:/ he texting another woman after 12 years together and 4 kids!!!!!!!

so sorry.. kick him to the curb.. you deserve better .

Have you spoken with him? Maybe its something entirely innocent. Confront him in a non-threatening way and find out what is going on with that. Maybe things just need to be talked out. People make mistakes all of the time and when they are called out on it, they realize they can't act on the fantasy. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Don't let it derail you, stay strong and take care of yourself.

I think men get insecure when they see their partners slimming down and feeling more confident, and making serious changes for the better in their lives. They may fear being leeft behind at the same time they resent your moving ahead - and yet don't want to do anything about it! I've seen it several times - but cheating won't help, nor is it excusable. I agree - talk to him and see if the conversation can be had in a non-threateneing way...if not, maybe he's not going to be able to go the distance.

In any event, take care of yourself and stay focused on your wise choices. Love yourself, and do it well! You're worth it.

I spoke with him before I posted, this isn't the first time. And I don't feel he is remorseful it is what it is! His loss!

am sorry....i hope it turns out its not what it appears to be

I spoke with him before I posted, this isn't the first time. And I don't feel he is remorseful it is what it is! His loss!

'this isn't the first time'... Texting a woman or cheating?

My heart goes out to you, honey. x

Takingaleap..... stay strong. You deserve better and you don't have to settle for less. Take care.

First of all him trying to and doing is two different things. If this is not the first time why let it even get to a second time. There are two things I despise and that is a liar and a cheater and if either then you have to go. There is no second chances for taking my trust and throwing it away. If you don't get away from him now he will continue if this isn't the first time. Just my two cents but once a cheat is always a cheat.

Texting

Wow...

As someone who almost gave up on my marriage years ago, went to counseling and 18 years later is happily married to the same guy, I just gotta say, slow down!

Things might not be as you think.

Time for a conversation, an honest one to figure out what's going on.

Hope things work out for you.

I need time to think! And all I keep thinking about is that I shouldn't be in the situation to need to think about this!

Yeah definitely slow down and make sure you have all the facts of the situation.

There are plenty of stories of people that have done counseling and have made it work.

I was married for about 6 years when he had the first affair and then I found the second one right at the 10 year mark. Marriage is a lot of work on both parts. After the last affair that broke up the marriage, going through the phone records there were others. I do not know how many more as I got tired of pointless searchings after the divorce.

You need to make sure you did everything you know you should have done in this situation. If I would have divorced after the first affair (didn't accept the promises and apologies), I would probably forever wondered about the shoulda/coulda/woulda's in life. I know now that I am 100% glad that I got the divorce. I do wish a bit that I would have divorced sooner, but that's a different story. To me, marriage is meant to be for life, so I had to make sure that I tried everything that I could control to make it work. In the end, it does take 2 people. 1 person cannot do it all.

Also we do not have kids so we did not have that aspect to push us to stay together. Good luck! <hugs>

He doesn't want to go to therapy! He says I don't need them telling me what I already know! Really!!!! Ugh

Has he said why he is doing this? What need is this person fulfilling for him?

He doesn't want to go to therapy! He says I don't need them telling me what I already know! Really!!!! Ugh

Honestly, to me, and keep in mind I'm only hearing the small snippets you've posted... I think he's checked out of the relationship. He's taking the easy way out and going to make you do the hard work of requesting the divorce. Since you have kids and more complicated setup, maybe find a divorce attorney that gives the free initial consults to see if this is the path that you want to do as well. I'm so sorry hun. Do your research to figure out what the rules are like in your state for a divorce. Again, this is just my opinion, not knowing you or your history. Just the small tidbits of the story you've posted.