RNY caused me to lose my friends

[Andrea K 33]

This happened tp me in 2007 after I had the band. I lost my mother to jealous fits once I went from a size 28 to 16. I had complications with my band and had to have it removed jn April and revised to bypass in July. Now I have a partner who is so unhappy with me. He resents me being sick due to complications from The band and now the bypass. He's had the bypass himself. The only other people that know about it are my grandmother, kids and their Dad. I've only told one of my friends I revised for fear if loosing the others. They all know my band came out and think I went back in to have damage repaired which I did ( 2 hernias, adhesions and scar tissue and liver biopsies). I've had 3 hospital stays since removal and don't want to deal with any more fall out from this. It already looks like I'll be moving out and no longer with my partner once Im recovered enough to do so. I absolutely hate being yelled at, cursed at and stuck at home because of complications. He thinks I'm ruining his life because he took a few hours off of work to drop me off at the hospital- and that I cant go out anywhere. And that he's "picking up the slack". Meanwhile I have a home nurse and my teenagers have been picking up things at the pharmacy and local convience store, their Dad even brought down groceries. And I've started ordering things like Protein Shakes on Amazon (still on liquids). I hate asking him to do anything as I get comments like he's not my servant. I was so sick post op that my kids were helping me shower, helping me up the stairs and in and out of the chair I've been sleeping on. They've been cleaning the house daily and have taken turns sleeping on the couch so they could help me out of the chair in the middle if the night so i could go to the bathroom.. Week 3 I was finally able to do those things on my own. At one point their father came down to take care of me because they told them how I was being treated. He took me to the hospital for my first snd second stay and a few appointments. It does really hurt to loose people as a result of them not being able to handle your surgery. But it is for the best- what's worse is being stuck there with them.

Sounds like you need a new partner. Glad your kids have stepped up to the plate. That is a testament to the good job you did raising them to be caring and unselfish young adults. I hope as your friendships and health increase you are blessed with a man who will CHERISH you and your children.

[pik 262]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I guess I have been lucky because my fiance' has done everything. He took me to the hospital for the surgery and stayed the whole day and into the night and to the ER every time I have had to go, visiting me each day. Took care of everything at home, and took care of me.

This happened tp me in 2007 after I had the band. I lost my mother to jealous fits once I went from a size 28 to 16. I had complications with my band and had to have it removed jn April and revised to bypass in July.

Now I have a partner who is so unhappy with me. He resents me being sick due to complications from The band and now the bypass. He's had the bypass himself. The only other people that know about it are my grandmother, kids and their Dad. I've only told one of my friends I revised for fear if loosing the others. They all know my band came out and think I went back in to have damage repaired which I did ( 2 hernias, adhesions and scar tissue and liver biopsies).

I've had 3 hospital stays since removal and don't want to deal with any more fall out from this. It already looks like I'll be moving out and no longer with my partner once Im recovered enough to do so. I absolutely hate being yelled at, cursed at and stuck at home because of complications. He thinks I'm ruining his life because he took a few hours off of work to drop me off at the hospital- and that I cant go out anywhere. And that he's "picking up the slack". Meanwhile I have a home nurse and my teenagers have been picking up things at the pharmacy and local convience store, their Dad even brought down groceries. And I've started ordering things like Protein shakes on Amazon (still on liquids). I hate asking him to do anything as I get comments like he's not my servant. I was so sick post op that my kids were helping me shower, helping me up the stairs and in and out of the chair I've been sleeping on. They've been cleaning the house daily and have taken turns sleeping on the couch so they could help me out of the chair in the middle if the night so i could go to the bathroom.. Week 3 I was finally able to do those things on my own. At one point their father came down to take care of me because they told them how I was being treated. He took me to the hospital for my first snd second stay and a few appointments.

It does really hurt to loose people as a result of them not being able to handle your surgery. But it is for the best- what's worse is being stuck there with them.

Things haven't been very easy for me since my surgery, but I think he knows I would do the same for him.

You know, maybe he isn't the one for you. I will be marrying my fiance' in sickness and in health next year. He already knows I come with sickness. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Epilepsy along with all of the issues the surgery has caused me.

I am so sorry, and I hope things turn up for you.

Edited August 10, 2014 by pik

[pik 262]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I guess I have been lucky because my fiance' has done everything. He took me to the hospital for the surgery and stayed the whole day and into the night and to the ER every time I have had to go, visiting me each day. Took care of everything at home, and took care of me.

This happened tp me in 2007 after I had the band. I lost my mother to jealous fits once I went from a size 28 to 16. I had complications with my band and had to have it removed jn April and revised to bypass in July.

Now I have a partner who is so unhappy with me. He resents me being sick due to complications from The band and now the bypass. He's had the bypass himself. The only other people that know about it are my grandmother, kids and their Dad. I've only told one of my friends I revised for fear if loosing the others. They all know my band came out and think I went back in to have damage repaired which I did ( 2 hernias, adhesions and scar tissue and liver biopsies).

I've had 3 hospital stays since removal and don't want to deal with any more fall out from this. It already looks like I'll be moving out and no longer with my partner once Im recovered enough to do so. I absolutely hate being yelled at, cursed at and stuck at home because of complications. He thinks I'm ruining his life because he took a few hours off of work to drop me off at the hospital- and that I cant go out anywhere. And that he's "picking up the slack". Meanwhile I have a home nurse and my teenagers have been picking up things at the pharmacy and local convience store, their Dad even brought down groceries. And I've started ordering things like Protein shakes on Amazon (still on liquids). I hate asking him to do anything as I get comments like he's not my servant. I was so sick post op that my kids were helping me shower, helping me up the stairs and in and out of the chair I've been sleeping on. They've been cleaning the house daily and have taken turns sleeping on the couch so they could help me out of the chair in the middle if the night so i could go to the bathroom.. Week 3 I was finally able to do those things on my own. At one point their father came down to take care of me because they told them how I was being treated. He took me to the hospital for my first snd second stay and a few appointments.

