honest desires....

[readyanxiousscared 57]

Hey guys! I was thinking on my way to work about some of the comments I've read since starting this journey. Many ppl have stated both on here and on Facebook that for them this was never about being thin/slim. I believe these ppl are in denial especially if they have never been thin/slim. I will be extremely honest about what I want from this procedure because this is a safe place and I feel there are too many ppl who feel the same.

I desire to wear a size that does not limit where I shop

I desire to see my feet when I look down

I want to be able to pull my knees to my chest

I want to NOT FEEL AS IF EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT THE FAT GIRL THAT JUST ENTERED THE ROOM, and FEELING JUDGED especially with a group of skinny bitches

I want to go up several flights of stairs without falling out once I reach the top

I want to see my damn collar bone

THE MOST IMPORTANT REASONS....

1. I want to be rid of the damn PCOS and they weight loss is the only way

2. I want to have babies one day

3. I want my future children to have a healthy mom to look up to

[Amarie812 11]

I totally feel you on this post.. some of your issues are similar to mines like being limited to wear I shop especially since things can be so much more expensive if you want quality plus size clothing and just not feel self conscious because I know how big I really look and feel lol. But most of all im worried about my health. I fear of cutting life short because of my weight

[Bufflehead 6,358]

I know for many people this surgery is about their health, first and foremost. But when I went in for my psych evaluation and was asked why I wanted the surgery, I was honest:

--my number one reason was to lead a more normal life, i.e., shop in regular sized clothing stores, be able to fit into any chair without worrying, be able to ride roller coasters, not have to purchase an extra airline seat or use a seat belt extender, not feel like people are staring at me and judging me, which made me want to be invisible -- and was leading me into a more and more socially isolated life.

--my number two reason was to feel better about the way I looked overall, to not hate my body any more and try to avoid looking at it.

--my number three reason was for health.

The psychologist thought this was perfectly normal and appropriate btw.

[sassypants 674]

I am one of the never set out to be skinny types.
Complete honesty never actually thought I would lose this much weight, we never set a goal I was asked if I had one I said umm smaller and healthy.
I had no goal I still don’t my ticker has one because I needed one to have it but would I cry if I never got to 190? No honestly I wouldn’t other than my belly which is a lot of skin I am pretty small all over as I am right now past 6-8 months has been small steady weight loss been between the same sizes in clothes for about 10 months now so really to me nothing has changed other than I got lighter on the scale.
Sure it’s a hey now that’s cool! But I honestly do not have a target or goal weight I have to reach to be happy with this process.
I was over 400lbs I had no life for real I did not hardly ever leave my house unless I was going in a car and then I need to know I would be sitting and not walking much or standing when I got to my destination.
I had sleep apnoea and because of my pcos and not having periods for over 7 years I was in the middle of being testing and discussing treatment for womb cancer as I was having borderline results over and over.
So I wanted a life to not have my own body choke me in my sleep and a side result of the hormones releasing that’s stored in my fat cells meant I didn’t have to have treatment to reverse the borderline results my own body did it.
Of course I wanted to be smaller but never thought in my head I would be a skinny size 8.

[aNewTanya 109]

I don't want to be thin. That's honesty. I want to healthy and happy. I don't have a goal weight. I have several goals but no targeted weight.

[Comfy_Blue 285]

My honest desires:

1. I want to not be afraid/ashamed to post pictures of myself on Facebook because I don't want people to see how big I've gotten

2. To have a healthy pregnancy

3. To completely rid myself of sleep apnea

4. To no longer be the "fat" one of my friends (in HS, my friend Jane was chunky and I was thin. Now she's super thin thanks to a Vegan diet and I was chunky and I could tell she delighted a little in that. Looking forward to getting back to my old, thin self and having her see me)

5. No longer avoiding my husband's work/family gatherings because I am embarassed about being the fattest woman in the room and/or that people are like, "DANG, his wife has a pretty face and nice personality, but she looks a lot bigger than in the photos"

6. Being able to buy clothes without trying them on first (I've actually done this several times so far and it feels great)

7. For my knees to stop crunching from the excess weight

8. Even though I'm sure I will always see my imperfections, I am proud of how I look and enjoy seeing my slimming form in the mirror

[readyanxiousscared 57]

My honest desires:

1. I want to not be afraid/ashamed to post pictures of myself on Facebook because I don't want people to see how big I've gotten

2. To have a healthy pregnancy

3. To completely rid myself of sleep apnea

4. To no longer be the "fat" one of my friends (in HS, my friend Jane was chunky and I was thin. Now she's super thin thanks to a Vegan diet and I was chunky and I could tell she delighted a little in that. Looking forward to getting back to my old, thin self and having her see me)

5. No longer avoiding my husband's work/family gatherings because I am embarassed about being the fattest woman in the room and/or that people are like, "DANG, his wife has a pretty face and nice personality, but she looks a lot bigger than in the photos"

6. Being able to buy clothes without trying them on first (I've actually done this several times so far and it feels great)

7. For my knees to stop crunching from the excess weight

8. Even though I'm sure I will always see my imperfections, I am proud of how I look and enjoy seeing my slimming form in the mirror

Don't you ever let anyone tell you #4 is shallow or vain. We ALL have that one person who we want to see us once we've reached a point where we are not only comfortable but feel completely fabulous.

