female only How do I tell him I am not interested?

[Indigo1991 1,612]

As some of you know, I separated from my ex three years ago after 30 years together.

Only plucked up the courage to have a first date three months ago, which was three months after surgery. Biggest issue was he had same name as ex, so he became G2.

Was ok but not great experience. After first date, he told me there was no romantic spark then after date 2, he decided there was and got keen! However, after that, and him wearing denim cut offs to a nice restaurant for Sunday lunch (oh dear), I quietly put him to one side and haven't seen him since. He occasionally texted but I was cool and made excuse after excuse not to see him. All went quiei about four weeks ago so I thought that was that.

Recently met a nice guy and we have a date in a week's time (even typing thst makes me hyperventilate, lol). You couldn't make it up but he has the same name as ex too, so he's G3!

But out of the blue, G2 texted last night to ask me out to the cinema. I don't want to go and thought he had already got the message that I am not interested. But I actually don't know how to tell him that without being too blunt or hurting him....

Thoughts/tips/form of words for this clueless woman would be greatly appreciated.... :-))))

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

How a b out "I have met someone and exploring if it will go anywhere so not currently dating but thank you so much for the invite."

[ChihuahuaMom 23]

Texting to ask for a date is sort of the weenie's way out, as far as I'm concerned. Unless he has never been the type to call, I would probably let it go. My guess is he will get the message with no reply & maybe he was afraid of the possibility of rejection is why he choose to text.

If he turns into a pest with the texting, then by all means text him back that while you enjoyed his company you don't wish to pursue anything further. I don't know if I'd mention the new guy. It may open up hope that if things fall through with G3 then he still has a shot.

[ItsMe2033 143]

Often the kindest thing may involve inflicting a little pain. I think if he had the capability of picking up subtle hints of disinterest he would have already picked up on them by now. I think that what Jane suggests will work, for a while, but since he won't pick up on the subtle hints you've already given him, I think telling him that you are exploring something with someone else right now only invites him to contact you again in a few months to see where he stands.

I think if you kindly told him where he stood, he would be less inclined to pursue you later. Something along the lines of "I enjoyed meeting you, but I just don't think we have enough in common to go out anymore." It's courteous, it doesn't waste his time by leaving him any room to believe that there could be a future together, and it doesn't place any blame on him. Furthermore, it's the truth.

[Satchel 42]

I agree with ItsMe2033. I would not text him back, however, if he calls you, I would be direct and to the point. Tell him, "Thanks for the invitation, but I am not interested, as we really have nothing more in common." The less said, the better.

[mistysj 1,940]

Hurting his feelings? The guy who told you after the first date that there was no spark? Why are you being so much nicer than he is. Just a simple no thanks will do nicely.

[aliekat55 157]

Be blunt and clear but not mean. guys are dense, we need clarity. it is the kindest thing. dont string him along with excuses because he wont get the hint. we are a rather shallow bunch. IMHO

[MichiganChic 3,262]

Sounds like a good problem to have

[McButterpants 2,846]

Text him back and say, "I suggest you look for your spark somewhere else, that's what I'm doing."

[LBD 121]

The third G's a charm! Agreed, just be honest & tell him that you are dating someone else... It was very early in your relationship, so he shouldn't be too hurt anyway. After a little bit, he will probably appreciate your honesty... He sure was honest about his feelings towards you! Maybe phrase it like that... "You were honest with me about our lack of chemistry... So I feel like I need to be just as clear with you. I am dating someone else, and I wish you the best." Good luck!

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Thank you all so much!

I am going to leave it a couple of days, then text him to say no thanks and that I am dating elsewhere - no details but enough to let him know I am not available. Won't mention G3....

Love all the comments about telling him I am finding my spark/chemistry elsewhere, lol! Reading them, what a nerve he had saying that to me - but I wouldn't take that from anyone now....

Thanks again x

[Tikvah 70]

Not a female, but this is an analogy I heard in "Moneyball" when it came to firing an underling. I think its true..

"Would you rather get one shot in the head or five in the chest and bleed to death?" You can rectify the situation with one sentence or make it more of a situation than it needs to be.

Be honest, let the guy know that you are not interested so you both can go along with your merry lives. Not being direct will only make it linger on and therefore make it worse.

Edited October 20, 2013 by Tikva

[gamergirl 4,610]

I love Jane's suggestion. I will also say from both my own experience as well as based on what some of my male friends do, that the random text after a week of no contact? Is a booty call. He's bored, he doesn't have a date, he decides to see what you're up to. So definitely time to put a stop to it. I could be wrong but I could also be very, very right.

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Tikva, spot on! I intend to be direct otherwise he will just come back like a boomerang. Thanks for the words of wisdom.

[supbanana 153]

Seriously, just be direct and honest. "Thank you, but I'm not interested."