So, I'm not going through the thinking phase - oh boy where do I start?!

First off - I'm going for surgery 6 weeks sooner than originally planned. I was excited to get it done after the holidays because it meant I wouldn't have the issues or discomfort of sitting at holiday dinner with my big Italian family. I will be on liquid. There goes the antipasta, lasagna, and ham. AND! My birthday is 4 weeks after surgery! The lifestyle of drinks with my friends, Red Lobster as a birthday dinner, and some awesome flavored cake is done-zo.

But this is stupid little things that I know I'll get over and beyond all doubt get through. I have faith I can make it through the insanity.

I am worried about my relationship though. He didn't like the idea of the surgery in the beginning.... or even 2 years ago when I was first contemplating it. (Just a little background : my fiance is a chubby chaser, as were all of my exes). I'm afraid that no matter what he says, and though his fears were that I would be the one to leave him, that he will lose attraction once I start losing mass amounts of meat from my bones. With all that I have put aside for him, and the bs I've sucked up and dealt with, and all of the things I've looked past for him - I don't think he'll have that ability to just accept my weight loss. And I fear my ultra confidence and new vanity will give me that slight boost I was looking for to leave. \

I have read a few people say they see people get these surgeries for vanity reasons that they won't admit to. I was actually fine with living how I was and looking how I do. I enjoy my curves. I knew I only attracted guys with BBW fetishes. But I was all good. I was happy. I knew I could and did get guys. But then I had my beautiful little girl. For her, I want Mommy to be healthy, and able to run after her, and pick her up without back pain, and be around for decades to come without some sort of mortal complication. So it's not always vanity - but I know I will look damn amazing, even if not attracting the same guys. Which I'm fine with. As long as I can spend eternity with my pride and joy.

Yup ... that'll probably be the end of that relationship.

Sounds like you're prepared and even looking forward to moving on.

But that will mean changes for you too in your new relationships.

Very best to you.

Thank you @@VSGAnn2014 ...

Yeah I reread what I wrote and realized how mentally I've moved on before anything has even happened...

Sweetie you have a handle on this. I was proud for you just reading this post! You are beautiful, but not healthy and you need to be healthy for that little one.

I ask myself this when deciding how to progress with a relationship. Any relationship.

Does this person lift me up or push me down?

Give that little girl a good role model and healthy lifestyle. Love who you are - big or small. Don't ever again stay in a relationship based on the purely physical; it just isn't healthy for you or what you want your daughter to believe is love. Move on - go chase that new health life ahead of you!

Well done you, taking control of your life I think it's brillent xx

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnddddd there goes a woman who is smart and strong enough to see the right path to a strong and healthy mind, body, and soul. Not only will you be setting an excellent example for your daughter, but you will also be attracting the right kind of man who will treat you and your daughter well. Congratulations ! Well done ! (P.S. Had my band done mid Dec, 2011, made it through the holidays juuuusssstttttt fine. I wanted the weight loss more than I wanted the food. Best decision ever !)

My comment is more about the disappointment behind the food that you feel rather than the man. It's obvious that your relationship is not worth hanging on to so I'm sure you will do what you need to do. But regarding your focus on how you will no longer be able to enjoy the things you used to...the Italian food, Red Lobster, cake, etc. just understand that you will be able to eat some if not all of this food again. What you will notice is that the food is not that important anymore. It becomes part of your world but you are not obsessed with it.

Once in a while, I wish I could eat like I used to but it goes away as soon as I look at the woman I've become. I am smaller than I've been since I was a teenager and able to move and dress like someone years younger than I used to look/move. That's better than any food out there.

Good luck!

You will do fine.. Remember you are doing this to become a healthier you... Good Luck!

Like you, I used to believe that "meat is for the man......and bone is for the dog." Until I had a stroke.

I have thrown two jerks to the curb (after a 23 year marriage and a 10 year marriage). It gets easier as you go, and eventually you quit looking at jerks. I have been with a gentle soul for the past 8 years. He has been supportive every inch of the way, and I am now 65 pounds lighter than when we met.

I wish you good luck and good health.

no one can tell you about that relationship. But you definitely need to be you, the you that is a great mom, the you that doesn't have to be stared at, the you that wont have their daughters classmates refer to her mom as fatty fatty boom balatty. Not that they do now , but it certainly happens to people. Youre doing this for the right reasons.

I agree with everyone. It definitely sounds like you have moved on in your relationship. A lot of people do after the surgery. I agree you definitely need to take care of you and be that role model for your daughter you are talking about. About letting go of food, I strongly encourage you to read How I Prepared for Surgery Part 2 on my blog. The link is below. I talk about how to mentally prepare for surgery and I take some time to discuss saying goodbye to foods you love. I agree with others that eventually you will be able to eat those foods again but your relationship with them will be different. This grieving process with food is necessary to be able to deal with what you will have to do to be successful post op. Perhaps you could Celebrate your birthday early to have one last bash before the pre-op diet as a final goodbye.

I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you are starting to get your head in the right place so I know you will be fine.

I know all about the chubby-chasers. That was the lifestyle I lived for so long. Then I met my husband. He loves me if I'm 130 lbs or 330 lbs. But, he wants me to be healthy and happy. Your fiance' has issues of his own. He's attracted to big girls because it provides security to him. It's a way for him to compensate for his own failures because he knows he doesn't have the qualities or emotional stamina that a thin woman demands. It's his own insecurity that he is projecting onto you. Good for you for seeing it for face value. We will all support you.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that, in re-reading your post, you realized you've already moved on(mentally) before anything has happened. Let that be your sign that it's time to just move on. Period. Do NOT stay in that relationship. It isn't healthy now and it isn't going to be healthy later. Get out while your daughter is little and you don't have to worry so much about how it will change her life. Little ones are resilient and handle change much easier than older kids do.

As for the food, you will be able to have those things again. And actually, I had my surgery 5 days before Christmas. My birthday is in January so I was in the exact same place. It wasn't as bad as I expected. Actually, I decided that I'd just consider it my gift to myself on both occasions. Best gift I ever had!

For me, I had reached a stage where excesw food was like the "bad boyfriend" who gave me temporary pleasure and too much pain and I was just DONE with that. My surgery was Dec 11 2011...I spent Christmas on liquids and not feeling that wonderful. No new years eve party for me. I encourage you to think about your readiness to "let go" of food as entertainment...just to be sure you can take this on during holidays and birthday times.