Sigh. I don't know if I'm right or wrong here.

So I was sitting down talking to my mom about my surgery, and she says "we're going to get through this as a family". So I think cool, they want to help me, I start explaining to her about how I'm going to be on a clear liquid diet for a while and other things and I ask her if she could stop buying certain foods (Cookies, ice cream, and muffins) because it will help me not be tempted and she starts freaking out, like I shot her or something. She said I was self-centered, that I'm not the only one in this house, that I need more self control, that I'm ungrateful ect.

I can't believe someone would react like this over some junk food. It makes me think maybe I'm not the only one with a food addiction, and It just makes me sad. Do you guys think it's selfish of me to ask her not to buy these things? I don't think I've asked her for too much. I'm paying for everything related to my surgery on my own. In my opinion nobody really needs food like that anyway, in fact my family would be healthier without it.

I always kind of figured I'd be in this alone. I'm kind of the black sheep in my family.

I am sorry that your feelings are hurt over this. When I had my surgery I stayed at my moms house for two weeks after the surgery was over with. She said it was a good thing because she would change her eating habits too she's not obese but that she could stand to lose 20 pounds. Her new eating habits lasted a couple of days and then she was back to eating candy and crackers and things in front of me. I just don't think people realize how hard this is. They're not in the mental place to change their eating habits. I struggle every time I eat with my mother. I love her, but she constantly is getting irritated with me when I tell her I can't eat that, I can't eat that, I can't eat that. I used to cook for both of us every other night at my house but she refuses to eat at my house anymore, because I don't fix potatoes and pasta and rice. She does it so politely, you know she says things come up or I've got something to do at my house but I know it's because she doesn't want to eat what I'm eating and that's okay. we should be more open with our feelings but that's okay. She does praise me every time she sees me you looking so good she says. And I am getting a good supply of her old clothes those that are too big for her I love her supply of size 14 & size 12 pants.

I'm so sorry your family isn't being very supportive and I don't think it's wrong for you to ask your mom to make some adjustments. Maybe not stop buying the foods she and the other members of your house eat but maybe keep them a little more hidden or not so out in the open so as not to rub it in your face.

The one thing you do have in your corner is this forum. I'm new here but I can already see how supportive this forum is. You are not in this alone because we are all either currently going through it or have been through it. Don't get discouraged and keep your head held high! You are doing a good thing for you, stay focused on that!

Another POV is that maybe her fear came out at that point. Maybe it was the breaking point for her and came out wrong..... Just something think about.

I'm lucky in that the BF and I ate out a lot at the restaurant down the road. In fact were personal friends with the owner. And the BF has his own button on the screen at the bar! He actually gets a discount on his drinks.... He has been eating out mostly per usual and when he gets something to bring home he eats in another room. Last night my daughter ate Chinese leftovers in front of me. I was fine.

After surgery you won't want to eat physically. Not going to lie, the hardest is the head hunger! The other day I would have killed someone for a tuna melt with onions! I pretty much stayed in my room alone. I was angry and upset. I didn't want to lash out at anyone.

So an option is to make yourself scarce when they start eating

I was watching a marathon of My 600 Pound Life. One episode the husband was a complete d0uche! He didn't wnnt her to have the surgery or lose weight. He literally picked her up after surgery and went Straight to a fast food drive thru!!!! WTF?!?!?! And he was taunting her!!! 'Want some fries? Doesn't this smell go?' Than he had her hold his burger!!! I would have throat punched him

Edited July 17, 201412 yr by Breaking Red

Thanks for the advice everyone. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I think there will be a time when the junk food doesn't tempt me anymore, so ill just look forward to that

I understand where you are coming from. My mom is all over the place. She eats bad and has bad cholesterol, but she's skinny and it's very hard for me. She doesn't live here but is here watching my son a few days a week and she constantly brings junk food here and leaves it. I bought organic 7 grain bread and she brought sourdough and I said I left you some, I tell her I have the kind I want.

I know I will still have to buy things and cook for my son and I know it will be hard but I am counting on the fact that I will be dipping on liquids for weeks. After the soft food phase when you are getting ready to eat real food again I plan to do a few things...1) plan my meals 2) be prepared with things that don't need cooked 3) keep sugar free pudding and Popsicle if I need one. If you prepare yourself with what you need to be successful then it will be easier for you to resist those things that are so unhealthy.

