I got my feelings hurt...no really stabbed in the heart yesterday and have been fighting the urges to eat BAD, real bad sugar and lots of it. That was my coping mechanism before surgery and I don't know how to handle these hurt feelings now. I have already done the things I thought would help...worked out, wrote thoughts down in the journal, talked to a trusted friend but so far nothing is taking away my urges to stuff it down with food. I thought ... go to the forum where others like yourself might be able to help. So HELP me comrades in the fight to be healthy, both body and mind !!!

Laura - interesting your evolution in the sleeve process...I wonder how many people have progessed like that. I have been sitting here thinking how scary it will be to express my feelings as they are happening but how liberating it could be too, and maybe add years and perhaps less wrinkles to my face That might be an interesting post, probably has already been done....how has ones personality, ways you deal with people, especially difficult ones, changed since you had surgery?

I think my thread "life got in the way of the sleeve" touched on it a bit.. I was definitely going through some growing pains with my family.

I was getting some push back that week of wanting the old mom and wife back from my family. You know, the door mat, yep they missed the old me. "Your not the same" "we want you bank to the way you were" they said.

The only problem is that I became a non person that got no respect and didn't even respect myself.

I can see how they miss that person though.

I was easy, easy to ignore easy to push around.

My care went into anything but me.. Now I'm not easy, if you disrespect me slight me or expect unreasonable things from me I will speak out.

I can no longer soothe myself with food. So I talk.

I love my family and they love me so we will grow and get through this, but like everything else we are doing its a work in progress

An old therapist of mine suggested that since soothing myself with food has been my preferred coping mechanism since I was a young child, any substitutes need to also work from a child's perspective. She suggested hugging a giant teddy bear, screaming or crying instead of journaling (too cerebral and not primal enough). I know it sounds crazy but I think there is some truth to it, at least for me.

My advice would be go buy yourself something nice. Something that can make u feel better without eating. Maybe a bracelet. Or a new pair of jeans.

When my husband would upset me I would turn to food for comfort because in the moment it made me feel better. Now? I don't turn to food. I turn on the internet, grab his credit card and shop and I tell him "If you are going to piss me off you are going to lose money because I am using your money to shop with". He doesn't piss me off as much anymore.

Careful because buying can turn into something harmful in your life too. Eventually you do need to really face up to what you are feeling. I'm not saying the occasional credit card spree is a crossover addiction waiting to happen but be aware that it won't really fix the problem either.

When in therapy my therapist would have me ask myself:

What is the worst thing that can really happen? (Like I could die from a broken heart or I could lose this person as a friend or whatever my worst fear is. Even if my adult mind finds it silly. )

How likely is it to happen?

Would I survive it if it did happen?

This was like talking to a small child (myself really) and bringing them out of panic and into calm. It sounds idiotic but it really does help especially for intense emotions.

I understand that but I need to work on one thing at a time and right now I am working on not turning to food for comfort and trying something else that works. This works and my husband hates it when I spend money so now he knows that if he upsets me he is going to lose money so he has been a lot more careful about upsetting me. So it works! Plus, honestly I am not a spender by nature but in the future I do plan to shop (and not on the internet!) but I will be putting limits on myself, giving myself an allowance that works within our budget.

Misty...thanks for the post. The question "What is the worst thing that could happen?" What a good perspective question to ask yourself and I am going to start thinking about that next time something happens that I want to stuff food for emotional reasons. You are right, the adult mind might find it silly but my emotional mind might find it to be just what is needed.