Doc was pleasantly surprised!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

In 2009 I had to have some emergency surgery because I hemorrhaged for almost a year....It got so bad I was finally rushed in to see a specialist and he treated me for this problem......He treated me as if I was a low life who did not deserve his help...He did not want to help me at that time and was very forward with this thoughts regarding obese people....I told him when I left that I would never be back in his office again as he was a mean but talented son of a b#^%&h.

Well, I was sent back to him by my GP and he was so different to me...He was kind and thoughtful and commended me on my huge weight loss....He did not remember me personally but had my file and quickly looked up my information.....

He was so gentle and understanding I started to cry...All I could think of is why would he be so mean to someone who needed his help like I did in 2009...I wept for those who he has seen over the years like me whom he treated poorly...And for those who would come after me....My thoughts and nerves were all over the place as he assured me that he would fix me up as good as new again...

More surgeries in my near future....As if 11 were not enough....But how can someone be so completely different because of how someone looks...This is prejudice of the worst kind!

I am thinking that when I see him again which will be soon I am going to ask him why he thought I was a different person back then then I am now. How he was able to judge me as unworthy of his help. Why he did not want to help me back then but was forced to!

They take an oath of do no harm and then decide it does not apply to over weight people.....I am so emotional over this day I can hardly stand it.....I am very sad that anyone looks at the shell of a person and decides that they are not worth their time....

Night and day..What a difference!!!!!!!!!

[nepagirl 24]

I think you should absolutely bring this up to him. He needs to know that his obvious prejudice against obese people is affecting his practice AND you need to hear an apology from him. I am not suggesting you should ask for an apology; I think he'll offer one voluntarily once he is reminded how nasty he was.

That said, I'll play devil's advocate: is it possible he was reacting to you not seeking help while you hemorrhaging for a whole year? That your weight plus waiting a year meant to him that he was fighting for a lost cause? I imagine that could frustrate a doctor. Now that you have obviously taken steps to improve you (congrats, btw), it's clearer to him that you are taking your health as seriously as he is.

Believe me, his nastiness towards you was unnecessary and counterproductive. There was no good excuse for it. However, doctors are human. I caught my doctor rolling her eyes a few years ago. I was offended until I realized I was b***hing and moaning about back and ankle pain, and trouble catching my breath...I was almost 280 pounds, loving on soda and Taco Bell, and smoking over a pack a day. All I am suggesting is perhaps you caught him on a very human day.

(He should still apologize, though)

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I think you should absolutely bring this up to him. He needs to know that his obvious prejudice against obese people is affecting his practice AND you need to hear an apology from him. I am not suggesting you should ask for an apology; I think he'll offer one voluntarily once he is reminded how nasty he was.

That said, I'll play devil's advocate: is it possible he was reacting to you not seeking help while you hemorrhaging for a whole year? That your weight plus waiting a year meant to him that he was fighting for a lost cause? I imagine that could frustrate a doctor. Now that you have obviously taken steps to improve you (congrats, btw), it's clearer to him that you are taking your health as seriously as he is.

Believe me, his nastiness towards you was unnecessary and counterproductive. There was no good excuse for it. However, doctors are human. I caught my doctor rolling her eyes a few years ago. I was offended until I realized I was b***hing and moaning about back and ankle pain, and trouble catching my breath...I was almost 280 pounds, loving on soda and Taco Bell, and smoking over a pack a day. All I am suggesting is perhaps you caught him on a very human day.

(He should still apologize, though)

I had been to the hospital several times over that year trying to get help....they gave me meds to stop it. but never suggested a specialist until they finally said okay this is enough..You need to see a specialist..I was in there in less then a week.

Sometimes you really have to literally have your head in your hands to be helped.....This was the case for me!

I could feel his distaste for me because of my weight..And it hurt! He did his job but only after my husband lost his temper and demanded he do the surgery needed.....

Like I said the man is amazing at what he does...He had no manners for me then...Now...He had manners galore and it hurt!

[Thick'n'Thin 171]

I don't know if I am bold enough to do it, particularly without losing control of my emotions and becoming a blubbering mess, but if I could? I would totally bring it up. Perhaps you can offer him a moment of reflection on himself that will help others.

Guilt and shame are powerful emotions, and can prevent us from seeking help when we think we will be judged. I am only here now, seeking the sleeve, because an eager new nurse practitioner had the guts to broach the subject. I was embarrassed (even cried) but he was caring, compassionate, and had some logical points to make about the benefits of having surgery now while I am still younger and without any health issues (thank God). Finding a PCP and staff who are caring and non-judgemental has helped me overcome personal anxieties that have kept me from seeking medical help as much as I should.

Sorry, gone on a tangent there (LOL). I hope putting a mirror to this surgeons behavior can lead to changes that will benefit people the way my new young NP and his care have helped me trust and seek medical help without fear or judgement.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Thick'n'Thin

[nepagirl 24]

I had been to the hospital several times over that year trying to get help....they gave me meds to stop it. but never suggested a specialist until they finally said okay this is enough..You need to see a specialist..I was in there in less then a week.

