This topic was brought up in the HPV vaccine thread, and I wanted to get everybody's opinion on it.

I think that sex before marriage is not necessarily a bad thing. I think it, along with living together, gives couples a chance to see what their marriage might be like. Sex is a huge part of marriage, and bad sex can undermine a marriage, IMO. Plus, it helps you figure out if what you are feeling is true love or just plain lust.

I personally believe that the push to make teens abstain until marriage may actually be contributing to the high divorce rate. If people think that they have to be married to have sex, I think they might rush into a marriage because they might not know the difference between lust and love. Take my former roommate, for example. She and her boyfriend dated for 4 years before they got married. To my knowledge, they were both virgins when they married. They separated within 6 months of marrying and were officially divorced the day before their first anniversary. I really believe that the disgrace in having sex before marriage and living together (he was Mormon) contributed to the failure of their marriage. I think that if they had been allowed to see what each other was truly like, apart from dates, they wouldn't have gotten married.

And we were just answering.

Exactly I thought it was a valid question .

Mindy

No ya'll were being smart.

No ya'll were being smart.

No, my answer was quite honest and sincere. This is, after all, a forum for discussion.

I think it was just enterprise that I felt was being smart.

Oh well Who cares. I deleted all my post.

I just feel like my opinion was not respected.

If i interpreted wrong, so be it. My bad.

No ya'll were being smart.

NO I was not being smart. It sounded like a question you wanted answered to me at least. People ask questions that they do not either relate to or understand things about in hopes to understanding them ? I thought that is what you were doing. As in that was something you did not do or understand and wanted to know why people would do that .

I thought it was a valid question.

Mindy

I think it was just enterprise that I felt was being smart.

Oh well Who cares. I deleted all my post.

I just feel like my opinion was not respected.

If i interpreted wrong, so be it. My bad.

Then I apologize for not communicating better. I do respect your opinion and was just trying to show that other people, like myself, have different value systems. I was not criticizing or making fun of you in any way.

Thank you. I am sorry for being so defenseive. I got so upset and started crying because I felt like everyone was trying to prove me wrong and making fun of me or something. No one understood what I felt and that is ok, i'm used to it.

Yes it was a question I wanted answered.

I respect how others live their life, I just can't understand.

I realize that in the same way that I do not understand your lifestyle, you do not understand mine.

I just want people to respect me for my values.

I normally do not post my opinions but I was reading this thread and there was no one that had my view, so I felt like I should give another view.

I was too harsh. I did not mean to make a fuss. I am sorry.

I feel very passionate about this subject, I guess that is why I snapped.

Again, I am sorry.

I realize that in the same way that I do not understand your lifestyle, you do not understand mine.

And that's exactly why I love this forum. It gives me some insight into other people's opinions and thoughts and helps me learn about something that I might not otherwise understand. An exchange of knowledge, information, and ideas is always a good thing.

I'm very sorry I made you cry. I thought we had a good discussion going. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people who married her high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after, but the circumstances of my life just didn't make that possible for me. (I never even had a high school sweetheart.) From suffering a lot of disappointments early in life, I rejected the idea of marriage because I don't think I could ever trust someone enough to put myself in that position. So I hope you can see that my posts have been an honest reflection of my own situation, and not a judgment of those with different opinions.

YeeHaw, you're not alone. But let me get this straight.

You never had to worry about STDs or a teen pregnancy.

You never compare your husband to other men in bed, and you never have to worry about him comparing you to other women.

You never wish that you hadn't given your body and a piece of your soul to someone else.

You never think about old boyfriends while you're having sex, and you never worry that your husband is thinking about old girlfriends.

You never (or rarely) worry that your husband might be cheating on you because you know he has the self-control and ability to stay true.

You're never scared to open yourself up fully, emotionally and physically, to your husband because you know he's fully committed to you.

You enjoy your sex life and it just keeps getting better.

That sounds pretty awesome to me!

