Completely Sidetracked - Need Help!

[Allegra Cole 21]

I marked the date of my last post January 21, 2014 4:31 am "400 lbs of Pain." I posted a couple of follow-up responses after that and then it happened. By mid-February I dropped down to 281. I still remember seeing the scale and thinking 'Wow, I never thought I'd be under 300 lbs again.' Nearly 100 lbs lighter something happened to me...I met and began dating someone on January 24, 2014. Having lost weight and now receiving attention, I was way out of my comfort zone and I guess I just went for the first person who smiled at me. She wined and dined me for sure and I started eating, not large amounts but bad for me, off the diet food and alcohol which is a complete no-no. I started drinking sweet beverages. I had drank NOTHING but Water for months and here I was with sweets. I didn't stop with alcohol, I ate Desserts too. My food monster was back and the more time that passed the bigger that monster raged his head.

The problem for me was and I say WAS because I ended the relationship last night, she IS an alcoholic and food addict. Deep down inside I knew it from the beginning but I think I was drawn to her addiction. She was normal sized and ate much much more food than I could and I loved watching her eat. She even ate the food I couldn't eat. My appetite grew bigger as time went on and I found myself getting hungry more often and requiring more food. The problem with being in a relationship with this particular alcoholic is she was increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive. For the past 5 weeks, she broke up with me every Saturday after getting drunk Friday night and then begged me to take her back the next day. Then she would take me out to eat. This weekend was no different, except I was different. Something, somewhere deep inside me had changed and I decided no more. She started her drunken rampage early and by nightfall I ended the relationship and stopped taking her calls.

During the past 2 weeks I started throwing up again. I eat too much and it immediately comes back up. I am now 295 lbs and I need to get my eating under control and back on my diet immediately! The idea of being 300 lbs again scares the hell out of me. I don't know how to start over or what my diet was. All of this rich food I have been eating made me forget I even had surgery and am not supposed to eat like everyone else. I need to remember why I started all of this in the first place so I went back and read my post from January 21st. Food was just a chore then and I was losing weight really fast but then I was side tracked and lost my way. I am afraid I stretched my stomach to an extent. My next appointment is not until June. I don't know what to do.

Has anyone stopped their diet and had to start again? For how long? Any help or suggestions anyone can provide will be greatly appreciated.

[Mrs.RRn 2,110]

Wow. Congrats for recognizing this unhealthy relationship- with both her and food.

It's hard to reset your brain once it's had all that disgustingly delicious food, but YOU CAN DO IT!

I'd suggest start back to your basics and retrain your brain- x amount of days on liquids, x amount of days on soft diet, etc. That'll help both your mind and tummy reset. Go back to tracking everything you eat & drink. Remember: Water water water. You know the rules, because you've followed them before.... You can do it again.

Good luck!

[PdxMan 4,292]

Yes, congrats on recognizing this and starting to move on. Just know, while you may be done with her, she is not done with you. She will be calling, so remain strong.

As far as getting back on track, I would suggest you ensure you have no crap in your kitchen. No alcohol, no sweets and no sweet drinks. Continue with this resolution to get back on track and dump them all. I remember I would tell myself, "Once this tub of ice cream is gone, I just won't buy another." No ... I just needed to dump the ice cream whether it was full or not. Stock your shelves with proper foods. meats, Jerky, yogurts ... you know the drill.

At least for awhile, eat exclusively at home. Don't be tempted by fast food or restaurants. This is just to get yourself back on track and disassociate yourself with the poor habits you developed with this woman.

Get back to the basics of eating Protein first, then veggies and/or starches. Don't drink right before, during or right after eating. Chew very well setting your utensil down in between bites. Evaluate how you feel after that bite and try to stop eating AS SOON as you BEGIN to feel restriction. There should be some time between the swallow and next bite. Try not to eat to the point of where you are stuffed. That is what we used to do.

Bottom line is things only change when we make a change. If we go back to doing things the way we used to, then we will get the same results. Praying 2 + 2 won't equal 4 leads only to resentments.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Allegra, I agree I do not think this woman is done with you and you might want to find someone to talk to. You deserve better in life. You have a lot to offer someone healthy and sober, I know, so please do not settle for this raging crazy. Work and focus on your health and eating, and low and behold that right person will come along. Don't let anything sidetrack you from getting back with the program, for YOURSELF! Hugs, you are worth it!

[Allegra Cole 21]

Thank you all for your responses. PdxMan and LindafromFlorida you are right she is not done with me. She texted and called me all day. I ignored her. True to form she even asked me to try again and that was very painful for me. It was a difficult day.

I did start the morning by clearing out my refrigerator of all leftovers and sweet drinks. I don't buy snack or junk food and keep it in my house so that part was easy. Fortunately for the first day in awhile I didn't feel like eating and I guess that is the emotional part. I had been on an emotional roller coaster and eating every feeling that I had: happiness, sadness, pain, you name it, I ate it. Fortunately I do have someone to talk to but I spent a lot of time focusing on her and I need to shift the focus back on me and what I need.

I had my gastric sleeve on December 2, 2013 and lost a lot of weight because I was afraid to eat anything. I had a lot of problems with keeping food down, especially Protein so the food I was eating were those soft slider foods and by February 14, 2014 I went from 368 lbs to 281 lbs. I was tremendously excited and perhaps overly confident about my success. My surgeon was happy albeit concerned that I really wasn't eating and losing 8-10 lbs per week. We talked about developing an eating disorder because of my food aversion but I didn't care. I thought the sleeve had solved my problem - eating - and I would deal with the fallout later. So when I met my ex and began to eat small amounts of food, I was relieved not to be throwing up any more after about 2 weeks. I was on several nausea meds that made my throat dry and I couldn't seem to quench my thirst. That's when I started drinking sweet drinks like lemonade, it helped. No excuse. Eventually I could eat anything including small amounts of steak. Of course, I have to take Miralax everyday to digest what I eat so that is stupid but technically I could eat. Before I could barely eat chicken breast.

We were going to different restaurants 3-4 times per week and each week the pounds started to slowly climb back on. I remember when I first tried alcohol, my stomach couldn't handle it. Then I tried again and it wasn't so bad. I have never been a drinker really 1-2 drinks socially maybe once or twice a month, but I was drinking a couple of times per week which also contributed to the weight. I stopped drinking two weeks ago on my birthday. Things were strained between me and my ex because I decided not to be around her at all when she was drinking and took all alcohol out of my house.

I took some time reading other posts yesterday where people talked about the sleeve being a tool in the weight loss journey. I realize I need to find a happy medium with eating and develop a healthy relationship with food. I know I can't go back to not eating at all or eating everything there is so just figuring out where that place is will help. I will try listening to my body and trying to see when I am actually hungry or just filling a need. Also making sure I am not eating too much. I will go back to my small plates and see how that works.

[Doug100 17]

You can do this. You had the courage to get your sleeve in the beginning. Picking up where you are will require only what you have done before. We All need to find our inner peace and enjoy the moment, not getting bogged down with other's issues. Peace.

[LindafromFlorida 1,542]

Hang tough. Cheers to a strong new beginning at Easter.