Financial Infidelity & Husbands

[Elisabethsew 50]

Whatever happened to husbands that believed they should support the family while the wife raises the children? Sigh.

It's called life. Mortgage payments, tuition payments, sports activities, taxes, food, utilities... VERY hard to do on a single salary.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Whatever happened to husbands that believed they should support the family while the wife raises the children? Sigh.

It's called life. Mortgage payments, tuition payments, sports activities, taxes, food, utilities... VERY hard to do on a single salary.

That is so true, but when Tina and I decided that we did not want strangers raising our child, I got a second job and also was was at the top of the list for overtime hours worked for mechanics year in and year out.

One time I worked overtime 65 straight days. I worked the midnight to 8:30 am shift and then went to my part-time job which was as a auto parts delivery truck driver from 9 am to 1 pm. I was home by 1:45 and in bed by 2 or 2:30. The phone would ring at 6 pm to ask me if I wanted to come in "Pre-Shift" and of course I said "yes", got up, ate, washed, got dressed and drove to work to start 4 hours early.

I would also come in to work on my days off. I only worked 4 days a week at my part time job, so I was able to take Tina shopping (she doesn't drive). It was difficult, but we agreed it was worth it. Our son now owns his own business and we are proud of him, even though he complains that I wasn't there for his school concerts and awards very often. I did play basketball and football with him and teach him how to play baseball. And I took him on my motorcycle for long rides and to the drag strip. But the hours were precious both in endearing terms and in time needed terms.

[green 6]

Anyone have a spouse making more money than owns up to?

What did you do?

I choose to confront and the lies started- I am currently PISSED!

I dont want the money- just dont lie about it or feel the need not to be to tell me.

If your a guy why would you lie?

In my case, I was the grrl who kept silent about the amount of money she had for many, many years. It has only been over the past few years that I have been coming clean about my finances with my mate, and we have been together for over 20 years now.

This is due to two factors, I believe. The first is that my parents were always extremely cagey about money matters even though they were open about everything else including sex. Throughout my teenage years I believed that we were living on the edge of bankruptcy even though I was in boarding school.:faint: Then I had a bad marriage when I was in my twenties. This taught me to keep my financial information to myself.

Recently a few things have happened to make me open up. I was off work on long-term disability due to depression and my mate was very generous in carrying the majority of the costs of living. Then my mother died and left me a whack of cash and I was offered a cash buy-out as part of an early retirement package. I have come to finally entirely trust my wonderful common-in-law husband because of his love and generosity to me and I have broken free of my paranoia - I guess you could call it that - about my financial affairs.

[BJean 16]

TOM: As I was reading your post about your long hours I was thinking the same thing your son must have said, Where's Dad?

My DH was the first at work and the last to leave. He pushed very hard and went up the ranks quickly. That was very nice monetarily, but he sure missed out on so many things with our kids. I don't think it bothered him until recently. Our grandchildren are a set of 4 yr. old twin boys and a 4 yr. old little girl. He is paying much more attention to them and interacting with them much more than he ever did with his own kids. It sort of breaks my heart to see the pain in his eyes when he realizes what all he missed out on all those years. But his hard work, business savvy and education allowed me to be home with the kids most of the time. I did work off and on but in a job that had flexible hours - real estate. I LOVED having an income. It made me less dependent on him which he interestingly enough, didn't like.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

TOM: As I was reading your post about your long hours I was thinking the same thing your son must have said, Where's Dad?

My DH was the first at work and the last to leave. He pushed very hard and went up the ranks quickly. That was very nice monetarily, but he sure missed out on so many things with our kids. I don't think it bothered him until recently. Our grandchildren are a set of 4 yr. old twin boys and a 4 yr. old little girl. He is paying much more attention to them and interacting with them much more than he ever did with his own kids. It sort of breaks my heart to see the pain in his eyes when he realizes what all he missed out on all those years. But his hard work, business savvy and education allowed me to be home with the kids most of the time. I did work off and on but in a job that had flexible hours - real estate. I LOVED having an income. It made me less dependent on him which he interestingly enough, didn't like.

Tina would complain before every Christmas, each wedding anniversay and each one of my birthdays, that she wanted to get a part-time job so she could use "her money" to buy me a gift. But, I always assured her that the money I brought home was "our money" not "my money".

I spent time with my son, but sometimes could not get the time off for special events. I did miss them, but choices have to be made. I guess I should have chosen to be the son of a Rockefeller, a Dupont or a Bush.

[BJean 16]

Yeah. I always complained to my parents because they weren't independently wealthy. I often wished I were an only child too. I was the youngest of four. Not much left for the littlest one. Hand-me-downs were awful because I never actually grew into them.

The only real fights my parents had were over money... and the lack of it. Some of those were knock-down-drag-out doozies! My Dad reminded me of Ralph Cramden.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Yeah. I always complained to my parents because they weren't independently wealthy. I often wished I were an only child too. I was the youngest of four. Not much left for the littlest one. Hand-me-downs were awful because I never actually grew into them.

The only real fights my parents had were over money... and the lack of it. Some of those were knock-down-drag-out doozies! My Dad reminded me of Ralph Cramden.

One Day Alice...Wam Bam, right to the Moon!!:violin:

[gonnabethin 10]

Let me start my telling that my husband is by far the luckiest married man. We do have seperate finances from previous baggage- both married before. I pay for all the household expenses and Mtg since it was my house we choose to stay in after marrying. He pays for Insurance auto and health, animal expenses and all of our "play" money from eating out, movies, and shooting sports. And we USE it!! Stingy he is not.

Luckily for me or him however you look at it- the checkstub I found while cleaning was a one time event. (bank verified)

It had a bonus on it and was more than disclosed but Im ok with that - everyone likes to feel like they have extra.

I was more upset that his retirement was not where we agreed on- and has been discussed. And hopefully fixed - that is a huge deal since his money is primarily earmarked for play. Luckily we only had to address the 401K increase and not "you lied about how much you make"

Thank you for all the support I love this family!!!

[BJean 16]

gonnabe: Woo hoo! I figured that there was a reasonable explanation. I've thought the worst sometimes when something has come up with my DH over the years and I have always found out that there is a reason and/or good explanation and that I have been too quick to assume something is being hidden from me. We see so much on Oprah and Maury, we don't want to be the last person to know something went wrong. Big sigh of relief and a little embarrassment goes along with something like this, but I guess we all do it.