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I'm doing too much and nobody cares!



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I just had surgery 10/21 and my family want or barely help. My house is a mess, I feel claustrophobic. You would think when I start cleaning, cooking, taking care of toddler (cause she can't care for herself), walking the dog, laundry, etc; you would think someone will step up. Then when I ask I get "not right now" then later "I forgot". I'm so freaking frustrated. I can't get no one to take me where I need to go. My income has been delayed no fault of my own. So I have no money. The people I have always been there for are not here for me. I can't believe what I'm going through. I had a plan. What the freak happened. I feel like I'm in a twilight zone. Just had to vent. Time for some serious praying and shutting down some negative vibes.

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I'm sending positive vibes your way. I know what it's like to have no support. But my situation is different. Try calling a meeting and sitting everyone down and just again explaining that if something happens to you then the show stops for everyone. So its in their best interest to help you get through this and after another week or 2 you will feel much better. I just said a prayer for you.

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I'm sorry determined. Family can be so frustrating at times. Do you think expressing your frustrations will help? You could put yourself in serious danger.

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I was sleeved on the 21st also. I'm so sorry you're going through all that. Honesty, with the exception of the toddler, I just flat wouldn't do anything else. The mess will still be there and either someone will step up or you can deal with it when you feel better. Remember you did this for yourself so it's really important to take care of yourself now. If you don't all the crap will just go on longer. Best of luck, I'm pulling for you!

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Show them your scars. The picture will not go out of their heads. Might earn a few minutes rest. You are the rock and they cannot image you needing a break. It stinks. Your not alone. Vent anytime you want!

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I know how you feel. I had back surgery in Jan. 2010 and was not allowed to lift, bend, carry, or do much of anything for weeks. Neither son nor husband got it. I had to do laundry, feed cats, and a ton of other stuff that required bending and lifting. Hubby and son were clueless. It made me so mad.

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sending you a big positive hug. Do not risk hurting yourself!

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This is why I love this app. Thx for the support. I took a shower, blasting my favorite spiritual and motivational playlist, made my announcement that superwoman is down for a week, read my scriptures, and shut my door. Feel so much better now. Nothing like getting in the spirit. Don't know how long this will last but thanks everyone and have a blessed night.

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Good for you!

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I had a melt down one day and said that everyone acts like I'm super woman, I just had major surgery, I'm working two jobs AND trying to do things at home for 4 kids and hubby....I am NOT super woman!!! Can I get a little bit of help around here and maybe just once feel like someone cares enough to try and take care of ME for a change?!? It helped for about 3 days, lol. But man did those 3 days feel good!

Edited by crowsnestmama

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I am so sorry that you're going through this :( did they offer help before hand and are now backing out? Not that either way is ok. It makes me nuts hearing of stories like this because it's such an important and stressful surgery that my first thought is to help those you love so they have every chance to succeed. If I was closer is help you!! Just remember when they want something that you're busy or forgot. They'll get the hint

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Take a deep breath and relax. Right now house work and all the other stuff have to wait. I know you have to do for the baby but thats it. DONT get frustrated you can do this. Ask each and everyone specifically what it is you want them to do and why and if they dont do it there is nothing you can do about it. If the house is in a mess leave it. You dont want to bust your sleeve. You have to get some rest. Thats very important and stay hydrated. Mentally i know this situation is probably on your last nerve but you just had major surgery and you dont want complications simply because you did not do what you were suppose to do regarding home care for your sleeve. Do what you can take care of your little one and forget about the rest. You are gonna do just fine. Remember when you get frustrated take a deep breath and know that this is a positive step forward. Also remember to ask God for strength and patience. He will never leave you. Stay strong because you can do this because God got you.

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A family meeting sounds like a good idea. If that does not work just take care of you and your little one.

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I think they got a clue. I think a family meeting will help. I have to remember everyone is not like me and let them help in their own way and time. And when they say mommy/honey go sit down that's my que and I need to sit down, be patient and let it go. I thank God for all your prayers and advice. I'm so thankful right now. Love you guys. I'm on a mission to take care of me. Don't know why this is such a challenge, but I can't help nobody if things get worse and I'm all jacked up.

Had a good day of rest. I did have to go to the store for food for ME, my cousin came by and gave me the money she owed me but did not apologize for the offensive things she said to me, acting like nothing happened so I went with it. My oldest daughter stepped up cooked dinner and keep the little one with her. Yes I have a teen and tot B-). I put honey bun on the couch and resting watching AFV getting my laugh on. Ooh yea ;-)

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    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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