I AM BAD....OPINIONS.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

You mihht have done yourself a favor by not going out to eat. 4 weeks after being banded we hit a favorite Mexican restaurant. I very carefully had 4 small bites of the inside of an quesidilla, and 2 tiny sips of hubbys margarita. I forgot and used the straw. I dont know which part of all that didn't agree with me, but tmi alert............it was a run for the bathroom time, and the rest came up in the parking lot. Alot. Very bad. So, you might have done yourself a good thing because sometimes 4 weeks just isnt enough. My hubby is very happy otherwise with my being banded, it just was a few adjustment s, and then it got better and better ! Good luck to you and your hubby !!

[bormannk 40]

After a month to two months you'll be able to go! Life goes as usual - except that my portions are much much smaller and I make healthy choices. The only places I avoid are fast food and bread companies and sub shops. Too much bread! But I do Mexican, sushi, steakhouse.. There is always a healthy option and Res Lobster has fish which is great! Hang in there - he was a bit insensitive, but it may take a moment for him to fully understand!

Good for you though!

[terry1118 1,274]

Don't worry, eventually your emotions will even out. In addition to healing, you are adjusting to new eating habits and the physical changes of you surgery. Also during the fastest fat-burning stage (in the first 3-6 months) hormones stored in your fat are being released into your system making things worse - like super PMS! We all suffer through it to varying degrees. No amount of sensitivity can help our loved ones understand what we are going through! Hang in there. Eventually - sooner than you think - you'll be able to eat out together again. Best of luck to you! :-)

[Bandista 7,466]

Congratulations on your surgery and way to go choosing yourself first. Pat yourself in the back! I am married, the guy is great but we had to work through a few wrinkles post-surgery. I think he had a couple of worries -- losing his eating partner was one and the other was would I turn into a babe and go run off somewhere. Both were silly -- I still love to go out and he makes out like a bandit as I eat so much less and he gets the leftovers, and I'm not going to leave the love of my life, duh. We are all bags of chemicals, really, and those deep down fears and responses are there no matter what. Oh, and did I mention most men are insensitive clods?

[MichiganChic 3,262]

You're not bad, he's not bad, it's just the trials and tribulations of adjusting to your new life. You'll both figure it out, and you'll be able to go out to eat and control yourself without worry in the future. I love that I can go out to eat and not even order anything, just eat off his plate. He doesn't mind, either.

You do have to be careful, though. We went on a weekend trip over the holiday, and stopped to get lunch. I didn't order an actual lunch (just picked from my daughter's plate), but did decide to splurge on a few bites of a brownie sundae, so I ordered it for the three of us. Here is what they brought! Good thing my husband can eat a lot and is naturally thin! I had a couple bites and was good, and he and my daughter ate most of the rest of it. But that thing was insanely huge. Sad thing is I would have probably been able to eat it all before surgery!

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

I agree with a lot of the other posters... it's all still new and you're emotional and things will get better.

I actually stopped by Wendy's on the way home from the hospital -- my son was driving and he was hungry. It took a couple of times for me to convince myself and my boys... It's ok for them to eat what they want in front of me. It's my choice not to eat the way I used to but I'm not expecting them to change their way of eating for me. They've apologized sometimes if they're having something I really liked (the brownie sundae) but I just keep telling them and myself that I don't want to eat that way anymore and that I won't feel bad if they enjoy what they want.

I haven't turned down a trip out to dinner yet, even since the first week or 2. I just find something I can enjoy or even sit and drink Water and just focus on the people around me. It's a mind shift but it can be done.

And Red Lobster biscuits? Evil.... :-/

[Thinkingthinner1109 485]

Wow Michiganchic that thing

Was huge and thank you for the encouragement! It's rougher than I thought it would be. Dang hormones anyway!

[motherof5 364]

I think everyone that is pre or post op can understand you. It pisses me off that everything my hubby brings in this house is junk. the fact that they can eat their food that i cook and then I have two of my youngings looking at my Soup or Protein drink. I tell them to get lost, seriously! I know that this was a major decision we made for a better person but it is hard. It's very hard. I was thinking about Doritos the other day, SMH. Just let me suck on one for a few mintues, lol.

