So, I'm not going through the thinking phase - oh boy where do I start?!

First off - I'm going for surgery 6 weeks sooner than originally planned. I was excited to get it done after the holidays because it meant I wouldn't have the issues or discomfort of sitting at holiday dinner with my big Italian family. I will be on liquid. There goes the antipasta, lasagna, and ham. AND! My birthday is 4 weeks after surgery! The lifestyle of drinks with my friends, Red Lobster as a birthday dinner, and some awesome flavored cake is done-zo.

But this is stupid little things that I know I'll get over and beyond all doubt get through. I have faith I can make it through the insanity.

I am worried about my relationship though. He didn't like the idea of the surgery in the beginning.... or even 2 years ago when I was first contemplating it. (Just a little background : my fiance is a chubby chaser, as were all of my exes). I'm afraid that no matter what he says, and though his fears were that I would be the one to leave him, that he will lose attraction once I start losing mass amounts of meat from my bones. With all that I have put aside for him, and the bs I've sucked up and dealt with, and all of the things I've looked past for him - I don't think he'll have that ability to just accept my weight loss. And I fear my ultra confidence and new vanity will give me that slight boost I was looking for to leave. \

I have read a few people say they see people get these surgeries for vanity reasons that they won't admit to. I was actually fine with living how I was and looking how I do. I enjoy my curves. I knew I only attracted guys with BBW fetishes. But I was all good. I was happy. I knew I could and did get guys. But then I had my beautiful little girl. For her, I want Mommy to be healthy, and able to run after her, and pick her up without back pain, and be around for decades to come without some sort of mortal complication. So it's not always vanity - but I know I will look damn amazing, even if not attracting the same guys. Which I'm fine with. As long as I can spend eternity with my pride and joy.

You're going to have to get used to a new way of eating after surgery, so maybe tackling it head on through the holidays is the right thing for you. I've made it through parties, buffets and "eatin' meetins'" at church just fine. I'll be going with friends to a Thanksgiving buffet and I know I'll just eat tiny portions and be fine with it. And because I eat so slowly, I'll finish my little portions about the same time they are kicking back, unbuckling belts and complaining about how full they feel!

Regarding the relationship, listen to your heart. If you feel like it's worth fighting for, try to get into some counseling. If not, get out soon. There's no good in dragging out a relationship you know is not worth it in the long run. Cut your losses quickly. Our "spidey-senses" tingle for a reason -- listen to them!

Wow, @@Shell88! For some reason your post really touched me. It sounds like you've got all the right tools to be really successful in your weight loss journey! I agree that the BF will go, either sooner or later, so you may as well be the one to do the deed instead of waiting for him to reject you. Hopefully the new, healthy, confident you will attract the right kind of person who will love you for your inside, not your outside. Okay, let's talk about the holidays... I was sleeved in late June and I have to tell you that if your head is screwed on right, you won't have any trouble dealing with social events. For example, just this weekend I attended 4 major eating events in two days! I ate my meal right before I went, and brought along Protein shakes in case of a hunger emergency. I also brought my own drink along -- a huge tumbler of Crystal Light decaf iced tea. Pre-planning is the key to success at eating events! Don't let yourself be hungry going in, and have your emergency backup food available. In my case, my backup food is often beef Jerky. Not too many calories, tons of protein, and lots of chewing. A 3-oz bag will get me through anything! At the holiday parties, I think you'll discover that the positive feedback you'll get for making good choices will more than outweigh the satisfaction of just another yummy feast. I mean, how many of those have we all had? Thousands, right? But how many times have we felt really good about our food choices? Precious few. The new you will love that. Oh -- and if you're having sleeve surgery, the lack of the Ghrelin hunger hormone will make passing up the food much easier! You may not even care that your'e not eating it. Good luck on your journey!

As the single mother of a beautiful little girl, I applaud you for making the decision to be there for your daughter. To be healthy. To be an active part of her life. To be a positive role model. All of these things I wanted for my daughter when I decided to have my surgery. As for your relationship...You are probably correct in assuming it won't last. While I was never a full advocate of BBW ( I didn't actually LIKE being obese) I did understand the lifestyle. I did have men physically attracted to my size, but at the same time they didn't ask me out. ( they basically just wanted the physical) I tried to convey a positive attitude, but in my heart I wasn't happy. But now, 100lbs down I can tell you this. I look at large women and sort of feel sorry. I don't want to judge, not my intent. But I can put myself in their shoes and I remember how it felt. I never understood what anyone saw in me when I was obese ( as I was never attracted to big men) and I still have no idea what the attraction is. But I am on a tangent here...My thought was basically this. If the relationship is based on attraction more than anything else, and he is no longer going to be attracted because you lose weight, then it will probably end. I think that is the best thing because it should be about something so much deeper than the outside, physical beauty. You deserve to be loved for the person you are, not the body that carries you. I am glad you love yourself ( and your daughter) enough to make the change that will lead to a long and healthy life.

