Why am I ashamed that I had to have this surgery? Why am I not comfortable telling people that I had WLS? I am very open about my life and my choices, I don't seek other's approval nearly as much as some do, and I know I did the right thing for myself.

So what's the hang up here?

I've been wrestling with this since before the surgery. I've told a few close friends and family, but I live my life out in the open, it's one of my "trademarks" that I am very open about life and emotions—all except for WLS. I have no idea what I will tell people when they notice. And my time is running out. I'll be back on the road pretty soon, and I'm already down 20 lbs, so it's not too long before someone is going to say something (although they all swear they don't realize I've put on 45 lbs in the last year so who knows.)

I'm very driven, very type-A, very goal-oriented. If I want something, I go after it with a single-mindedness and a sense of purpose that is hard to miss. But here's the thing. I went after weight-loss with a vengeance too. I can't tell you how many different things I've tried in the last 4 years. One month is was all Paleo (put on 10 lbs). Then it was all vegetarian (lost nothing). Then it was Fuhrman's recommendations (blood sugar went up 20 points, lost nothing). Then it was everything in moderation, calories down to 1200 (lost nothing). On and on and on.

And then that very Quest to reach my goals led me to WLS. So however I get there, I am (probably) going to hit my goal to lose weight. Mission Accomplished, right?

So why don't I see it that way? Why am I ashamed that I have to admit I could not lose it on my own, and had to have surgery? Is it because I think it makes me come across as someone with no self-control? Trust me, I have self-control, that was not the issue. Is it because I think people will see me as a failure? Trust me, everyone who knows me professionally knows I am not a failure.

So what is it??

My husband had the best analogy today. He said to look at it as troubleshooting. That I kept trying this and that, and everything else, and I finally found something that looks like it will work. So take pride in your persistence, and in finding a solution and be happy. He's totally right.

So why do I still feel ashamed that I had to have this surgery?

I know somebody else on here has to have gone through the same thing and come out on the winning side, and I would love to hear your experiences. Thanks in advance for helping me.

Hey Gamergirl:

But' date=' I know what you mean about being ashamed. There still is a stigma attached to weight loss surgery. There used to be a stigma attached to mastectomies, or hysterectomies. Now people talk about them openly. Back in the day, people were embarrassed that they had to turn to programs such as Weight Watchers. Now they wear it like a badge of honor. What can we do to remove the stigma attached to weight loss surgery? It's up to us to remove the stigma and I think the only way that is going to happen is to talk about WLS more, until it becomes mainstream.

Does this help at all?[/quote']

It does Cindy, it does help. It also makes me realize that we may have a responsibility to educate that we should take seriously. Your points about the stigma around hysterectomies was very thought-provoking for me. You are absolutely correct. People didn't used to talk about that either.

I need to think through that for sure.

Maybe your feelings of shame are tied to feelings of failure. The decision to have weight loss surgery is not a simple one. It is not an easy one either. It isn't like one can just decide to do it or buy it and it is done. It takes time' date=' money, thoughts, lifestyle changes.

You say you have a type a, driven personality? Maybe somewhere inside you, you feel as if this is the one thing you could not conquer on the own without help. Giving in to weight loss surgery was giving up on you succeeding by yourself?

Maybe the shame is tied up in there.

Just a thought...[/quote']

This is SO much a part of it! I do feel like I failed to do it by myself.

But I'm thinking of what LipstickLady said and now I'm asking myself what she asked me. If I'm not doing this, who's doing this for me??

I had unexpected issue that sprung up right before my surgery so I decided to only tell family. No body at work. Able to keep it a secret till 70 lbs later, boy do they ask, and ask, even got told they assumed that I had the sleeve surgery. Lol

Well now I've even had to say it my business. Because of other issues health I'm keeping it private.

Well after going through the constant barrage of questioning daily at work only,

Had it to do over again I'd be open!!!!! I just even have to walk away from some people. Because of the privacy nature I chose. People will talk any way you cut it.

On a flip side, I recently told my son girlfriend and and I was totally glad to tell. And had peace and praises!

My step-daughter is 25 years old and naturally thin and basically underweight (your #3) and she is constantly providing me with unsolicited and uneducated advice....as if she's read as many diet and nutrition books as I have. She brags that she lost 15 pounds once and feels she can totally relate to me which I find to be absolutely hilarious. I told my therapist about this problem and this was her advice....don't give unsolicited advice unless you want to receive it.

BOY...do I have some advice to give her....like, we didn't agree to pay for her college education for her to be a BARTENDER!!! Can't wait for her to give me more advice. ***evil grin*** I guess I am the wicked step-mother.

My step-daughter is 25 years old and naturally thin and basically underweight (your #3) and she is constantly providing me with unsolicited and uneducated advice....as if she's read as many diet and nutrition books as I have. She brags that she lost 15 pounds once and feels she can totally relate to me which I find to be absolutely hilarious. I told my therapist about this problem and this was her advice....don't give unsolicited advice unless you want to receive it.

BOY...do I have some advice to give her....like' date=' we didn't agree to pay for her college education for her to be a BARTENDER!!! Can't wait for her to give me more advice. ***evil grin*** I guess I am the wicked step-mother.[/quote']

Hah! That's funny. My skinny friends know better. For as long as they've known me, I've been trying to lose weight. They all LOVE to go out to eat with me, because they get to eat all their food, and then they eat half of mine.

Well I don't think of it as having no will power. Because WLS was and is the hardest thing I have ever done! It's a tool, you can still eat slider foods and not lose! It's not an easy way out! It's just that you are more easily statisfied.