So yeah, you are okay.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Not using a restaurant coupon before it expires feels the same as cutting up a credit card......it's like chopping off your hand. You did yourself a favor by not going. Your relationship may have its ups and downs, but I agree that so soon out from surgery is not the time to make a judgement call. At some calm moment you can have that discussion about how to handle your private choice for sugery in public situations. Maybe you could ask him if he has any helpful suggestions to help you get over the hurdles you will face when eating in publc.

I also want to respond to motheros5's comment. Several years ago, I was living with my sister for a few months. I had left an abuser and needed some place to go, and her husband had just died of a prolonged illness. We needed each other, so I moved in for a while. I was on a diet at the time, and she and her two children, ages 7 and 16 ate junk beyond imagination. She told me that they wouldn't eat meat and veggies - just junk and take-out.

I know they got take-out at least 5 days a week, with pancakes and a buffet on week-ends. I brought in my own groceries, fruits and veggies, and prepared my own foods. Wouldn't you know, her kids ate my stuff which she said they would not eat, and then ate their junky stuff too! Well, I couldn't tell them they can't have healthy food. The temptation to eat cakes,chips, pies, and pizza was difficult to resist. Needless to say, I only lost 15 pounds and started to gain it back.

Although I would not necessarily recommend watching food channels, maybe the cure for helping us to resist restaurant and prepared foods is to watch Restaurant Impossible and Kitchen Nightmares. I know that they are manipulated reality shows, but looking behind the scenes at all of those disgusting kitchens just makes me leary of eating anything that someone else has prepared in a kitchen that I do not control the ingredients and sanitation.

As you get further out from surgery, you will get better at this. My boyfriend and I were away from home at a hospital in another city. We were gone longer than we expected and were fading so badly that we needed to have a meal on the way home. On a main drag lined with every chain restaurant possible, we stopped at Baker's Square. He had his big grown man sandwich and I had about 1/3 of my chili with cheese and couple of his fries. We both were full and we both were happy. I didn't feel deprived and he didn't feel pressured to eat what I eat. Compromise will be the best and least emotional way to handle your way around food. Just go where they have something you can eat part of and where he can eat what he wants. You don't have to use a coupon just because you have one.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Why should you feel bad for telling him that. He should be supporting you 100% not taking someone else out to eat. That is just wrong. He could have chosen other places to eat but he didnt. If that behavior continued he would get a good talking too. If he wants to go out to eat with someone else then what happens when you lose all your weight? I would not tolerate that crap.

[hillgirly 228]

I don't think either of you were bad. It take an enormous amount of adjusting..for both of you! The first week, DH didn't want to eat in front of me because he felt bad.

Our favorite restaurant is a buffet..seafood, chinese, a large variety. We were regulars (at least once a week) pre-surgery and my husband told the manager I would be having surgery - her reply was no problem, we can just charge the kid's price. About a week after surgery, he softly asked if I felt up to going to the restaurant. I had to laugh at how softly he asked! I had a $2 bowl of Soup while he satisfied his craving. Now I can eat other things too but I think I get full just looking at his plate LOL.

Just a story to make you smile, but also to say it's hard on both sides. We have one emotional rollercoaster to ride and our family has a different one to ride. Sometimes that is hard to see but in the end, I think you are fine! Don't judge your relationship yet and certainly not over one incident.

Now I'm going to think about those biscuits the rest of the night

Edited September 4, 2014 by hillgirly

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Be kind to yourself.

Really. Starting now.

Just a thought too. If the biscuits are the draw for you at RL and they are no fun unless eaten by the basketful, then RL is probably better off left in your past. But that's your decision to make.

Most restaurants I go to have a few things I like so if my unhealthy fave is not WLS friendly I can still enjoy myself. Soups are my go to for emergency eating. I'm lucky I like Soups and almost every place offers Soup.

You're doing great. Congratulations on speaking up for yourself.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

NOTHING tastes as good as wearing/buying smaller size clothes and being more healthy (aka for me merely walking)....no food is bad...and you are def not bad...hang in there

[#9grammy 274]

How about ordering the appetizer, they have 6 huge cold shrimp. I have heard that shrimp is good for you. I love fresh cold shrimp so that will be my go to meal at Red Lobster.

[susanholstein@att.net 1]

I had many times after surgery when I had to go out to eat with my husband. I always made sure that I had some crochet project along or my kindle. It wasn't easy, but I felt somewhat empowered after getting through it. I'm 2 months out now, so I can now try eating a salad or some other healthy dish. Keep trying, it gets easier!