Secret Surgery

[CrystalJae 17]

So I have been on my pre-op journey since November 2013 and have been working slowly towards getting my requirements done. I have finally finished everything and was given a date of August 18, 2014. As I'm preparing for my surgery date and getting business in order for the hospital stay and care during my days out of work, I've realized that I haven't told many people about my up and coming surgery. My mother knows, a friend who has had her own successful journey knows, and maybe 2 or 3 other people know and I really have no interest in telling anyone else about it. I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with the issue of being almost secretive about this process and if it was intentionally kept quiet or if it just wasn't a big deal to be discussed?

Edited July 14, 2014 by CrystalJae

[McButterpants 2,846]

You will get lots of responses to this one - every one has a very personal reason to do what they do...to tell or not to tell.

I told 5 people - my husband, my son, parents and best friend. No one else knows. I don't feel compelled to tell anyone.

If someone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight my response is, "I got some things straightened out with my doctor and I'm really focused on diet and exercise." That's about it - I haven't felt the need to expand on the answer.

The reason I'm not comfortable telling anyone else is I'm a very private person - I don't like a lot of people knowing my business and I have small group of people that are close to me. I live in a small community and once one person, even my brother, is told, many people will know. I'm not embarrassed that I did what I did, I just know there's a stigma attached to what I did.

[bigloser2014 144]

I did not tell anyone. The only people who know are the ones I live with, i.e., my husband and 2 daughters. Aside from that, my Mom knows who I am very close to and I knew would support me. I intentionally kept it quiet. I did not want to have to defend and explain my decision. I also did not care to be under a radar and be judged. The decision is yours and very personal. Also, depends on your support system. For me, it was cultural. I come from a culture where people like me are called "fat" to their face and are asked, "Why can't you exercise self control?" I did not want to waste my energy trying to educate the ignorant in my life. Whatever decision you make, Good Luck!

[CrystalJae 17]

You will get lots of responses to this one - every one has a very personal reason to do what they do...to tell or not to tell.

I told 5 people - my husband, my son, parents and best friend. No one else knows. I don't feel compelled to tell anyone.

If someone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight my response is, "I got some things straightened out with my doctor and I'm really focused on diet and exercise." That's about it - I haven't felt the need to expand on the answer.

The reason I'm not comfortable telling anyone else is I'm a very private person - I don't like a lot of people knowing my business and I have small group of people that are close to me. I live in a small community and once one person, even my brother, is told, many people will know. I'm not embarrassed that I did what I did, I just know there's a stigma attached to what I did.

I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm not embarrassed that I'm taking the step either but I kind of felt like there was something wrong with me being so secretive. I'm very private as well and I guess I just wanted reassurance that I wasn't the only one

[ad1203 85]

I told my husband, my 3 kids, and my sister. I did not even tell my mother because she is older and I thought she would tell others. It is my own business and it has worked out fine for me this way. I didn't want to be the subject of everyone's opinions and judgements. Now when people notice how much weight I have lost, they tell me I look great and ask what I have done. I tell them I am eating a high Protein, low carb diet (not a lie) and I am exercising every day (also true). It seems to work for me. Everyone is different. You should do whatever makes you comfortable for now. You can always confide in people later on. Good luck to you!

[Brightfuture058 26]

I initial planed on only having my husband and parents know about it. (my parents would have killed me if I had surgery and didn't tell them, lol) But I guess my dad forgot I didn't want anyone to know and told one of my aunts. The next think I know I go on Facebook and see a post that I'm tagged in asking if anyone heard how my surgery went. Needless to say I was mortified. But I told my husband now I don't have to hide anything and its easier I assume then trying to keep it a secret. I guess my aunt ripped the band-aide off for me LOL. I was mad then but now it don't bother me. I thought I would bother me if I could see people judging me for my decision but its really the opposite. I've had lots of support, those that give the the judgmental looks I stay away from. Stay positive, it will help with this whole process, trust me. Its your decision and if it was up to me I probably would have tried to keep it to myself if I could.