It does really hurt to loose people as a result of them not being able to handle your surgery. But it is for the best- what's worse is being stuck there with them.

Things haven't been very easy for me since my surgery, but I think he knows I would do the same for him.

You know, maybe he isn't the one for you. I will be marrying my fiance' in sickness and in health next year. He already knows I come with sickness. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Epilepsy along with all of the issues the surgery has caused me.

I am so sorry, and I hope things turn up for you.

I was quoting Leena here. I don't know what happened to my quote!

[jtickle 295]

Jtickle thats great I am glad that one of your friends has seen the benefits from this surgery my reason for having my procedure was because of my diabetics type 2 as well I got tired of taking 5 shots a day and with high blood pressure and high cholesterol that was the final straw, I will be getting enrolling into LaFitness this Thursday so that I can take advantage of their aqua aerobics and other exercise equipment, I have been walking everyday now and getting in all of my required Water and i see with just this adjustment i drop 11 pounds this week. My goal is to go to the gym at lest 5-6 days a week as well as continue to walk. My husband said I have transfered my food addiction to exercise, lol but its ok because I feel great and I want to hit my goal by my anniversary date which is May 19.keep us posted .

I actually was told on another forum for WLS that I had a transfer addiction to exercise. I was like that's fine at least I'm not addicted to food anymore. Even though I did sneak some ranch dressing last night. Anyway, a bunch forum members ganged up on me, saying I exercise to much and I need psychological help. That loosing weight is 90% diet, 10% exercise. If that's true my surgeon must be a lair. One of them told me how proud he was of his 80 pound weight loss in 40 months. I asked him why he had surgery if he just needed to loose 2 pounds a month. They were mean and rude.

[itsmekarenlee 129]

I actually was told on another forum for WLS that I had a transfer addiction to exercise. I was like that's fine at least I'm not addicted to food anymore. Even though I did sneak some ranch dressing last night. Anyway, a bunch forum members ganged up on me, saying I exercise to much and I need psychological help. That loosing weight is 90% diet, 10% exercise. If that's true my surgeon must be a lair. One of them told me how proud he was of his 80 pound weight loss in 40 months. I asked him why he had surgery if he just needed to loose 2 pounds a month. They were mean and rude.

Don't you love it when you're the "bad guy" for speaking the truth? Smh at them.

I had a bff for 7 yrs that I backed away from 2 yrs ago because of her exaggerations, lying, gossiping and attention seeking. Other people see that too but of course I'm the bad guy for calling her out. Anyway, she got sleeved a year ago. When I see people from the church I used to go to (stopped going a year ago) that she goes to too people always bring up how she looks now. I hate it. That means people are still associating me with her and probably thinking we did this because she did. I just say that I haven't seen her in a very long time and only on fb and change the subject. I wish she was completely out of my life and for people to stop associating me with her.

[jtickle 295]

The friend I totally got rid of, took it upon herself to broadcast all my health issues on Facebook. I had unfriended her, but I seen the post on my husbands facebook page. I should of got rid of her in 2009 when I had a mental breakdown and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She would tell anyone that would listen to her, but I am a forgiving person.

[pik 262]

You know, I have always been one to not have many friends. Most all of my friends have been male, and they don't seem to be that way.

At any rate, I moved away from a lot of people and now I have a very small circle of friends. My best friend is my fiance and we are wonderful together, such a blessing to have him.

I have another friend who I am not super close to but we seem to be closer since the surgery. I guess it has given us more in common because she has had the same surgery I have several years ago.

She also gave birth on the same day as my surgery. That is her first child, so no we have being a parent in common as well.

You know, I have said it in this thread before, but I am gonna say it again. Any friend that you lose to WLS was never truly a friend to begin with.

[itsmekarenlee 129]

My best friend is my husband. I've built up a wall to having local friendships in the last year. Some may think that sad but really it's a lot easier than dealing with the ups and downs of friendships.

After 43 yrs I have finally learned the difference between acquaintances and friends.

I have a lifelong bff from childhood that I cherish and always will, but we live 1800 miles apart.

[Cupcake 801]

Wow that forum was awful they should have been encouraging you to stay exercising , because we have a tool we need to make the necessary changed for our new life. I know I'm going to do everything possible to ensure I meet my goal weight and stay healthy I don't miss giving myself injections not one bit and I don't miss having to take a nap everyday after work.

[BeagleLover 1,020]

Don't you love it when you're the "bad guy" for speaking the truth? Smh at them.

I had a bff for 7 yrs that I backed away from 2 yrs ago because of her exaggerations, lying, gossiping and attention seeking. Other people see that too but of course I'm the bad guy for calling her out. Anyway, she got sleeved a year ago. When I see people from the church I used to go to (stopped going a year ago) that she goes to too people always bring up how she looks now. I hate it. That means people are still associating me with her and probably thinking we did this because she did. I just say that I haven't seen her in a very long time and only on fb and change the subject. I wish she was completely out of my life and for people to stop associating me with her.

I suggest you go to a different church and change other groups. Wouldn't all that just go away?

[BeagleLover 1,020]

My best friend is my husband. I've built up a wall to having local friendships in the last year. Some may think that sad but really it's a lot easier than dealing with the ups and downs of friendships.

After 43 yrs I have finally learned the difference between acquaintances and friends.

I have a lifelong bff from childhood that I cherish and always will, but we live 1800 miles apart.

I hope you Skype!