I just read back over the post I made last night, and I think I came across as a little insensitive to Puddin, and that wasn't what I intended. I was trying to say that while it sucks that you guys had to break up that way, maybe it was for the best. After all, I would imagine that you wouldn't want your future daughter to date the type of guy that would leave her if she slept with him. I think, in that situation, you would probably consider him to be a creep. I know you love him and that you will probably continue to feel something for him, but that doesn't mean you can't recognize him for what he is. Any guy that deserts his girlfriend just because she slept with him isn't the type of guy you want to marry.

YeeHaw, you're not alone. But let me get this straight.

You never had to worry about STDs or a teen pregnancy.

You never compare your husband to other men in bed, and you never have to worry about him comparing you to other women.

You never wish that you hadn't given your body and a piece of your soul to someone else.

You never think about old boyfriends while you're having sex, and you never worry that your husband is thinking about old girlfriends.

You never (or rarely) worry that your husband might be cheating on you because you know he has the self-control and ability to stay true.

You're never scared to open yourself up fully, emotionally and physically, to your husband because you know he's fully committed to you.

You enjoy your sex life and it just keeps getting better.

That sounds pretty awesome to me!

I agree, it is awesome.

Neither DH or I were virgins when we met, so of course we weren't on our wedding night. I'm not at all scared to open up to my DH, I know he's committed to me. I know this in part because I was with men who were only in it for sex. I knew he was different from pretty much the first date.

I realize he may be thinking about other women, but I'm the one he chose, and who chose him. Once in a while, he say something like "So-and-so was always willing to have sex" when I've said "no". I know he's joking, my response is "hum, and you broke up with her why exactly?".

For me, it isn't about who had the best techinque, I'll be very honest and say some of my past lovers were more skilled in that area, but being with DH, who I love, and who I wanted to make a shared life with more then makes up for that. And life-long learning is a good thing... :heh:

I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong, BTW. Just sharing my experience.

You never had to worry about STDs or a teen pregnancy.

You never compare your husband to other men in bed, and you never have to worry about him comparing you to other women.

You never wish that you hadn't given your body and a piece of your soul to someone else.

You never think about old boyfriends while you're having sex, and you never worry that your husband is thinking about old girlfriends.

You never (or rarely) worry that your husband might be cheating on you because you know he has the self-control and ability to stay true.

You're never scared to open yourself up fully, emotionally and physically, to your husband because you know he's fully committed to you.

You enjoy your sex life and it just keeps getting better.

I think I'm with Lisah25 on this one. Most of these don't necessarily happen because you didn't sleep with other men, they happen because you love your husband. I would imagine that there are still plenty of men and women who were virgins on their wedding night and still cheat on their spouses or think about other people in bed or imagine what sex would be like with past dates and wonder what they missed.

One thing I object to that the absinence crowd is known for (not saying anyone here has done it) is a holier-than-thou attitude about sex. Not having sex before marriage doesn't necessarily mean you are a better person, or that you have more self-control, or that you love your husband more than the women who do have sex before marriage. In many cases, it just means that you were never put in a position where you had to say "no".

I think I'm with Lisah25 on this one. Most of these don't necessarily happen because you didn't sleep with other men, they happen because you love your husband. I would imagine that there are still plenty of men and women who were virgins on their wedding night and still cheat on their spouses or think about other people in bed or imagine what sex would be like with past dates and wonder what they missed.

That's a good point. I do know couples where one person cheated because they wanted to know what sex with someone other then their spouse would be like.

I think it really comes down to knowing yourself, and being true to that, cliche though it is.

That's a good point. I do know couples where one person cheated because they wanted to know what sex with someone other then their spouse would be like.

I've seen statistics saying 60% of men and 40% of women cheat on their spouses. I'm sure that those percentages weren't just the ones who weren't virgins on their wedding night.

I've seen statistics saying 60% of men and 40% of women cheat on their spouses. I'm sure that those percentages weren't just the ones who weren't virgins on their wedding night.

Those stats make me sad.

One thing I learned from my sordid past is the there isn't sex good enough to risk hurting DH, and ruining what we have together. There just isn't.