progress and journey. And one by one everyone at my table started talking about their food struggles and past addiction issues. I was not looked down upon for having the surgery but as a hero for conquering my foe. And at the end one women asked if I wanted to catch a movie or go on a hike with her. I said yes. That's more interest in me that I've had from a women in a couple years. I felt like a rockstar, and no way would that have happened if I kept my mouth shut.

Edited February 2, 201511 yr by Eli Alexander

I am pre-op and have had to tell my boss at work due to needing the time off. Being in a building of 99% women it was around my floor within minutes and no doubt the building by tomorrow. I'm not ashamed of what I'm doing but feel a bit like an exhibit now, like the popcorn is being passed around while the story unfolds!

Ultimately they are just people at work, and I can ignore any negative vibes, however I haven't told too many people closer to me, i.e. parents/friends. Being more familiar they would be much more open in their views both positive and negative, and my mind is already whirling with my own thoughts without adding more confusion. The only people who know the full story are the wife and kids.

I found it hard. But when I did tell people were supportive. My bf and I started dating a few months after my band in 2012. I didn't want to tell him but obviously I had too. He was relieved. He said he was starting to think I had an waring disorder because I'd hardly eat anything and was always getting up and running to the restroom half way through meal (I was always throwing up with band). He was so supportive of my conversion to sleeve. Still only a few people know.

I agree about dates not being over dinner. You'll find woman will like more active dates rather than over food.