[SherB 220]

I have only told two friends and some family members. I wont lie when asked though since I think it is unfair if another overweight person asks how I did it and I say diet and exercise. Now I understand I do have to watch what I eat and exercise but I hope to lose quicker than it would normally take. Just my two cents. Choose what is best for you!

[ChaoticBliss 113]

Only my husband knows. Our families would all have opinions that were not relevant to my decisions. We have five children that we didn't want them to worry. It's the best decision of my life and yet no one knows about it. I speak with my husband regarding trials and tribulations, and use these support forums. It works for us.

Edited July 15, 2014 by ChaoticBliss

[steph0315 14]

My husband knows and my best friend knows. I was very angry to discover that she told her husband, but I'm pretty sure it won't go further than that. I have been exercising like crazy for the past few months to improve my health and don't want to hear anyone's BS ( including my very thin and judgmental mother) about me taking the easy way out. I bust my butt. It's certainly not easy.

[Jersrose43 837]

I told everybody and their brother and those that have negative things to say can stuff it.

[CrystalJae 17]

It's not even that I care about the negative stuff people have to say because you can't please everyone. People have things to say about me being over weight and they will have things to say once I start losing as well as the way that I lose it. I just really don't feel like dealing with the nonsense. Its draining and takes my focus off of what I want to focus on. On top of that I am already a very private person. Even joining this site is a huge thing for me because I'm used to doing things on my own and keeping completely to myself. I'm really glad I'm not alone in this and that there are people who share my same mindset in being private.

[InItToLoseIt2014 20]

I am a very private person myself and don't think it's anyone's business what I'm doing. My dad knew before he passed that I was going to do this. He encouraged it, and planned on helping me pay my portion of co-pays. My mother knows and is very supportive. My brother and sister-in-law, son, and daughter also know. Outside my immediate family, the only person I have told is a friend/co-worker who had lap band done a couple of years ago. The main reason I even told her is for a referral, who happened to be the same doctor I had already chosen. When I am asked what I'm doing, my response will simply be "lifestyle changes", which will be true.

[orlando 44]

I only told my wife about my upcoming surgery. The only reason I told her is because of the overnight hospital stay & needing a ride home. I've sworn her to secrecy. My wife is doing everything she can to talk me out of my surgery. So even now I regret that I told her. I don't want my kids or the rest of the family to know. I have a great family and in-laws. I just don't want to tell them. I know if I tell my kids I might as well post it in Twitter, Facebook & Instagram. Or Twacetagram as I call it.

I'm definetly not telling my friends and coworkers. I've witness their disdain for another coworker who had wls. Good or bad...I don't want to be the topic of conversation. I don't want everybody constantly asking how much weight have I lost.

[BitterSweet* 835]

I haven't decided on having surgery just yet, but when I casually mentioned the idea to my mother, I was met with the "your cousin died from weight loss surgery." Very disheartening, not just to hear, but to hear it coming from her - the person who taught me everything I know about having a raging food addiction. If I decide on the surgery, my husband will be the only person I tell. I have a lot of time to make a decision, and in that time I'm going to drop as much weight as possible. My goal is at least 40lbs over the next 6-7 months; enough that it's very noticeable to everyone. I have a hiatal hernia that needs repairing that I've already talked about at work. So if I have surgery, my hernia will get repaired along with the sleeve and nobody needs to know about the latter. I'm not telling anyone else because I'm not interested in their feedback.

[qtpatootie2681 29]

I told all my family this past weekend when we were all visiting after a baby shower. I just decided to do it even though I was nervous how my aunts and cousins would respond. But They were very supportive and even my cousin asked for my Dr's phone number because she's been considering it herself. That's the reason i'm deciding to tell everyone. Because maybe someone who's overweight like me,feeling hopeless, will see my success and I can tell them with this tool it is possible. Seeing my friends success is what got me to look into vsg myself so.. Not judging anyone's choices because I understand but just saying this is how I personally feel about it.