Sometimes you really have to literally have your head in your hands to be helped.....This was the case for me!

I could feel his distaste for me because of my weight..And it hurt! He did his job but only after my husband lost his temper and demanded he do the surgery needed.....

Like I said the man is amazing at what he does...He had no manners for me then...Now...He had manners galore and it hurt!

Then never mind what I said. He needs to be told about himself, because that is all kinds of rude!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

I don't know if I am bold enough to do it, particularly without losing control of my emotions and becoming a blubbering mess, but if I could? I would totally bring it up. Perhaps you can offer him a moment of reflection on himself that will help others.

Guilt and shame are powerful emotions, and can prevent us from seeking help when we think we will be judged. I am only here now, seeking the sleeve, because an eager new nurse practitioner had the guts to broach the subject. I was embarrassed (even cried) but he was caring, compassionate, and had some logical points to make about the benefits of having surgery now while I am still younger and without any health issues (thank God). Finding a PCP and staff who are caring and non-judgemental has helped me overcome personal anxieties that have kept me from seeking medical help as much as I should.

Sorry, gone on a tangent there (LOL). I hope putting a mirror to this surgeons behavior can lead to changes that will benefit people the way my new young NP and his care have helped me trust and seek medical help without fear or judgement.

That is amazing...I have always believed that you can talk about anything as long as you are tactful and caring...Your nurse showed true compassion...I hope he keeps it!!!

[ItsMe2033 143]

....

I am thinking that when I see him again which will be soon I am going to ask him why he thought I was a different person back then then I am now. How he was able to judge me as unworthy of his help. Why he did not want to help me back then but was forced to!

....

This may sound like I'm suggesting that you should not be true to your feelings, but if you need his help I would let him help you and not say anything until your problem has been resolved. Then on your last visit you could ask him why he has behaved that way.

Edited October 18, 2013 by ItsMe2033

[sharika 62]

There is a thread on here called "Ted Talk - Insulin Resistance andObesity". You MUST watch it. It is about a doctor who treated an obese patient with contempt and now regrets it. So powerful and so like your situation.

[gamergirl 4,609]

There is a thread on here called "Ted Talk - Insulin Resistance andObesity". You MUST watch it. It is about a doctor who treated an obese patient with contempt and now regrets it. So powerful and so like your situation.

Rj it's in the research and statistics section.

My experience wasn't as heart breaking as yours but I am seriously thinking of having a conversation with my rheumatologist. He was very excited about my weight loss. But when I asked him f he ever recommended it to patients, he said he didn't because most patients he saw regained it and he thought WLS doesn't work in the long run.

For once, I was dumbstruck. But now, I want to educate him. I want him to know that 95% of those who lose weight on their own will out it back on and more. In contrast only about half of WLS patients put back about 10-20% or thereabouts of the weight they lost. I want him to know that saying something like that to someone who is newly sleeved, is not NICE. And that he is letting his back of education about WLS preventing him from helping his older, less mobile, overweight, arthritic patients.

I just haven't figured out exactly how to say it all without making him feel attacked. Sigh.

[Brighteyes 237]

Be brave, tell him what a true SOB he is. Maybe it will help him see things from another perspective.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

There is a thread on here called "Ted Talk - Insulin Resistance andObesity". You MUST watch it. It is about a doctor who treated an obese patient with contempt and now regrets it. So powerful and so like your situation.

I will probably cry through the entire thing.....i can't stand how people are treated sometimes....My daughter told me that they have 2 extremely obese people on her floor and the name calling is horrible...One is called and the other is called Moby.....I just wanted to cry.....I watched a video on CBC about Drs. who use code names for obese people and some of the comments were utterly repulsive.....I wonder how many times they gave me a pet name when I had to bother them with a extreme health issue...No wonder people don't go and end up dying!

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

Rj it's in the research and statistics section.

My experience wasn't as heart breaking as yours but I am seriously thinking of having a conversation with my rheumatologist. He was very excited about my weight loss. But when I asked him f he ever recommended it to patients, he said he didn't because most patients he saw regained it and he thought WLS doesn't work in the long run.

For once, I was dumbstruck. But now, I want to educate him. I want him to know that 95% of those who lose weight on their own will out it back on and more. In contrast only about half of WLS patients put back about 10-20% or thereabouts of the weight they lost. I want him to know that saying something like that to someone who is newly sleeved, is not NICE. And that he is letting his back of education about WLS preventing him from helping his older, less mobile, overweight, arthritic patients.

I just haven't figured out exactly how to say it all without making him feel attacked. Sigh.

Will look it up when I am stronger..don't want to feel worse then I already do at this moment......

[gamergirl 4,609]

Will look it up when I am stronger..don't want to feel worse then I already do at this moment......

(((Hugs)))

[sharika 62]

It won't make you feel worse. It will give you faith in humanity and doctors again.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

It won't make you feel worse. It will give you faith in humanity and doctors again.

Watched it...a few times...that was very good! I have always found in life that sooner or later things come back to bite you in the ass.....Sad he had to feel such pain...but very glad he has been able to use the experience and make it a life's work....So many people will benefit......