As for the food you are giving up...After your surgery will be easy anyway. As you heal you won't want all that junk. Concentrate on other holiday traditions that do not revolve around food. Enjoy the fun and try to forget the food. Word of advice...work hard during this time ( "honeymoon" period) to get your perspective in check. I mourned food too. I got by on the thought " someday I can have again.." I wish I had never gone down that road as it is a very slippery slope. Yes, once day you will be able to eat a bit more, tolerate things you may not right after surgery. What I would not give to rewind the clock and check my food obsession while I still had the extreme restriction post op. Now I struggle. I know good choices from bad, it is mental. I encourage you to get a lot of support in this area. If you are already thinking about what you are giving up you may struggle later on.

Good luck. I wish you much success. I hope you have many years of health and happiness to spend with your pride and joy!

@@Roo101769 - Thank you. It's so great coming to this site and seeing people who truly just get it! I have always disliked the term BBW because it was always associated with such negativity. I understand fully what you mean about the only into the physical but wouldn't actually ask you out. It's fine behind closed doors- but we're an embarrassment out in public...

I commend you for being a single mom. It's tough. I feel like I'm doing it now anyway. There's a lot that goes into it, on top of trying to make a living to keep you both surviving. You've done amazing thus far - I hope I can follow suit!

@@Rogofulm - 82 lbs since June?! You are amazing! Hat's off to you sir!

I enjoy the advice and tips and tricks for the eating events ... I will definitely be trying that all out this holiday season.

@@CowgirlJane - I find you to be an amazing role model. Before my information session in September, it was you who told me to rethink the lap band surgery and why. I'm glad I went into that session with a newly opened mind because I am now going for the gastric sleeve and not looking back! I actually mentioned you recently to a family member as to how inspiring you are and how many great things I've noticed you do now - including the dance lessons! It's because of you I know that there is definitely a whole new life at the end of this tunnel.... the surgery will only be the beginning

@@Stevehud - that is exactly what I fear.. Not for my own self - but I don't want her to ever be embarrassed or want to hide me.

Edited November 4, 201411 yr by Shell88

@@Jonathan Blue - you are awesome!!! I read that post in your blog and it honestly did inspire some presurgery ideas. I also find it astonishing that you lost a whopping 200+lbs in a year!!! This makes me very excited for my own surgery and my own continued journey -- thank you for that

These are legitimate issues to be working on. I think you'll find as the weight comes off, the "real" you will be revealed. This might be someone who will stay in the relationship, or it might be someone who decides you need someone else (or even to be alone for awhile).

It's natural to fret, but trust me, the right path for you relationshipwise will make itself known in its own time. And it will be crystal clear.

<3 You've made this decision for all the right reasons, and more.

I may not know you, but you've made me proud with your realizations.

@@chylamarie thank you :-) it's nice to know there are people proud of me, whether they know me or not.... i think we're all doing such amazing things for ourselves and the ones we love

@@Shell88 - When is your surgery? Soon? You sound like you have your head in the right place and your priorities in the right order. Good for you!!

My surgery is tomorrow and I've thought a lot over the past four months how life will be for me without food having such a focus. Somewhere along the way someone said "what is your relationship with food?" and that question really threw me. It seemed "relationship" should be a word to describe how I interact with my children, my family, my best friends, my husband - not a cheeseburger! That was an "ah ha" moment for me - I don't have a "relationship" with something inanimate. I might enjoy the taste or the full feeling in my tummy, but it isn't my best friend, pizza doesn't have my back when I need it to. ice cream doesn't let me cry on its shoulder or give me a hug, and Cookies don't laugh with me till my sides hurt. Only PEOPLE do those things. Food is fuel. Events that are centered around food are really special events centered around special people and the food is just something to do while we enjoy each other!

@@ready2B you couldn't be more right! food isn't our enemy, a friend - just not a person! I wish you all the best with your surgery tomorrow.... it must be incredibly exciting..... I know I am counting down the days!!!!

My surgery is Dec 11th - 1 month, 2 days away :-)

@@Shell88 - When is your surgery? Soon? You sound like you have your head in the right place and your priorities in the right order. Good for you!!

My surgery is tomorrow and I've thought a lot over the past four months how life will be for me without food having such a focus. Somewhere along the way someone said "what is your relationship with food?" and that question really threw me. It seemed "relationship" should be a word to describe how I interact with my children, my family, my best friends, my husband - not a cheeseburger! That was an "ah ha" moment for me - I don't have a "relationship" with something inanimate. I might enjoy the taste or the full feeling in my tummy, but it isn't my best friend, pizza doesn't have my back when I need it to. ice cream doesn't let me cry on its shoulder or give me a hug, and Cookies don't laugh with me till my sides hurt. Only PEOPLE do those things. Food is fuel. Events that are centered around food are really special events centered around special people and the food is just something to do while we enjoy each other!

What a great philosophy!!! Good luck with your surgery, and it sounds like you're going to really enjoy your journey!