Stick with this place to rant and get support! I know I am.

i get it too.

it may be that although they feel they are supporting you, they are a little uncertain of HOW this all will affect THEIR eating. i get that. my extended family has been pretty good, and my folks FULLY support me, but the other night we went out to eat and my mom picks this Italian place that used to be my FAVE and it's all Pasta, pizza and salads. i'm 6 wks out, not really eating salads yet. i was bummed and she kept saying 'you can just have a little of this or that'...

i know she supports me but doesn't have the foggiest idea about what this all really involves. hang in there, come to the site often for help and support. you'll do great. keep your foods in the house and fully stocked in a specific spot.

unfortunately, i was told that lack of family support was the number one factor in regain. they suggest bring family members to the informational sessions and nutrition appts.

however, you cant change anyone else, so i think its really important to come up with a written plan on how you will cope with triggers when there is crap in your home. on thing i noticed last fall, we had halloween candy in the house and my H and i got into a really intense fight and the first thing i did was go right for the candy... without thinking. so its good to learn to identify your triggers and come up with a way to cope with them without eating. its also good to come up with a written plan of action if you are a person who is tempted by having junky food around.

if you plan ahead, you can cope. if you leave it up to chance, you will likely regret it at some point.

I can relate a little. My family is very supportive, I am actually really in shock still about how supporting my normally non supportive husband has been I'm serious.. I don't know who he is right now lol. The part that I can relate is this: I have 4 kids ages 11,13,17 and 18.. now they are all great kids. They didn't choose to have 85% of their stomachs removed, so I feel like I couldn't ask them to keep everything away. They need their snacks and treats and I have to just look at them and choose everyday to avoid them (not the kids, the snacks lol). My two older k work at Chick Fil A and smell like it, and if you've ever had it you know how good it is. This journey is a choice, and we can either choose to be really good, or we can choose to cheat a little. It's our journey and it doesn't matter to anybody else. Just try your hardest to do what you know is right for you and you'll be fne good luck!!

I just feel like if you love someone you wouldn't want them to eat all the saturated fats chemicals and junk that will set them up for disease or even the same obesity problem that we have. I had to go through this to learn the hard way why people need to eat healthy. I really mean it when I say nobody should be eating that junk. It's hard to watch when you know they're destroying their health.

unfortunately, i was told that lack of family support was the number one factor in regain. they suggest bring family members to the informational sessions and nutrition appts. however, you cant change anyone else, so i think its really important to come up with a written plan on how you will cope with triggers when there is crap in your home. on thing i noticed last fall, we had halloween candy in the house and my H and i got into a really intense fight and the first thing i did was go right for the candy... without thinking. so its good to learn to identify your triggers and come up with a way to cope with them without eating. its also good to come up with a written plan of action if you are a person who is tempted by having junky food around. if you plan ahead, you can cope. if you leave it up to chance, you will likely regret it at some point.

I know you can never change other people unless they want to change. Deep down most people do but some don't, you're right.

I know you can never change other people unless they want to change. Deep down most people do but some don't, you're right.

its easy to focus on other people as a way to distract yourself from making your own required changes.

my MIL spent years telling me she would clean up her diet after she retired. now that she is retired, she keeps telling me that she cant eat healthy because her boyfriend has to keep crap in the house. as long as she keeps focusing on things outside herself, she's never going to take responsibility for making her own changes.

the fact is, there are always opportunities for me to make bad decisions regarding eating. ALWAYS. we had pizza in the house this weekend. when i choose to eat it, i had 2 small pieces and STOPPED eating when i started to feel full. i could have made a different decision. every time i put food in my mouth i am making a choice. as long as i plan ahead on HOW to make good decisions i will be okay. i am not perfect. but 90% of the time i do. i do this by thinking ahead and preplanning. and realizing, no one else needs to make certain choices in order for me to do this. just me.

She may have felt like she is being somehow blamed for your weight. People say things that come out poorly. Unless she makes a habit of jumping on you, I would just let it slide. On the pre-op diet, you will find even the healthy food tempting but just have to be strong and know it's temporary. Once sleeved, you will not be able to eat the junk food, and likely won't want to. So I would just move past it and focus on this wonderful opportunity you have before you. That's what counts!