I was born at 12lbs and my weight has always been on the heavier side growing up, I consider this my safety zone (aka comfort zone). In addition to my weight I faced some serious adversity in my early childhood years that essentially lead to emotional eating. I was using food to cope while i was in survivor mode and unfortunately never let that go. I'm scared to be skinny for a few reasons but mainly because I'll be loosing my coping, my imaginary friend in a sense however I have proactively started to build new coping skills (will share mad skills soon!) with a therapist and through this wonderful site <3 ) but more so im scared of being physically harmed because I'll be much lighter and thinner which makes me feel vulnerable to offenders.

Its a thought that has been running through my mind so I really wanted express the reflection and that I'm challenging myself to let some fears go, little by little.

I definitely agree, as I sat down for my psych veal, he asked if I had insight into the addiction model relating to food. He went on to say it makes no sense to him and food is not an addiction. I launched into a 10 minute speech about my views and it most certainly is. Times of joy, eat, times of sorrow, eat, boredom, eat, birthday, eat, graduation, eat, gathering, let's eat!! Well looks at drugs and alcohol, it's all the same. As post op speaking my (triggers) are bill boards with a red bright and shiny large fountain coke from mcdonalds. Or it's my birthday where are we going for dinner.

I found it hard to believe he had no insight into this connection what so ever. Food is an addiction, it makes us happy, it makes us sad, it makes us sick,it makes us salivate just to the smell of it.

I definitely agree' date=' as I sat down for my psych veal, he asked if I had insight into the addiction model relating to food. He went on to say it makes no sense to him and food is not an addiction. I launched into a 10 minute speech about my views and it most certainly is. Times of joy, eat, times of sorrow, eat, boredom, eat, birthday, eat, graduation, eat, gathering, let's eat!! Well looks at drugs and alcohol, it's all the same. As post op speaking my (triggers) are bill boards with a red bright and shiny large fountain coke from mcdonalds. Or it's my birthday where are we going for dinner.

I found it hard to believe he had no insight into this connection what so ever. Food is an addiction, it makes us happy, it makes us sad, it makes us sick,it makes us salivate just to the smell of it.[/quote']

Wow...Just WOW. Really, Dr., you not only don't understand how that works, but you don't believe it exists!? May as well hang a sign up that says NOT QUALIFIED

This is very normal. food Unfortunately has served as an addiction for all of us for way too long. Food served some sort of purpose' date=' for me, I was never in control of anything, I was emotional, and physically abused all my life, and food was always there to make me my tummy feel warm, and a sense of fullness from something. It was my gateway to happiness.

There was nothing I could control being a child in a well to do home that kept the abuse hush hush, even from other close family. I learned that when my dad was eating, he was happy, and this was the only time I did not have to hear the yelling or see the abuse, so I would eat and eat and eat, and I would never want to be done. Then as my brother, sister, and I grew bigger, no one could "mess" with us, we were 3 siblings all well over 300 in high school. It then served as my guard, my size that is. I grew to be the fat girl everyone loved, and gosh for the first time someone loved me for being the way I was.

I tried to diet over the years always longing to be like my friends who were smaller. As I entered my senior year in high school we went to six flags on a class trip, this boy I really really like asked me to ride the batman with him, so we even waiting in line for the 2 seater front row! It was our turn to get in, I sat down and it wouldn't buckle. The worker made his way down and kept jammmming it, and low and behold, it wasn't going anywhere. I was mortified, I ran out of there, down the stairs, and ran to the closest food stand and gorged. That was my escape, and safe zone from harm. I then secluded myself from those friends in fear that they may ask me what happened, and I couldn't face that. I then began gng to buffets by myself, or ordering take out Chinese after school to eat in 30 minutes before I worked all night at a fast food restaurant, where I ate all night as well.

I went on to seek attention from older older guys who needed money from me, but hey they gave me attention right. They touched me, as no one ever had, it made me feel amazing, and someone loved . These four years of mylife just made my insecurities worse, as these guys really just walked all over me.

I then was at 350lbs!!!!!! I was in school, and just distanced my self from the bad, but went to he bars and sought out one night stands for years. Through friends, I met this amazing guy, now my fiancé, whom we have a one year child with. Which put me to my current highest weight of 386 lbs. My obgyn doctors scale only went to 350, so in the small local hospital that I got to, I was forced to go to X-ray department every weekend to weight in on the industrial wheel chair ramp that needed assembly every time, how embarrassing. I grew into a deep depression, and my fiancé stood by my side telling me he loved me over and over.

My weight and everything that comes with being over weight, frusteratiob, depression, hotness, sweatiness, everything, has caused issues in our relationship, and I am robbing myself and my fiancé of a happy,life by being so unhappy, and always craving a xlarge papa johns pizza or 5 mcdubs. It's not fair to him that when I am gentry, I am upset. I made my decision to get surgery for myself, to be happy for once. With the love of my life by my side.

Ironically, I graduated with my masters degree in social work, and I am a therapist, who helps people go through this same stuff that I talk about. Yet just as nurses are there worst patient, so are therapists.

All in all, food is an addiction, it serves hidden purposes, and it becomes our gateway, it becomes our safe zone, it overcomes every aspect of our life.

I had surgery July 24, so I am 1 week post op today, and I am ready for the rest of my life to be happy. Sure, it is a constant struggle at first because your doing something so healthy but taking away everything you love, and that makes you feel so good!!!

I hope this helps, and feel free to ask questions

Remember "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"

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Whoa!!!! Seems like my life to a TEE!!!! Thanks for sharing.