This topic was brought up in the HPV vaccine thread, and I wanted to get everybody's opinion on it.

I think that sex before marriage is not necessarily a bad thing. I think it, along with living together, gives couples a chance to see what their marriage might be like. Sex is a huge part of marriage, and bad sex can undermine a marriage, IMO. Plus, it helps you figure out if what you are feeling is true love or just plain lust.

I personally believe that the push to make teens abstain until marriage may actually be contributing to the high divorce rate. If people think that they have to be married to have sex, I think they might rush into a marriage because they might not know the difference between lust and love. Take my former roommate, for example. She and her boyfriend dated for 4 years before they got married. To my knowledge, they were both virgins when they married. They separated within 6 months of marrying and were officially divorced the day before their first anniversary. I really believe that the disgrace in having sex before marriage and living together (he was Mormon) contributed to the failure of their marriage. I think that if they had been allowed to see what each other was truly like, apart from dates, they wouldn't have gotten married.

After heart surgery and menopause, I think sex takes too much energy. I'd rather take a nap.

BOH....you are too funny. I vote for sex first, then the nap.

PS....how do you know when you've gone thru menopause, if you had your uterus removed years ago? I've never had hot flashes....are there other symptoms? Do you just assume, once you reach a certain age, that you are post-menopausal?

I think that if someone can wait until marriage it is great. however I do not think its realisitic in this day and age . ( same thing I said on the HPV thread) I was very young when i lost my virginity . Do i regret it ? yes, but I regret to who it was with . I wish I had waited a bit longer. I also think that if your a parent THE MOST important thing you can do for your child is sure teach them about waiting BUT Teach them to PROTECT THEMSELVES. JUST BECAUSE you do not belive in pre marital sex does not mean you should not teach them about protecting themselves IF they decide to have sex. Because realistically the data shows They WILL have sex before they get married.

I also would not marry anyone I did not live with FIRST . How do you know if you can live with someon if you dont LIVE With them first? I lived with someone before that i thought was the love of my life , i thought we were going to get married , after 3 months guess what ? He BEAT THE HELL OUT OF ME . What would have happened if i had married him FIRST ? It takes time for peoples TRUE personalities to come out even after dating, it takes time for you to know someone when you live with them .

There is my 2 cents lol

Mindy

Here's my two cents on the issue: I lost my virginity only a few weeks ago to a man that I thought loved me and I loved him. We were planning on getting married. Yes, we are both Mormons and don't believe in sex before marriage. I was ADAMANT that I wouldn't have sex before marriage because it's part of my belief system... but the fact that we did it before marriage ruined everything. He didn't respect me and I didn't respect him after we did it. It killed the relationship. IF we had waited until after marriage, things would have been different. And IF we had chosen to break up, without doing the dirty deed, I'd not be feeling nearly as much heartache and longing for him as I do now. In my opinion, waiting til marriage just makes it a much more special event.

Oh, puddin, I'm so sorry for what you've gone through. Just remember that every one of us has sinned in one way or another and this certainly isn't unforgiveable -- to God, yourself, AND your future spouse (whoever that might be). Let this experience help you learn where to draw boundries in a future relationship, and also let it help you to be compassionate with others who have been through similar situations.

Thank you. I know I can repent. It's getting over him that I'm worried about. Do you think that I can ever open my heart to someone else again? I'm still very much in love with this other man, but I don't think he loves me back any more. I hate that I compare everyone to him.

I guess since it was me that inadvertently brought this up on the HPV vaccine thread, I should put my $.02 here as well.

I believe sex before marriage is detrimental to the marriage. If you have any questions about why, go read the HPV vaccine thread first in case I've already covered it

Thank you. I know I can repent. It's getting over him that I'm worried about. Do you think that I can ever open my heart to someone else again? I'm still very much in love with this other man, but I don't think he loves me back any more. I hate that I compare everyone to him.

hey girl , how are ya ? Will you love again ? YES . Will you always love him ? Probably . I still love my first love (the one I told you about ) but there are some ppl who can love each other all they want , but not live together.