It's your choice not to tell anyone how you are doing it. If they ask just say, "eating less and moving more"! It's true! You don't owe anyone an explanation! I am down 80lbs in 5 months and I am loving my new sleeves life!

I hear ya!

I have several conversations around this topic with my spouse. I think part of my feeling is because:

While I have a letter from my insurance that they deem this medically necessary, it still comes down to a choice on whether I get sleeved or not (I was sleeved 7/28). So in a way, my brain jumps to "elective surgery". Prior to sugery, sometimes I felt like I was "cheating"...I have convinced myself that I am not!

I kept this information fairly close until last weekend at a family wedding. Most of those I told were very supportive. A couple of idiots made condescending comments like "just eat less", or, "you need to be real careful or you will put the weight back on".

What keeps me going is I view having had this procedure as a tool. A tool, that when used correctly will change my life! I also found these stats:

108 million people diet are on diets (the average dieter, makes four to five per year).

The weight loss industry (including surgery) is a $20 Billion industry. It doesn't say, but I would suspect that the majority of that is dieters.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/100-million-dieters-20-billion-weight-loss-industry/story?id=16297197

So it makes me ask...why not?? This procedure was an opportunity for me to get healthy, and with effort, stay that way. Not everyone has this as an option.

I do understand, and I stand with you!

This is SO much a part of it! I do feel like I failed to do it by myself.

But I'm thinking of what LipstickLady said and now I'm asking myself what she asked me. If I'm not doing this' date=' who's doing this for me??[/quote']

Of course you are doing it! I felt guilty before I had the surgery because I was taking over and over again. I needed help and now I am successful. I no longer feel guilty or shameful.

Sorry that was supposed to say failing over and over again. Stupid phone.

I completely understand how you feel. I have not had my surgery yet (hoping dec), but have decided to keep it to myself. If someone notices and says something, I will say "thank you, I feel good", and continue on my way. If someone becomes persistent about how I did it, I will not lie but say, high Protein, little carbs (truth yes??).

No one has asked me how I gained weight so surely it isn't anyone's business how I lost it.

Just my thoughts & opinion.

Gamer girl I too was ashamed that I had to.do this but like you I tried everything I am no longer ashamed and do tell everyone I took the control back I'm my life.

I can totally relate- it's a weird mix of emotions. I am elated that I am going to put a stop to this- to reach a healthy weight once and for all, but I am also ashamed and disappointed in myself. Not just for failing at dieting for the past thirty years, but after my botched attempt at gastric bypass surgery, I swore that that experience would be my wake up call to finally do it. Well, surprise, I didn't and here I am finishing up my pre op stuff for the second time around. So from my friends and family that knew and were understandably horrified by what happened before, I am getting mixed reactions. The first reaction is always a look of fear which fades to concern. Eventually everyone has chosen to support my decision... I feel grateful, but I haven't spoken to my oldest son yet. He's twelve and I really don't want to scare him. He knows what happened before because he's seen my scars and has asked about them. I am sad that I'll need to let him know that I'm trying WLS again, which will definitely scare him, no matter how I explain it. As far as what I'll need to say publicly after I lose a lot, I think I would say that I chose to make a major change in my life... And didn't give up.

I am one that has only told my immediate family, my parents, a few of my work team members that I am very close to and my best girl friends. I haven't announced it on FB, nor have I told any casual acquaintances, clients, in laws...

I'm not ashamed, it's simply none of their business.

Like you, I've tried everything and I've been pretty darn successful losing weight many times. I've not been successful keeping it off. I'm eating right, I am making good choices, I am exercising every day, I am reading food labels, I am tracking obsessively, I am researching healthy alternatives to recipes, and most importantly, I am looking at food with a MENTALLY healthier attitude. I am being proactive about my health. I am making sure I don't develop diabetes, I am getting fit before my back, knees, hips and feet hurt. I am taking care of my blood pressure before I need meds. I am doing everything I need to do to get healthier and stay that way, I am simply doing it with a tool to help me get where I need to be more quickly and efficiently.

I own my own business and something I teach my team is exactly what I am implementing with my WLS. I am working smarter, I am using all my resources and I am getting results.

Like you' date=' I've tried everything and I've been pretty darn successful losing weight many times. I've not been successful keeping it off. I'm eating right, I am making good choices, I am exercising every day, I am reading food labels, I am tracking obsessively, I am researching healthy alternatives to recipes, and most importantly, I am looking at food with a MENTALLY healthier attitude. I am being proactive about my health. I am making sure I don't develop diabetes, I am getting fit before my back, knees, hips and feet hurt. I am taking care of my blood pressure before I need meds. I am doing everything I need to do to get healthier and stay that way, I am simply doing it with a tool to help me get where I need to be more quickly and efficiently.

I own my own business and something I teach my team is exactly what I am implementing with my WLS. I am working smarter, I am using all my resources and I am getting results.[/quote']

I'm the same way. I'm doing this BEFORE I develop comorbidities and find myself mobilized. It may or may not help my RA, but what I don't want is diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc. etc.

I too own my own business and I understand exactly what you are saying about working smart, not just hard.

You know what we need to bring the sleeve out of the shadows is some celebrities to join our ranks! Some ideas:

- Chris Christie converts from lapband to sleeve

- Melissa McCarthy

- Kevin James

- John Goodman

- Delta Burke

- Queen Latifah

- Rosie O'Donnell

- Val Kilmer

- Kelly LeBrock

- Steven Seagal

- Rebel Wilson

- Kathy Bates

- and the Queen of Yo-Yo Dieters, OPRAH!