About a year and two months ago I was perusing the card section in a local shop and I came across one that read “Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself” and I almost started to cry. I was at that point in my life where lots of people find themselves- I was morbidly obese, had a job I didn’t really life, a couple of guys who were hanger-on-ers and not really all that into me, a bunch of friends that felt like they were drains on me, and basically a life that didn’t feel like my own.

I had made a promise to myself when I turned 30- that this was going to be MY year. I was going to turn myself around. I was going to loose 50 pounds before my 31st Birthday. At 6 months from my 31th Birthday I had gained 10 more pounds. After reading that card, I decided I needed help and had to do “something”.

I was terrified of the bypass, but more terrified of continuing to live as I was. In the back of my mind I remembered seeing on the news an alternative procedure that didn’t involve cutting anything up. So, I started researching. And I found the band.

Immediately I knew I wanted it. Needed it. Couldn’t live without it. I researched and researched and started posting those “newbie” questions that we old timers now can find a little annoying until we remember we asked them too. I got lots of positive feedback from people online. Then I decided to talk to my family. I was so scared but I knew two things- one, that I was going to have the surgery regardless of how they felt about it, and two, that I really wanted them to be supportive. And they were and have been. I’m very very lucky.

So, to get to the good part- I found a surgeon I wanted to do my surgery, and was offered participation in the FDA trial for the Swedish Band. From the time initial call to the surgeon’s office to attend one of the seminars, and the day of surgery was about three weeks. Again, I am very lucky.

It was one year ago that I had my band placed. As much as it is a cliché, it really was the day that changed, and saved, my life.

I’m a slow looser…and that’s ok with me now. At first I spent a lot of time and energy negatively comparing myself to other bandsters. I’d spent my whole life comparing myself to other people- am I the fattest in the room? Am I fatter or skinnier than her? Do I dress like that? Does my butt look like that?

I had a tough time in the beginning emotionally. Physically I healed quickly with little or no pain and no complications. Emotionally I was a mess. I stopped calling my friends, I stopped working very hard for my clients, and I retreated and withdrew from my family. I felt so different inside. Yet I still looked the same on the outside. I wasn’t loosing any weight, yet my eating was restricted. I couldn’t use food to get me through the emotional upheaval I was going through. I was so lost.

Then one day I walked into my bathroom where that card is framed on the wall and thought- why am I waiting for the band to change my life? Why do I wait for other people or events to change my life? Why don’t *I* change my life?

I suppose it was about 4 months after surgery that I started to feel like myself again. Only this was a new “myself” that I didn’t recognize. I went to my therapist and she helped, although not having a weight problem led me to teach her more than her teach me. But she did help me in so many ways.

I started to stick up for myself. I felt worthy of being treated well for the first time since I was a little girl. I had a long and authentic conversation with my biggest client and told them if they didn’t start listening to me and my advice I was going to walk away. WHAT? I said that???? And it worked. They respected me in a whole new way.

I told the guys in my life that showed up once and awhile that I was done with them. I told my friends that I was no longer in the friend-therapist business and that they needed to support me and be my friend. I lost some friends this way…but then they weren’t friends.

I started to like myself. To feel confident and assured in a way I only remember feeling as a little girl.

The biggest change is that I stopped trying to fix everyone else and started to fix myself.

And it’s not like I’ve lost a ton of weight and found this new me. I’ve lost about 1 pound a week. I’m down -51 pounds as of this morning.

I can’t begin to list everything that has changed in my life- but I want to hit some highlights. Especially to help those just starting the process or who are slow losers too.

I can now run up and down the stairs. I can play with my dogs and chase after them. I can fit into the ‘regular” plus size clothes again. I can wear necklaces because I have a new neck. I can get in and out of cars without needing to grab onto something. I can fit in a movie seat without spilling onto my poor sister. I bought a little SUV with four wheel drive so that I never have to feel like I only have to take the regular road. I can create my own if I want! I am so much more compassionate of other obese people- I think not comparing myself to them and making them the opposition changed how I treat them. I volunteer more. I go out dancing. I get hit on by men. The door is opened for me. People meet my eyes. I get smiled at by strangers. I eat fruits and veggies and whole grains. My skin has improved. I have a little glow about me. I wake up in the morning so excited to see what is going to happen that day I can barely stand it. I laugh even when I’m alone. I no longer feel the weight of loneliness at the end of the day. Now I take the dogs for a walk and giggle at their silliness. I read a book or listen to a new CD. I take care of myself now. I like myself now.

I have a long way to go to get to my weight goal. But I am very, very close to my other goals of creating a new life for myself. Having the band literally saved me-emotionally and physically.

Megan

Hi Magen,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. I think you are doing a wonderful job re-inventing your life and your words motivate me to take a closer look at my own. I can see myself so clearly in your story and over the last few months it has become very clear that I have so much emotional baggage to deal with along with the physical changes that my band is helping me make.

Your before and after pictures show a beautiful person finding a more peaceful happy self. Congratulations on your progress and here is to another year of more good fortune.

Keep up the great work!

WOW megan!!! you look great!!! thanks for sharing your story! i think we have all been there in one way or another!

michelle

Megan

great post - you are truly an inspiration. My lossses have come in spurts fueled but emotional upheavals in my life. They are slow but consistent. 1 lb per week I think working on a whole new you is difficult. I had my surgery 19 months ago have lost 74 lbs still have 50 lbs to go - during which i got divorrced lost both my mother and grandmother so much of me is lost and i feel myself struggling to try to regain me or rebuild a new me i really dont know which but the fact that i am not alone and that i am trying i think counts for something - thanks for sharing your story ! :wink2:

Amazing post, Megan! Congrats on your anniversary, and a very successful year!

I loved this! Isn't it funny how sometimes we can completely forget that We are important too? You can so easily lose yourself trying to fix everyone's problems around you. Kudos to you for finding YOU and finding out how important You are!!

Well Done...:smile:

Traci

*starting weight - 253 lbs

*goal weight - 135 lbs

*banded Feb. 2009

*lost so far - 75 lbs

* 43 lbs to go *