About a year and two months ago I was perusing the card section in a local shop and I came across one that read “Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself” and I almost started to cry. I was at that point in my life where lots of people find themselves- I was morbidly obese, had a job I didn’t really life, a couple of guys who were hanger-on-ers and not really all that into me, a bunch of friends that felt like they were drains on me, and basically a life that didn’t feel like my own.

I had made a promise to myself when I turned 30- that this was going to be MY year. I was going to turn myself around. I was going to loose 50 pounds before my 31st Birthday. At 6 months from my 31th Birthday I had gained 10 more pounds. After reading that card, I decided I needed help and had to do “something”.

I was terrified of the bypass, but more terrified of continuing to live as I was. In the back of my mind I remembered seeing on the news an alternative procedure that didn’t involve cutting anything up. So, I started researching. And I found the band.

Immediately I knew I wanted it. Needed it. Couldn’t live without it. I researched and researched and started posting those “newbie” questions that we old timers now can find a little annoying until we remember we asked them too. I got lots of positive feedback from people online. Then I decided to talk to my family. I was so scared but I knew two things- one, that I was going to have the surgery regardless of how they felt about it, and two, that I really wanted them to be supportive. And they were and have been. I’m very very lucky.

So, to get to the good part- I found a surgeon I wanted to do my surgery, and was offered participation in the FDA trial for the Swedish Band. From the time initial call to the surgeon’s office to attend one of the seminars, and the day of surgery was about three weeks. Again, I am very lucky.

It was one year ago that I had my band placed. As much as it is a cliché, it really was the day that changed, and saved, my life.

I’m a slow looser…and that’s ok with me now. At first I spent a lot of time and energy negatively comparing myself to other bandsters. I’d spent my whole life comparing myself to other people- am I the fattest in the room? Am I fatter or skinnier than her? Do I dress like that? Does my butt look like that?

I had a tough time in the beginning emotionally. Physically I healed quickly with little or no pain and no complications. Emotionally I was a mess. I stopped calling my friends, I stopped working very hard for my clients, and I retreated and withdrew from my family. I felt so different inside. Yet I still looked the same on the outside. I wasn’t loosing any weight, yet my eating was restricted. I couldn’t use food to get me through the emotional upheaval I was going through. I was so lost.

Then one day I walked into my bathroom where that card is framed on the wall and thought- why am I waiting for the band to change my life? Why do I wait for other people or events to change my life? Why don’t *I* change my life?

I suppose it was about 4 months after surgery that I started to feel like myself again. Only this was a new “myself” that I didn’t recognize. I went to my therapist and she helped, although not having a weight problem led me to teach her more than her teach me. But she did help me in so many ways.

I started to stick up for myself. I felt worthy of being treated well for the first time since I was a little girl. I had a long and authentic conversation with my biggest client and told them if they didn’t start listening to me and my advice I was going to walk away. WHAT? I said that???? And it worked. They respected me in a whole new way.

I told the guys in my life that showed up once and awhile that I was done with them. I told my friends that I was no longer in the friend-therapist business and that they needed to support me and be my friend. I lost some friends this way…but then they weren’t friends.

I started to like myself. To feel confident and assured in a way I only remember feeling as a little girl.

The biggest change is that I stopped trying to fix everyone else and started to fix myself.

And it’s not like I’ve lost a ton of weight and found this new me. I’ve lost about 1 pound a week. I’m down -51 pounds as of this morning.

I can’t begin to list everything that has changed in my life- but I want to hit some highlights. Especially to help those just starting the process or who are slow losers too.

I can now run up and down the stairs. I can play with my dogs and chase after them. I can fit into the ‘regular” plus size clothes again. I can wear necklaces because I have a new neck. I can get in and out of cars without needing to grab onto something. I can fit in a movie seat without spilling onto my poor sister. I bought a little SUV with four wheel drive so that I never have to feel like I only have to take the regular road. I can create my own if I want! I am so much more compassionate of other obese people- I think not comparing myself to them and making them the opposition changed how I treat them. I volunteer more. I go out dancing. I get hit on by men. The door is opened for me. People meet my eyes. I get smiled at by strangers. I eat fruits and veggies and whole grains. My skin has improved. I have a little glow about me. I wake up in the morning so excited to see what is going to happen that day I can barely stand it. I laugh even when I’m alone. I no longer feel the weight of loneliness at the end of the day. Now I take the dogs for a walk and giggle at their silliness. I read a book or listen to a new CD. I take care of myself now. I like myself now.

I have a long way to go to get to my weight goal. But I am very, very close to my other goals of creating a new life for myself. Having the band literally saved me-emotionally and physically.

