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How did you handle telling everyone about your surgery



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I did tell them is wasn't anything serious. I had the same cancer thought as you.

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I wish I had kept my mouth shut that's for sure.

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I am 2 days post op. I chose to tell my family and 2 more friends who have been discreet about it. People's opinions truly don't matter to me. My choice to be discreet was to avoid negative opinions and negative stories. This whole process took me a year in total and every kind of test under the sun which was nerve racking enough. Didn't need more on my plate. I have always feared doctors, or maybe just what they might find wrong with me so this whole process was based on facing my fears and finishing what I started. My surgery was 4/2 but I had two dates before that, 2/5 was my first scheduled date but was sent for a sleep study to check for sleep apnea. They were right. I ended up with a CPAP machine. Then I was scheduled for 3/19 and was cancelled because I had a cold. I was starting to doubt my decision because of all the roadblocks. My surgeons assistant convinced me not to throw in the towel. I can honestly say I am glad I didn't. I look forward to watching the weight drop and fitting into so many clothes I put away, and buying new ones!!

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I use discretion and my intuition to decide who to tell and when. I waited to tell my close brother until 2 weeks before surgery because I knew he would try to talk me out of it. At first he was angry I had not told him sooner but when he realized his anger stemmed from lacking the opportunity to talk me out of it he sort of laughed in recognition. He later confessed he did not want me to have the surgery but is very glad I did and told me it was the best thing I could have possibly done for my health. I did not hesitate to tell my obese friends because I wanted them to know there is an option for them and that I was available to talk to them if they want more information. My psychiatrist was against it saying it was extreme and why not eat smaller portions and exercise. Hahaha. Gee I never thought of that before

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Continued. Two close friends are natural healers and I felt they would have judgment against it. When I finally told them, I think they were a bit surprised and hurt that I did not trust them enough with that information. People who I know to be big mouths who pressed me for information how I did it, I told the truth: I changed everything in my life including what I ate and the level of exercise I did. Only one close friends surprised me with her reaction." You as are just going to gain it back!" Tho hurtful to hear, I'm glad she said it because I have a reason to prove her wrong. LOL. When I meet new people who I did not know before, part of me wants to say" Hey I used to be obese. Would you have liked me as much then?" obviously I still have some resentments to work through. And truthfully, sometimes I am shocked more people don't care about how great I look. Then I realize they truly were my friends before and don't care one way or the other what I look like.

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Good insights K33 - and intuitions about those to tell and not tell, and when. I'm not telling anyone beyond my immediate family, and they're good with it, but since my mom is in early stages of alzheimers, I'm aware she could say something at church unintentionally - so i'm hoping to heck she doesn't!

And by the way - if a psychiatrist who had seen me on any sort of ongoing basis and knew my struggle with weight EVER said something like that to me, s/he'd be my former shrink. Not okay. I had a doc tell me that when I asked for help with my weight - it was bizarre. He actually asked me in all seriousness if I'd ever thought of trying to diet. I asked if he was serious--and then laid him out about the plethora of diets and other things a 52 year old woman tries before she gets to 285 pounds! Good grief. I never saw him again and changed docs immediately.

Finally, I loved what you said about realizing some friends don't mention how good you look - simply because they "don't care how you look" --I agree. Some see me as a person, not the some of my pounds. Thank goodness and well said!

Kate

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Nobody know what I did. I did this surgery for me. Yes it was a selfish act but like I said I did it for me. I wanted it for me. My husband thinks I had surgery on my ulcers and my kids just know I had surgery. My family, co workers, and friends also think I had surgery on my ulcers. BUT it wasn't a complete lie. I did have 3 ulcers and the part of my stomach that was removed is where my ulcers were. So it wasn't a complete lie!!! ;)

Edited by JurneeOfOne

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I've told several people and everyone has been supportive. I'm not announcing it to the world, but I'm not keeping it a secret, either. My opinion is that I'm doing what is necessary to get healthy. Nothing shameful in that!

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    • BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
      I had to make a lot of phone calls to both the surgeon's office and the insurance company and explain my rights and what the maximum out of pocket costs were that I could be liable for. Also had to remind them that it isn't my place to be taking care of all of this and that I was going to escalate things if they could not play nice with one another.
      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
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    • BeanitoDiego

      Some days I feel like an infiltrator... I'm participating in society as a "thin" person. They have no idea that I haven't always been one of them! 🤣
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    • ChunkCat

      Thank you everyone for your well wishes! I totally forgot I wrote an update here... I'm one week post op today. I gained 15 lbs in water weight overnight because they had to give me tons of fluids to bring my BP up after surgery! I stayed one night in the hospital. Everything has been fine except I seem to have picked up a bug while I was there and I've been running a low grade fever, coughing, and a sore throat. So I've been hydrating well and sleeping a ton. So far the Covid tests are negative.
      I haven't been able to advance my diet past purees. Everything I eat other than tofu makes me choke and feels like trying to swallow rocks. They warned me it would get worse before it gets better, so lets hope this is all normal. I have my follow up on Monday so we'll see. Living on shakes and soup again is not fun. I had enough of them the first time!! LOL 
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    • BeanitoDiego

      Still purging all of the larger clothing. This morning, a shirt that I ADORED wearing ended up on top. Hard to let it go, but it was also hard to let go of those habits that also no longer serve my highest good. Onward and upward!
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    • Onedayatatime365

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