If he doesnt love you back he's not worthy of you . dont compare other men to HIM compare them to the standards you set for YOURSELF for the man YOU want.

you will get over this and when you do you will look back and think " WHAT was I thinking LOL "

Mindy

Thank you. I know I can repent. It's getting over him that I'm worried about. Do you think that I can ever open my heart to someone else again? I'm still very much in love with this other man, but I don't think he loves me back any more. I hate that I compare everyone to him.

Yes, you will open your heart to someone else again. Right now it's impossible to imagine it because you're wounded -- especially if you still love him.

Have you guys tried to talk through this? Maybe with the assistance of a counselor (whether professional or peer) or pastor? He's probably reeling just as much as you are, so I don't think you can assume that he doesn't love you back -- he might just be really upset with himself, and you're taking that to mean he's upset with you. Now if he's been a jerk to you, that's a different animal altogether. If you don't have anyone to talk to and you'd like to talk to me about this, feel free to PM me and I'll send you my phone number.

Oh I had no idea it would be such an underground comment.

Whippits (a point to Carlene) are the little cannisters of propellant used in whipped cream cans. Nitrous oxide. I didn't know this back then, but they're most commonly injected into balloons using a little transfer device... then the gas is inhaled from the balloon. I used to work for a family-owned music store, and they held a party for all staff (plus about 100 others). Lots of goings-on that I won't specify. We were getting ready to karaoke, and a girlfriend and I thought it would be funny to iunhale some of that helium before we got on stage. Only they weren't helium balloons...

And what happened? Nothing, really. Inhaled, nothing, nothing, our voices weren't chaning and we couldn't figure out why, and then the most intense sensation washed over me. At the time I remember thinking "this is like having 20 orgasms at once". And my knees buckled, and all I could do was stay there, kneeling on the floor, overhwhelmed by the sensation. About 15 seconds later everything was gone and back to normal.

Now all I want to do is make dental appointments when my husband is out of town.

Let me ask you guys this. And this is nothing more than opinion, so please feel free to comment. As I've said, virginity was long gone when I got married, so this isn't about me and you shouldn't feel hesitant to answer because you think it is. And I'm going to ask it outright and not worry about euphamisms, so if direct sex talk bothers you, don't read on.

When you say "sex before marriage" - are you referring only to penal pentration of the vagina? (Mmm, sounds so romantic, eh?) Seriously. Because I know an awful lot of people who participate in sexual acts, but don't consider it sex. And would wear white on their wedding day, just because the man's penis has never penetrated the vagina, regardless of how much oral/anal/tweening/MM/whatever has occured.

(MM = mutual masturbation, and "tweening" is when the penis is stimulated between some body part, e.g. breasts, butt cheeks)

And I know other people who won't do any of this, because "sex is more than penetration", and would consider oral sex the same as losing their virginity.

My question is, Why would you have sex with someone that you're not sure you will marry?

Because sex is fun. And not everyone aspires to be married. I've been in a committed relationship for 11 years now and have no intention of getting married. Yet I'm certainly not going to deny myself (or my boyfriend) the pleasure and intimacy of sex.

My husband and I were both virgins when we were married. Neither of us had kissed, hugged, held hands ect. with anyone else when we started dating.

My question is, Why would you have sex with someone that you're not sure you will marry?

People do have sex with people that they THINK They are going to marry as well. Sometimes things just do not work out . Not everyone who has sex before marriage is running around having one night stands their entire life.

Sometimes people have every intention or think they are going to marry this person and life changes.

Mindy

Because sex is fun. And not everyone aspires to be married. I've been in a committed relationship for 11 years now and have no intention of getting married. Yet I'm certainly not going to deny myself (or my boyfriend) the pleasure and intimacy of sex.

And that too ! LOL

:clap2:

My question is, Why would you have sex with someone that you're not sure you will marry?

Lots of reasons. As some have already mentioned, many don't aspire to be married. Had our situation not been what it was, I don't know what DH and I would be married today, though we would certainly be together. Having sex.

Sex and marriage are completely different faculties. Sex is an act (an immensely enjoyable one) in and of itself. It doesn't need nor define a marriage.

Excuse me to all of you!!!!!

I was just asking a question.

And we were just answering.

Excuse me to all of you!!!!!

I was just asking a question.

No reason for all that, we were just answering the question you asked, no?