Megan

Megan,

That was wonderful to read! You have done great this past year and I don't think you should think any less of yourself for being a slow loser. I have always heard that is the best way to lose anyway. You can tell an obvious diference between the pictures and must say you are looking fabulous darling! It was so nice to have met you last weekend and I really miss you all already. Can't wait till next year. Keep thinking positively girl! Teresa

Good job, Megan

I am impressed, I know you will achieve what you want in life with that attitude. Thanks for sharing this wonderful story....

I too have been a slow loser. 55 was my 1 yr weight loss too, but that is 55 I sure wouldn't have lost without this band.

Megan, I am so proud of you! You are such a beautiful spirit and it just shines right through! I am so blessed to have met you in person and saw firsthand that beautiful smile and flashing eyes that say so much about who you have become. Isn't it wonderful to be glad you're among the living? :cool: Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts with us. Congratulations on an awesome year!

Megan, you have done amazing, not only physically, but maybe even more importantly, emotionally! You now sound like a very secure, stable, happy, healthy, on-top-of-the-world kind of gal. The kind of woman who can't help catching other people's eye, because you sparkle! And people are drawn to that type of person. They want to be like that. You have taken charge of a life that you felt you had no control over and turned it completely around. You're like a beautiful phoenix rising from the ashes!

I think your slow and steady weight loss is one reason you look so beautiful. You lost slow enough that everything is in sync. Your face and chin are perfectly proportioned, not sagging as from rapid weight loss. You're honest enough to have faced the emotional demons when they came knocking on your heart. And now, you've faced all the different and difficult facets that make up our lives - physically and emotionally.

Learning to stick up for yourself, that's a tough one I'm still working on - every day. But listening to your story, I can see it is definitely worth it! Respect, isn't that all any of us truly want? Respect, not ridicule! And you stopped trying to fix everyone else and started to fix yourself! Now that's a full lesson all in itself!

Your list of NSVs is amazing. But throughout your wonderful transformation, you've maintained your compassion for others, and a zest for life (that had been submerged so deeply, it probably scared you half to death when it started emerging! You may have lost some so-called friends, but it sounds like you found your very best one - YOURSELF!

Congratulations for a fantastic job and thank you so much for sharing your story with others who can truly understand where you are coming from and anxiously await going where you are now!

Meagan,

Truly inspirational!

I can relate to alot of what you said, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

Congratulations on the weight loss (you look fantastic) and the positive emotional gain!

Tricia

THANKS FOR SHARING AND, i BELIEVE, REMINDING US OF WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. I too have not gotten into the slow losing phase yet, but I am sure it will hit me one day. I will use your post for inspiration when I do.:cool:

Gosh, thanks everyone for your kind words. This board is really, really special. What a safe and warm place in a not so warm electronic environment. I very much appreciate all of the words of congratulations and encouragement. You are all the best!

Megan

Megan,

You have done so well. Just so you know, you fall into the norm for weight loss with the band. Expected losses are 50-100 pounds the first year, so give yourself a big pat on the back and a hug from me. You looked so happy in Vegas and that is what this journey is about. I wish that I had more time to talk with you when I was there. Congratulations on your bandiversary!!!!

Babs in TX

334/194/170

-140

What a wonderful post, Megan! Thank you so much for sharing your story, and your pictures. Those missing 51 pounds make a big difference in the new Megan you're creating! And thanks, Bright, for posting the photos side by side so that we can really see the difference.

Megan -

I love, love, love your post. You are one of those beautiful spirits that shines like a homing beacon to others. I'm so glad to have met you - even though we only had a brief chance to talk, it truly was like I recognized you as an old friend.

I am so very proud of you and how you have conducted your journey.

Wishing you continued success, peace, love, and joy in your precious life.

WOW! You sound like one Insightful, Inspirational and Intelligent woman. All the stuff that role models are made of! Thank you for sharing with us. I hope to meet you in person one day!

Thank you for your inspiring story, Megan. I appreciate that you are willing to share these personal feelings with others, in hopes that it might help. It does! You are beautiful, inside and out.

Everybody, do check out Jodie's page at http://www.geocities.com/jumpineddy25/. It's a wonderfully candid story told from the heart. She might be miles across the Pacific, but she's on the same journey as the rest of us.

What a pretty girl you are and so inspirational... I loved your post. I am a med losser, but I think the journey must be our own. I always am reminded of one of my ww meeting before the banding when I would be discouraged my counslor would say look you've lost xx amount and I would say "yes but I though it would be more by now" and she would say but you could have gained that instead. You have made a move in a very positive direction and I am glad that you see it and inspire us all with your journey!

thank you , as i read your story, i had so many of those problems and ques. that it was hard to talk to any one about, yours is such an inspiration. and it helps so much, and take away, alot of the worries, for me personally, to think that alot of us have the same questions and fears, to explore still, you really look so good and so young, at that, thank you again,i'm still malling your letter over...