[stephL 12]

I just signed up on here today and the honesty in all of the above comments is refreshing. I have always been the "fat kid" and all my life I heard from friends and family that I would be so pretty if I would just lose weight. So I always though that the only way I could be attractive is to be thin. Although my main goal is to be healthy, I would like to look into the mirror and not see the "fat kid" looking back at me. And I would like to be able to cross my legs.

[totaloser 75]

I certainly had and have the desire to be thin but for me I didn't dare say it because I was afraid it wouldn't happen. I have been fat all my life and I couldn't even imagine thin! I was filled with self doubt. Even now I can look in the mirror and see my reflection in my size 6 jeans and I can see that I am thin but in my mind I am still the fat girl. It's ridiculous I know. The mental and emotional part of this has been tough for me. I have no regrets as I feel better than I have ever felt. Keep your support systems close. Go to support groups and read read read the forums.

[readyanxiousscared 57]

I certainly had and have the desire to be thin but for me I didn't dare say it because I was afraid it wouldn't happen. I have been fat all my life and I couldn't even imagine thin! I was filled with self doubt. Even now I can look in the mirror and see my reflection in my size 6 jeans and I can see that I am thin but in my mind I am still the fat girl. It's ridiculous I know. The mental and emotional part of this has been tough for me. I have no regrets as I feel better than I have ever felt. Keep your support systems close. Go to support groups and read read read the forums.

Tell me more about the mental and emotional struggle. I too have been fat all my life and even when I would loose 20lbs and 've the smallest I've ever been I still felt as if I was at my largest.

[readyanxiousscared 57]

I certainly had and have the desire to be thin but for me I didn't dare say it because I was afraid it wouldn't happen. I have been fat all my life and I couldn't even imagine thin! I was filled with self doubt. Even now I can look in the mirror and see my reflection in my size 6 jeans and I can see that I am thin but in my mind I am still the fat girl. It's ridiculous I know. The mental and emotional part of this has been tough for me. I have no regrets as I feel better than I have ever felt. Keep your support systems close. Go to support groups and read read read the forums.

Tell me more about the mental and emotional struggle. I too have been fat all my life and even when I would loose 20lbs and 've the smallest I've ever been I still felt as if I was at my largest.

[totaloser 75]

I still have the fat girl mentality. Every compliment I second guess. My head tells me that people are just being kind. I still have alot of self doubt. I see my reflection in the mirror and it's unbelievable how small I am getting but I just can't wrap my head around it at times. I never thought this could happen for me. I deal with shame of having to turn to weightloss surgery instead of doing it on my own. I deal with guilt for making my family deal with my lifestyle changes. It's getting better but it takes time and support. I have an emotional connection to food. food was my go to for happiness, sadness, anger, you name it and it was my crutch. Now I'm not physically capable of turning to food for my emotions but I still have that thought process. Food was my drug of choice and I have to battle that addiction continually. I have learned that I eat to live instead of living to eat but it has been hard and at times really depressing. I used to really enjoy food. I don't any more. I guess I am mourning that loss. I can have a taste here and there of the bad stuff but it's not the same and honestly I am so afraid of falling back into old habits I stay away from it.

Reading the forum is so helpful because it's filled with people who are going through the same things and are at different points in their journeys. I haven't been one to post alot but it sure has helped and inspired me to read others posts. As I am getting more comfortable with myself I will start to open up more. Thanks for your response and I wish you the best!

[stephL 12]

I think you are so used to being overweight that it is hard to accept the new you. I have the same fear. I have been a size 22 for so long that I can not even begin to have the image in the mirror be thinner. I think some visits to the psychologist is a good idea. Do they address issues like this in the pre-op process? I have a lot of issues (more like luggage) that have caused my weight to be my shield and losing that, honestly scares me. I am currently going through "trauma therapy" that has been very helpful so far. I know I am not ready to go under the knife yet but, I know this is the right decision for me. I have done a lot of research on the psychology of weight loss and it's insane the info out there. I am going back to college this fall to get my degree in psychology and hope to be in a bariatric setting. Hope all this makes sense, sorry for the random thoughts.

[readyanxiousscared 57]

Girlfriend i had to figure out that is what this forum is for, a safe place to express the things we think and feel that our family and friends may not understand. Hell I thought all overweight ppl felt the same about weight loss and/or an addiction to food but I have learned that is not the case. You made a decision to take thee step, the one that jump started the divorce proceedings between you and food. Your fam will love you for it and you will too just give it time. I have a strong belief that the pleasure you find in being smaller and healthier will eventually take the place of mourning a faithful yet harmful friend...FOOD.

[totaloser 75]

I think you are so used to being overweight that it is hard to accept the new you. I have the same fear. I have been a size 22 for so long that I can not even begin to have the image in the mirror be thinner. I think some visits to the psychologist is a good idea. Do they address issues like this in the pre-op process? I have a lot of issues (more like luggage) that have caused my weight to be my shield and losing that, honestly scares me. I am currently going through "trauma therapy" that has been very helpful so far. I know I am not ready to go under the knife yet but, I know this is the right decision for me. I have done a lot of research on the psychology of weight loss and it's insane the info out there. I am going back to college this fall to get my degree in psychology and hope to be in a bariatric setting. Hope all this makes sense, sorry for the random thoughts.

This was addressed in my preop process however I couldn't really imagine what it was like until I reached that point. Meeting with a psychologist was part of my preop requirement. One thing I didn't do prior to surgery and I wish I would have is to attend support groups. There are people there living it now and the more you prepare before hand the less surprises you'll have as things come up. Trauma therapy is great. You are dealing with your issues now and that's what you have to do. Good luck!